I'm back with another question..

Yes I am the girl who just a week ago said that I felt like I had no control in my relationship. I wanted to say thank you for everyone and your advice on the subject because it helped me out a lot.

I've started to study for my SATs and got a job, just in case Rich doesn't come over in Jan.

I think that he will, but things are still kinda weird. Like for instance, he acts so nonchalant about everything! He sends me an email, late at night saying he wants me to call him, and as soon as I do he already wants to get off the phone with me.

He doesn't communicate with me, because everytime I try... he thinks I'm yelling at him. Which I'm not, I simply ask him questions he doesn't want to answer.

When I cry, he gets all pissed off and says," Look I'm not going to listen to this"

When we first met it was on line and those months before he came over to America were ALWAYS filled with surprises! Roses at my door, phone calls with goofy answering messages, emails all the time! Now that we are apart again, I just wish he would treat me the same way he used to when we were apart. True we've been actually living together for 6 months, but why does he have to act this way now, when I actually need the reassurance...It like so much effort for him to give me any bit of it at all.

Me and Rich always used to play fight. Now when we fight its not really as funny as it is in person. We can't just laugh it off like we do when we are together. So they just turn into arguments. It's driving me crazy! I just  miss him so freaking much and wish he could understand that.

Why does it seem like he doesn't miss as much as he should??

Why does it seem like he doesn't miss as much as he should??

Because most men just don't get it!  They don't think the way that we do and they don't respond to our emotions like we wish they would.  I think a lot of men don't know how to express that they miss you.  And then they hear you cry and they think you're over reacting because they certainly wouldn't cry just because they miss you.  Unfortunately, men and women are such different creatures when it comes to things like that.

I think you need to have a serious talk with your bf and tell him how you feel.  This is not the way you want to spend the next four months.

Fighting constantly over the phone when you are apart will not help your relationship. 

I think you need to have a serious talk with your bf and tell him how you feel.  This is not the way you want to spend the next four months.

Fighting constantly over the phone when you are apart will not help your relationship. 

I try to talk to him about how I seriously feel and gets so pissed off at me! He tells me he doesn't want to hear it. If I tell him it seems impossible to keep going the way we are going for four months. All he says is "Whatever, I got to go." or his famous line, "I didn't do anything".

I'm scared to bring up my feelings again to him, because I don't want him to loose it and break up with me.

I just want to know where he stands with this whole situation, and he never has a serious conversation with me. When we do he thinks I'm b*tching at him, and I'm not doing that at all. I just ask him, how long it will be until he thinks he can book his ticket. I ask him how he feels about us fighting all the time.

Everytime I talk to him, he makes me out to be a needy b*tch. When thats not true at all either! It is just because I am the only one keeping this relationship going. I send all the emails! When I think I've gotten like 2 or 3 in the course of over 2 weeks. I just want to feel like his girlfriend, even if we are a million miles apart.

Him getting pissed because of the way I feel and pissed because I want to email him, just makes everything so worse...

Going back about almost 5 years, my then boyfriend (now fiance) and I went through a period where communication started to break down, and sounds slightly familiar to what you're going through. It was during a period when we were in separate countries, but ironically, I was a few months away from going back to the UK to do my MA.

We both realize now that my fiance was suffering from a bout of depression, in addition to acting (as he now admits) immaturely. At the time, he had recently been through some events which seriously impacted his self esteem, and he was very depressed.

After a while of trying to get through to him, and realizing that he wasn't ready to discuss things, I decided to break up with him. Now the break up lasted about a week, but once he did say that he wanted to stay together and was in it for the long haul, we took it very slowly in order to rebuild communication skills and trust. Since then we have continued to grow and mature together, and that all seems like a lifetime ago.

It's hard to say what's going on with your boyfriend, but it sounds like the two of you might need a break. I know that a lot of people think that this is the equivelent to breaking up, and it certainly might lead to that, but it also might give you both the time to re-evaluate your situation, and come out stronger. Try to let time sort it out, and most importantly start living your life for you (which it sounds like you are making a good start on from your post).

You have been back for what..two weeks?  From what you say, it seems it has been longer, like months or so.  Maybe you are smothering him a bit and he needs some space.  Obviously there are two sides of every story, but it seems like you may be nagging him a bit about what he needs to do.  

You have to look at it this way..do you want to have that sort of relationship with someone?  If the answer is yes, then get over it and deal.  If the answer is no, you need to speak to him (saying things like "I feel..blah blah blah when you blah blah", not "you do this and you need to do that") and see what happens.

No one should have to settle in a relationship, especially a long distance relationship.  My mother told me once that being in love with someone is only a piece of what it takes to make a relationship last.  Its very true, love will not make it work alone, nor will it make the person you love into the person you should be with forever.

I really think you need to start living for the now as well.  You are going to be seperated for the next four (or however long) months.  Its time to realise that and get on with it.  Missing him cannot take up all your energy and emotion.  It will not do anything good for you or your relationship (speaking from experience).

Good luck.

I agree with Uber Yank that you should not have to settle in this relationship, especially if you are not able to say how you feel or what you need because you are in fear that he will break up with you.

Sorry things are still so unclear for you. I don't know what to say other than it sounds like you two really need to work on opening up communication if you are going to make this work. Best of luck to you however things go.

It sounds like he thinks that because you were together for all that time, you should feel secure enough in the relationship now not to need reassurance.  Perhaps he feels like you don't trust him fully if you are always worrying he might meet someone else or break up with you.  Ask yourself if you truly trust him. If you do, then why is this preying on your mind? And if you don't, then that is not a good basis on which to build a lasting relationship.

I totally understand you wanting the romance aspect, and your relationship is still young enough that it should be there in spades. Do talk to him about that and about the other stuff that is bothering you.  If your relationship is strong, he won't break up with you for talking about the things that matter.

I hope things improve for you.

If your relationship is strong, he won't break up with you for talking about the things that matter.

Ditto that.

Well things have changed a bit now. Rich found out his dad passed away today. I guess it had happend sometime last week, because he had not heard anything from him for a while. He called me early this morning.

Now I miss him even more because I wish I could be there to hold him and cry with him. His dad was an amazing person, and this is so hard for me, but I can't even imagine how hard it is for him. I just wish I could say something or do something to make him feel OK. I just wish I could be there, and this distance thing sucks.

The worst thing about distance is, you can't be around or see or touch your lover and you can't help them through hard times. What am I good for? I feel useless. Ugh I hate this.

I'm really sorry to hear about his dad. How awful. But even if you can't be there for him in person right now, I am sure talking to him and listening mean a lot. You are "there" in whatever way you can be right now. It sucks in the good times and the bad times when you can't be next to him, but if it's meant to be it will be in time is what I believe.