frustrations....

This is especially for the ladies that were chatting with me on wednesday (as i promised them an update).

I'm soooo tired of being apart from my fiance and trying to figure out everything!  no one seems to realize just how hard it is to plan a wedding and a move across the ocean.  i mean i know you on the board do, but how irritating is it when people are like ...why don't you just do this or that?  how hard can it be to plan it?  or why don't you just plan whatever you want?  I can't plan whatever i want because there are rules and visas and restrictions!!!!  I have time and money limits that make life very irritating.

what i want is to have steven here with me.  when we're together, everything is hunky dory, even when it's not really.  being apart with all these other issues are causing us to fight, and quite frankly we don't really fight.  we have a lot of heated discussions, but we don't fight.  lately we've even hung up on each other, and we don't do that.  how do the rest of you keep your relationships healthy under all of this stress?!?!  we keep saying that if we can do this, we can do anything, but to tell you the truth...i don't want to do it.  i don't want to be apart anymore, and i don't want to play the paperwork game anymore.

anyhow, after a long discussion, i think we've decided to follow Peep's advice <<<PEEP PEEP>>> and have the wedding in jamaica and then have two parties when we get back.  i think my parents will come down though.

this may be the wrong place to post this...maybe it should be in the hitching post or in grievences, but i had to vent about being part and all the frustrations that go with it.  guess i just could use a big hug about now.

Sorry you're so frustrated with the situation at the moment.  Sean and I are still somewhat in a distance relationship, even though the time we spend apart isn't usually more than a few months.  We haven't had to deal with the hassles of planning a wedding, as you currently are.  I'm sure it can be annoying having to sort it all out, but to add to your mounting frustration, you have people telling you how to go about it who don't really understand the process involved.  If everyone is giving you advice, maybe ask them to do something constructive to help you out.  

You'd think people would better understand how difficult it can be to plan both a wedding and a move at the same time.  Women usually stress about the finer details of their weddings when they have their partner right there beside them and the ceremony is taking place in the same town they're currently in.  Doing it from a distance and by yourself adds a whole other dimension of planning.

The wedding or the move alone would be enough to stress anyone out!!  It's no wonder you're feeling overwhelmed.  Try to remember that this is supposed to be an enjoyable and fun time and don't let anyone ruin that for you.  Don't get yourself so worked up that you forget what it's all for.  

You said you don't want to do this anymore, that you didn't want to be apart anymore.  That's why you're taking steps to make that happen.  All of this planning and marriage and moving will happen probably faster than you can imagine.  So slow down.. take it easy, and don't let the little things get to you.  Don't let all of that be your main focus or this time will pass you by without you even realizing how good it was.

If you need help from family, friends, or.. forumers (is that a word? it is now ), ask.  

Also.. I think it's good to vent from time to time.  So feel free to anytime you need.

You really do have every right and reason to be stressed out, but as I said.. don't get so worried that you can't enjoy the process along the way.  One day you'll look back on this time with fondness.

Hang in there Krissy - you will get past this. Remember to do what is right for you and your honey. If that means a quiet wedding in vegas - then do that - whatever. Celebrate with the families by having a reception in each country. Just an idea. {{{krissy}}}  Hang in there and know that your new UKY family is here for ya.

Krissy,
Like Terinth said, remember why you are doing this.  My sister gave me some great advice the other day: this process is going to be really hard and stressful on a number of level, but make sure you keep things in perspective - what you are doing and WHY.  You and the person you love want to be together and it is terrible that it has to be this hard, but this is how it goes and so we all do really difficult things to be happy.

Personally, I couldn't IMAGINE trying to plan a wedding being an ocean apart from my husband to be.  Planning the visa stuff is hard enough because it takes up most of our time on the phone and we arn't talking about ourselves and each other as much, but about the process and how to get it done.  To add a wedding onto that Im sure is a real strain.  Ultimately, you will do what you want to do because people have images of their own weddings that they want to acheive.  However, if i were you, i would plan a small ceremony in jamaica that may not need much planning (except for the really important big parts like how to get a wedding liscence) like finding a nice spot on a beach, or whatever you two both want to do.  Have the big wedding party later, after you are both together to plan it together.

You may want to put the idea of the wedding a bit further back in your mind right now.  check out the Bunac program and get with your man for the summer!  During this time you can plan all you want because you will be together and it will be so much easier and less stressful and enjoyable process to plan when you are physically together.

This may be a bit incomprehensible because I just woke up, but i hope it is in some way helpful.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Krissy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Peep peep reporting in (Rhia it stuck!!!) lol

Anyhoo...I agree with what everyone said and whether it's a private ceremony on the beach in Jamaica or even Florida (no blood YEAH) or where ever make it for you two.  

Destress the situation by saying hey this is for us and for the Visa process and we will celebrate with the families after.  We did not tell people they could not come, just let them decide.

I also do suggest you look into some people that can help you do weddings like hotels, resorts and B&B's.  They often are so used to it they can arranged most things for you.  

I'll post some links as an example in a minute.

Also just remember that  if you survive this the rest is easier!

This is where we were married as an example... it's a sweet B&B and the food is wonderful...the people are also above none!
http://www.casadelapaz.com/specials/wedding.html

We stayed in the Vista Matanzas Room. V V Romantic.  Sheri  can also arrange for little surprises like chocolate covered straberries and local goodies!

A google search revealed tons more.  Let me know if I can be of any help at all.  Once you decide on a place the coordinators there are really helpful in getting all the paperwork ready.  We dropped our license off that day and had it the next one.  So....

 Krissy I cant really add to the advise that everyone gave you hon even our resident Peep Peep  

 It will all come together for you and sweetie.We really do have to climb some tall mountains at times,but then we are rewarded by what is waiting for us on the other side

   

Hi Krissy I'm glad you wrote back with the update.  I'm with the others.  Find what you feel will make the less stress on you and let them either attend or not.  Vegas makes sense as you won't have to travel as far.  But really this IS YOUR choice, yours and Stevens.  But he's got opinions and so don't you.  What you have to do is find a compromise.  Sounds like you are on your way to doing just that.  It might also help to make one decision and acknowledge that.  Instead of seeing all the problems you two are having - make a decision on the flowers or colors.  Heck we had colors all picked out and that changed the day we looked at dresses.  But when I start feeling the pressure due to all the decisions I need to find a way to not have so many decisions to make.  So that means making some decisions.  Try making smaller ones first.  See how that goes.  Also remember to take deep breaths.  Breathe.  In and out.  We are here for you Krissy.  

Giving some HUGS to you.... dealing with long-distance is frustrating enough, but doing a wedding that way is even more so, ESPECIALLY with all those comments about "oh why aren't you just doing this"... I totally relate to that! You just don't feel like explaining the entire visa/moving process to all 4,000 people who have an opinion as to what you should do! I just ended up saying "Oh, Gee, I never thought about that"... and found it hard to not be a jerk! I just wish one person would have said "It must be hard for you, I totally don't understand what you're going through, but I'll hug you anyway, lets go have a drink".... instead of offering completely irrelevant advice. I suppose it's more annoying since you're away from your man, and everything is more stressful then. So just some great big hugs to you... keep us updated on how things are going, and keep venting if it makes you feel better!

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for all your kind thoughts, hugs, advice, encouragement, etc.  It's just what I needed for now.  I still don't know what we'll end up doing...but it's nice to know that people care about you and support you through the hard times.  Isn't it funny how sometimes "strangers" or people you've never really met end up being more supportive than your "close" friends?  Thanks again...it means the world to me.  BIG HUGS!!!!

awwwwwwwwwwww,, HUGSSS!!

Nothing else to add but another HUG!!

Argh, ok i was finally starting to have a more positive outlook and everything goes wrong again.  to start with, laundry gets taken out of the washer and thrown on the ground by some idiot because i was there two minutes late to take it out of the machine and they didn't wait.  hmph.  i should post in the laundry post from the other day...lol.  

then steven and i decide that we're just gonna go for the jamaican wedding and whatever happens, happens.  then i've just found out we can't get a wedding license there because steven doesn't have his dad's name on his birth certificate.  so you're not capable of getting married because you don't know your biological father's name?!?!?!?!!?  what a load of crap.  so....unbeknownst to steven, i am now looking up having a small wedding in edinburgh.  i'm tried of trying to figure out how to arrange all the legal mumbo jumbo in another country...and i'm not sure that it'll be that easy for us to plan a wedding in florida either.  

then to add to all this i got a call from my mom today saying my dad had a heart attack....GREAT...pile it on.  what else could possibly go wrong?!?!!?!?!?!  well turns out my dad is ok, thank God, but it'll mean he needs to change his lifestyle big time.  he travels all the time, is stressed and unhappy, not to mention he's very overweight.  the scary thing is that 3 or 4 of his close friends have died of heart attacks in the last couple years, and they were all in similar professions and the same age.

i just want to go to sleep and hide forever..... :'(

Oh God honey.... I don't know what to say.....

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I'll be thinking of you all and hon the wedding will work out it will!

  I'm so so sorry.  You're in my thoughts... hope things start to improve  :-/

(((((((((krissy))))))))))) I'm sorry everything seems to be falling apart just now.  It really isn't.  Take it one day at a time.  I hope your Dad makes a full recovery.  Sounds like the hard part will be changing his life.  Perhaps a vacation in Edinburgh will be just the thing to get him started.  Hang in there kiddo.