turned out to be a £30 relay. cost £150 labor though!!!
Ouch! I need to increase my rates!

That relay price is steep too, unless it was something really unusual. Most of these boilers just use general-purpose plug-in power relays, normally about £5 each and looking something like these:

The thing is tonight after 4/5 days without hot water....it seems to be working now??? Do you have any idea how it would stop working and then start to heat up again?
Ah..... An intermittent fault. Intermittents can be some of the worst problems to track down because so long as the thing works everything seems to check out O.K. And of course, it's Sod's Law that the time you're there with your meter trying to find the fault is the time that it all seems fine but as soon as you pack up and leave it stops working again!
Anyway, based on the symptons so far, first I'd be looking for any obviously bad connections. It could be something as simple as a loose terminal -- At the timer control, the heating element on the cylinder, or any other junction boxes between. I'd put a meter on the circuit to see if I had the proper voltage present and operate the timer on and off a few times (bearing in mind that we now know this to be an intermittent fault, and contacts can sometimes fail that way -- connecting on some operations but not others).
I'd do the same thing at the thermostat on the cylinder, opening and closing the switch contacts by turning the temperature setting up and down several times to see if it reliably switched on and off each time. I'd also be looking for any signs of burning around the housing or the terminals which could be indicative of a bad connection internally.
As a final possibility, it could still be the element itself. When they fail, they usually fail completely and for good, but occasionally you can find one which exhibits an intermittency like this. I'd put a meter on it which measures the insulation using a high voltage. Passing this test isn't absolute proof that the element is not at fault, but a poor reading on this test is a sure sign that the element is on its last legs anyway and could be the problem, certainly if everything else appears to be in order. (Don't expect a plumber to have an insulation test meter though!)
Here's what the typical unit on the cylinder looks like with the cover removed. The little unit which is being lifted out with the rod is the thermostat, the terminals on the fitting go to the element which extends, of course, inside the cylinder:
