gift registries?

It is the norm to have registries in the UK, especially as we don't have Bridal Showers over here.

The last wedding I went to, the card read "Simon and Lisa would be delighted if you could attend their wedding, and your presence will be gift enough.  However, if you wish to get them a present, the list is being held at...."   Lots of the guests were students or with low paying jobs, they had lived together for years and didn't need a huge amount, so it really was left to the guests to do what they wanted, without pressure.

I think your gift voucher idea is perfect, and the way you have put it makes it clear that there will be no offence if people don't get anything or just chip in with a five quid voucher.


Vicky

In the States, gift vouchers are often seen as asking for money in some circles, so one has to be careful with that, too -- it's funny, Brits seem to be much more pragmatic about this sort of thing!  Is this one of the famous "class system" thingies though?  Do different classes see things like registries and attendant issues differently?

I've had that experience myself! I think what we're going to do, at least, is to put a link to our wedding website in the US invites, and registry info in the UK ones. Brits *do* seem to be more practical about the whole thing; cash bars and registry info in the invites are okay, whereas in most of the US they're the two worst wedding etiquette faux pas to make.

FWIW, I'm not having a bridal shower and a lot of people can't seem to understand why. Family in the US is too scattered and I can't ask them to make the trip twice, plus FH half is, well, overseas. It just doesn't make any sense to.

GREAT idea about the website mention of your registry, almariel!  You sidestep almost the entire issue that way!

Our wedding was in the UK - we only sent out a small number of handmade invitations.  The people who were coming to the wedding (and my closest family members) all rang (or emailed) and asked us if we were registered anywhere, at which point we told them.  We got some cards from a couple people who sent checks (in US dollars), that I had to then post back to the US for deposit to my US account & it was sort of more complicated to do that but we were grateful for their generosity all the same.

That is a great idea to have a wedding website and just put a link to it. That can also take care of things like putting directions to the church and place for reception as well, right?

That is a great idea to have a wedding website and just put a link to it. That can also take care of things like putting directions to the church and place for reception as well, right?

I had a couple of friends who set up a little website that included directions, a section on where they were registered, pictures of the church (for visual recognition if lost), pictures of them as a couple (for out of state relatives to see how they looked together I guess), an online guestbook (for said out of state relatives to sign), the story about how they got engaged, and they updated the front page with small tidbits about how their wedding planning was going, as well as things they were doing as a couple. It was cute, but they've taken it down now unfortunately.

Yes, you can put in pretty much anything you want! There are a ton of sites out there that help you build and organize your content and design a schmancy layout. I love this one:

http://www.mywedding.com/

Yeah, we had a wedding website, too - it seemed to go over well with just about everyone on the guest list, and it was a good way of getting registry info out there for those who wanted it without resorting to those tacky little insert cards.

Yes, you can put in pretty much anything you want! There are a ton of sites out there that help you build and organize your content and design a schmancy layout. I love this one:

http://www.mywedding.com/

That's my favorite wedding website maker thingie!   We probably won't have a website though because our wedding is so small- maybe for pictures?

Actually--I think that would be a cool idea. We're using it mostly as a "get to know us" site too, since most of my family hasn't met A. I don't see why you couldn't use it for just pics!

This thread is a bit run out, but I thought I'd reply as I just got back from setting up our registry at John Lewis (the free food was a perk!).

I was definitely of the no-registry school. I like to get gifts that people choose for you because they put thought and heart into the choosing. But, like so many people said, it was the guests who clamoured for us to register.

The other deciding factor was the massive expense of shipping things from the US (where the wedding is) to the UK (where we'll live) And my inability to explain to some relatives that they could not buy us any American electonics (no really they won't work, really  ). John Lewis is holding everything for three weeks after the wedding, then they'll deliver it to our flat. The convenience is worth bending my principles.

I have put my foot down against a shower though. I definitely don't need two sets of gifts. My mother has instead arranged a 'shower of wisdom'. She and her closest friends are going to come over for tea and shower me with stories of married life, useful recipes and gardening tips, and anything else that comes to mind. At first I was unsure, but now I'm looking forward to it. Getting married is such a life changing event, and I will appreciate their love and support far more than anything I could scan at John Lewis.



...though a kitchenaid mixer would be nice too...

My mother has instead arranged a 'shower of wisdom'. She and her closest friends are going to come over for tea and shower me with stories of married life, useful recipes and gardening tips, and anything else that comes to mind. At first I was unsure, but now I'm looking forward to it. Getting married is such a life changing event, and I will appreciate their love and support far more than anything I could scan at John Lewis.

Sarah, WHAT a really lovely idea!  Your mother sounds like a wonderful woman -- and, of course, wise. 

Your mother sounds like a wonderful woman -- and, of course, wise. 

She is indeed. 

To pick up on UK views on wedding lists/gift registries... (we're both UK born-and-bred, married here 9 years ago). We also had lots of stuff as we were amalgamating households.

So we proposed three things to people - we had a very small wedding list for people who felt they really had to buy us something tangible and wanted advice - but we explained that we were restoring a classic car (which had been in my wife's family for almost 40 years) and that contributions for that were very welcome. Finally, we pointed out that as we were fortunate to have somewhere comfortable to live and basic necessities of life, they might want to make a donation to a charity (I think it was Shelter we suggested

• ) in place of a gift to us. We also had people give us gifts in none of these categories, which was fine too.

I think the real requirement on the couple is to make sure that no-one feels pressured in any way - and I think it is rude to suggest (have been told of this once!) that they don't want any gift other than those on the list. We often get people small hand-blown glass items because my wife's cousin is a glassblower, and people seem to appreciate them.

I'm not concerned to receive details of a wedding list in an invite. Hopefully people will have a range of items and we can pick one that we like too. If not, we can get them something else, or a voucher even!! i can't comment on US practice at all, but most of the weddings I've been to have been quite pragmatic about the purpose of wedding gifts. Maybe it's just the people we know!

• if we were doing it all over again, I'd probably have chosen a smaller, local charity.