"Safe" amount of time apart?

(Mods: I wasn't sure whether to post this here or in Visas & Citizenship, so if you feel it needs to be moved, I apologize.)

FH and I trying to work out our visit schedule between now and next year (when the wedding is), and I noticed in an earlier thread about visit frequency that some of you visit every 6-8 weeks (our average is 4-5 months at the moment). I know I'm being uber-paranoid and obsessive about this, but do those of you who visit that much get hassled at passport control for seeing each other that often? I hate to say it, but as much as it will hurt, I'm almost considering asking him to forego his December visit so we don't raise any eyebrows with the US side of things before the wedding (which means we'd only see each other twice in the next 16 months, ew). . .how have folks here handled the situation? (I'd really prefer not to go the UK fiance route so I can work right away, for the record.)

I'm also considering applying for the UK tourist visa since my passport is full of stamps (I was there legally for a year during my MA and obviously entered multiple times) and I don't want to risk getting turned back five months before we make the spousal app when I visit again next March. Has anyone applied for the UK tourist visa just to ease their frazzled nerves (I've never had much trouble up to this point) or am I bonkers for even considering that? I most certainly have friends in the UK independently of my fiance so when I've said I'm "visiting friends" it's the truth too because I do visit them as well--the problem is that the majority are male!!!

I'm sorry that I've been posting so much about my fears about being denied entry, but I just can't seem to shake this monkey. :\\\'( Here's a question for you, then (probably the "real" one, heh)--HOW THE HECK DO I STOP WORRYING ABOUT THIS?! Any tips?

Another question--have any of the ladies here taken off their e-rings before going through passport control so as not to arouse suspicion? (I was considering putting mine on a chain around my neck next time I visit.)

Now that I'm sure I've come off as a completely neurotic basket case, I would like to thank you all for reading.

Last year, before getting married in October, my fiance came over to the US 3 times (March, May and August) and had been in the US for 3 months from Sept.2005-Dec. 2005 as well. He was never questioned at all, beyond the normal 'business or holiday?' type thing.

I don't think you should worry about applying for a tourist visa or limiting your fiance's visits. I completely believe that as long as you can demonstrate that you understand and respect the immigration rules, and can show how you are playing by them (bring evidence of your return home/ties to home, etc) and explain the situation (i.e. you're getting married next year, and will apply for the appropriate visas at that time) you will be fine in both countries.

Okay, cool. It's just that you read so many horror stories and it's enough to make you crazy!! Everyone tells you a different thing. Mention this, don't mention that, yadda yadda yadda.

I know. But to be honest, I've never read a removal story where the people had met, had all their ducks in a row, and had all the evidence needed to satisfy their story. I'm not saying it never happens, but all the stories I've read, usually have another element to them (ie the couple has never met, cannot prove ties to country, cannot prove enough funds, etc). I'm not saying that completely innocent people don't get turned away at times, but with your evidence and story, I really don't see how there would be a problem.

Just remember: You are telling the truth. You are following the rules. You have nothing to hide and it will be fine.

Also, not sure if there is any truth at all, but my husband's theory is that by having so many short trips (usually 1-2 weeks) in and out of the US, it demonstrated that he continually left when he said he would, and with plenty of time on his visa. That's just his theory though.

I agree with kate mate.  The trick is evidence, evidence, evidence, and knowledge.  Don't volunteer more information than they ask for, but always tell the truth if they do ask and back things up with evidence that the person who's visiting plans to return home.

You have to remember, out of the thousands of people who go through UK and US borders every day, only a small fraction get detained or denied entry.  The odds are on your side

Haha yeah, rationally I know that. I think the reason I can't seem to ease my nerves (and A, I didn't mention this on my LJ) is that the woman 5 people in front of me at Manchester during my visit a month ago was the poster child for LDR removal issues. She was fairly loud, so we could overhear a lot of what was going on, and it was the same story--met the fellow online, never met before, in tears, even though she was staying only a week they were giving her the third degree, etc. The woman in front of me (dual citizen, actually went through the non-UK national line because it was shorter!!) turned around to me and said "She mentioned her boyfriend?? Is she *stupid*?!?" That said, I know rationally you're right about having ducks in a row from experience.

To be honest, I'm more worried about the US borders simply because on FH's first visit to the US back in '05, he was hassled and I don't even know why (who are you meeting? how did you meet? is she really just a friend? *suspicious look* okay, welcome to America.). He was only staying for five days with no previous, so all I can figure out is that it was a case of dumb luck where he happened to be the one who randomly got interviewed further. Of course, it's put a bad taste in our mouths about the whole POE thing from the start, even though he got waved through with no hassle at all this past January.

In addition to that (and A, you may have read this already) my experience with the visa-issuing process has been a very inconsistent one (in that another individual and myself were applying for a student visa and had the exact same supporting documents, but she was treated much differently), so my general impression is that anything can happen, and I do try to prepare for the worst. Plus, I just read about it on so many boards here and elsewhere that I can't think "oh, it'll never happen to me". 

But thanks for listening ladies, as always!!

My DF got the run around at US Immigration too.  He told them that I worked for the government so they grilled him.  However, I don't work for the government, I work with the government, which is different.  The bad thing is they pulled him aside AFTER he had already gone through the passport bit.  Of course, this was Boston in October after the whole British flights to the US bomb scare thing.  So, young male travelling alone, etc, etc.

Once I finally saw him (nearly two hours after his plane landed), he just looked at me all bleary-eyed, said hi, and then told me that they had lost one of his bags.  He had a long day! 

But, I know what you mean, I am worrier too.  DF always says, "You ruminate too much.  As long as we get our stuff in order, we will be fine.  Don't worry so much!"  I really should listen to him...

DF always says, "You ruminate too much.  As long as we get our stuff in order, we will be fine.  Don't worry so much!"  I really should listen to him...

I think our other halves would get along rather well . . . I usually respond with "Yeah, but if I *wasn't* worrying, you'd probably think I was replaced by a pod person!" "True, true."

When are you getting married? (Nice to see you on eljay, btw!!)

Also, and OT, but "lover of Medieval History?" I got my MA in Medieval Studies from Leeds!  What's your area of interest??

OMG, we need to talk!  My degree is in Medieval Studies!  AHHHH!  I am so excited to meet someone like me!  Just got bouncy with excitement!  I intend to do my MA once I move to the UK.  My interest is Medieval English Literature and Medieval Women.  Did you like the Leeds program?

So, does that mean when I move to the UK, I will have a buddy to crawl around castles with (that would make DF sooo happy because then he won't have to go all the time!)?

We don't have a date yet (blasted new fees!)...

Ok, waaaay off topic, huh?  PM me and we will chat!   

AAAH! I have totally PM'ed you with more info. ASK ASK ASK ME THINGS! Since you're also on LJ, check out the "medievalstudies" community. A few of my old coursemates are on there and it would be a good place to get opinions on other UK programs as well (York is also excellent and respected in the field; I was accepted for my doctorate there but then realized that wasn't for me.)

Yes, of course it does. I'm always up for castle-crawling (and to be honest, I'm hoping to make more expat friends somehow anyway so I'm not all sad being alone and American, haha!) Gotta have people to celebrate covert Thanksgivings and Fourths of July, you know.

Last year I went to visit my bf in Leeds (arriving at Manc airport) three times (once in Jan, Sept., and Dec.) never had any problems or questions other than "what are you here for?" "have you met your bf before?" "how long are you here?" etc. and then always let me through after about a minute of these questions, no problems

Ooh, you mentioned your boyfriend without serious hassle? That's good to know.

M, I think that while I still stand by my post above, I will acknowledge that sometimes, immigration is just a bit of a crapshoot, even if you're the best prepared ever.  You can't ever be 100% in control of the outcome, because you can't control the mood, skill or experience the IO that you get will have on that particular day.  All you can do is have all your ducks in a row on your end and try to anticipate problems that might come up.  But in the end, it's the IO's call and that is that.

Yeah, I've always been honest that I was going to see my bf, and all they really asked was if I'd met him before and how we met really, they never questioned me for more than a minute and then let me go on. Although last time they asked me about why when I'd been over in Sept. I had a stamp from both my arrival in Manc and then a few days later from when I arrived back in Leeds-Bradfort airport after we'd been in Majorca. I just explained that we'd gone to Majorca after I'd arrived in the U.K for a few days and then we returned to the U.K. after that. Again no issue and no hassle about it after I answered their question.

acknowledge that sometimes, immigration is just a bit of a crapshoot, even if you're the best prepared ever.

Sometimes? ALWAYS.

You can't ever be 100% in control of the outcome.

Yeah, I know that rationally, but you also know me well enough to appreciate my tendency to micromanage things, immigration-related and non!