Thanks, everyone, for your replies.
The problems of going as Swiss nationals is simply that we've been married a year and no one told us we had to register this IN Switzerland. It seems rather silly to me now...but we have to send our paperwork to the consulate here then it gets sent on to Switzerland.
The actual process won't take more than a month max, maybe a few weeks...but all the supporting documents (my birth cert., marriage lisc., etc) have to be originals and issued in the last 6 months. This is a problem because we're in VA and I'm from AL and her American stuff is in PA.
Then, the whole of Switzerland is changing/updating their passports to some kind of biometric thingy, and that slows us down.
There's more too it I won't bore you with...but there are so many little things that have to be done in an order (and not simultaneously) that it will take too long.
So, it's not that it's not a possibility - it's just not doable in 2 months. We'd need maybe 6. If I'd known about all these hitches earlier, we'd be just find.
NOW: ANOTHER QUESTION:
If I go as an American under visa - does she have to go as my dependant? or can she travel as a Swiss on her passport (which hasn't expired yet and can be renewed once there)?