Feeling lost

I've been having one of those terrible weeks with my man, he is traveling on business and I am here in the states wondering when we are going to get this ball moving. Ball moving meaning, when are we going to be together.
We've set a game plan in motion but the distance is making me very insecure. I am afraid that we won't be together, and I am more afraid that he will walk away because it is the easier thing to do. I know he probably thinks the same of me.
I guess I just dont feel like I have anyone to talk to, no one in my life has experienced this sort of relationship, and can't give me any words of encouragement that will help me cope. I miss him so much when we are apart. I keep picking fights with him, and it is driving me and him crazy. Don't really know what else to say, just thought it would feel better to get this off my chest.

Well you have come to the right place cause so many of us on UK-Yankee have been through this or are still going through it.  All your fears and frustrations are only natural but as long as you and your BF keep communicating and keep moving on with your plans, it WILL happen! Try not to get into long distance fights though ... that can only make it harder.

Have you told him, like you've stated here, how you feel.  Seems as if you have and that that should be something of a bond between you.  You aren't going thru this alone.  He's right there with you.  Perhaps sharing some of those same emotions.  I think it might be good to have the conversation that makes both of you feel you are in it together and that you want to make it work.  Only the two of you can decide that.  

How often are you able to talk to each other?  My fiance and I speak every day.  Even if its a quick 10 minute call.  When you can feel a part of his everyday life (even if he is traveling) then you feel more of a connection.  Even when you can't physically be with each other.  

I am getting married next month.  So I'm fully prepared to put up with however short our conversations will be - its easy for me cause we are together always after this.  Its one of those frustrating things that will end.  I know its not that simple when you don't have that to count on.  My relationship to him is 3 years old.  It takes time but that is a good thing.  Its a big decision to move.  You should take your time with it.

I know you aren't alone in how you feel.  You'll probably find plenty of people here that have been in your shoes.  But you need to stop picking fights.  Commit yourself and ask him to as well.  Be sure you really want to be this committed.  Its not an easy way to have a relationship for sure.  If you are meant for each other  - then you aren't alone - you have each other to lean on when the times are hardest.

Please hang in there.  Talk to your honey.  Things will get better.  

Awww.  I do know how you feel.    It takes two very strong people to make it work and anyone who thinks being in an LDR isn't as much/more work than a 'regular' relationship, has never been through the trials of one.

When you're apart from each other, many of your insecurities can surface and, as they are with the both of you, can cause arguments (as they also did with Sean and I).  You both have to remember that your situation won't last forever.  I know that when you're apart, it's easy to forget that the person on the other end of the phone is real.  You can start to take them for granted and say things you wouldn't normally.  Problems always seem magnified when the only person that's also in it, is 5,000 miles away.  It does make it feel as though you're completely alone.   :-/

I don't really have any advice to offer as I'm shite at knowing what to say.  :-/   Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone and that there are many of us here who are going through the same thing.  Feel free to vent.. it does help to get it off your chest to people who genuinely understand.  It's so difficult though when you don't have anyone to talk to who has been through something similar.  That's why we're here.  

You two are on the right track by having already talked about possibilities in the future and where you hope to go.  Hold onto that but don't lose sight of the reasons you want to be together in the first place... Good luck to you

Thanks for the words. They help a lot. I think the reason I pick fights may be because when we are together for our long weekends, we are totally on the same page, we talk the whole time we are together. But once he or I return to the other side of the Atlantic it gets hard. I know I should be happy with ten minutes here and there, whenever we can pull away from work to speak to one another, but after ten minutes on the phone, I sometimes just miss him more than before.
Although, we DO speak everyday. Sometimes a few times a day. Most of the real seperation comes from when he is traveling (which is how I met him, and what he does a lot of the time for work).
Its funny, Kizmet you mentioned being committed to one another. He told me last weekend when we were together that I was his best friend and he was totally committed to me. Words no man has ever spoken to me before. Yet, here I am a week later, wondering, is this really going to work out?
I guess maybe I need a swift kick in the a** sometimes....I am just afraid of getting hurt. But I haven't stopped putting myself out there, and I've not held back with him at all. So I guess that is a good thing, no matter what the outcome.
It just feels good to talk with people who are in the same boat as me.

Sounds like you are doing all the right things - both of you.  So have a little faith Kitten.  Have faith in yourself that you picked a wonderful man that loves you.  Have faith in him that he needs you and wants the relationship you have - no matter how hard it sometimes gets.  Then too, have faith that you and he make a strong, loving, terrific couple that have the tools and the foundation to work out anything.  Just have faith.  

Kitten...  if this helps at all... for 3 years, I doubted my being with Tom would ever happen...I did not trust the good luck I was having in finding such a good man... and up until the day I got on the plane to come here...I was still worried and concerned that it would not happen...

I use to drive Tom batty and also pick fights with him from the distance... luckily I have a man that is very patient with my concerns...but we did have a few rows throughout our time apart.

For the most part, it was within myself that I needed to try and trust and even if I still had my doubts and worries of whether it would happen...i did my best to not take it out on Tom...  

Now here I speak to you from the UK...been here since November...no more doubts...and trust after many of lifes dissapoints has come to be second nature with Tom...

I do understand your feelings... they are fairly normal with LDDS (Long distance distress syndrome)

Trust in him that his words to you are real...and you will be fine.  I know it is dang hard at times...but I trust in the fact that you can do it.

shel

 I really cant add anymore then what everyone has said so far,but here is an (((Hug))) anywhoo  

You aren't the only one. I think that it's perfectly natural to have doubts when you are apart. It was really hard for me for the first six months of my relationship with Kevin, but it is getting better as time goes on.

I used to be very sensitive and we used to fight a lot on the phone...actually *I* used to fight with him. I get very upset when we are apart - it *is* hard. However, in the last couple of months things have gotten better and we fight less. I am starting to "get used to the idea" of this LTR. I don't like it, but I know that in 8 months I will be with him for good in England.

I try to remember how good it is when we are together and project that into the current situation of being apart. Sometimes it's hard to remember, but I keep on trying and that eases things a bit.

We also have a $49.00/month unlimited calling plan to the UK which is excellent because we talk a lot - and for long periods of time.

It's hard, but here's a ((((hug)))) for you.

Doreen

We also have a $49.00/month unlimited calling plan to the UK which is excellent because we talk a lot - and for long periods of time.

How did you get that?  What carrier?
Im moving in just a month to England, but spent over $200 last month in calls.  I would love to know how you get 49/month for future reference!!!

Lou you can dial 10 10 987 and the numbers and pay only 3 cents a minute.  That's not a bad deal either.  Try it.

My fiance has some evil phone company that he MUST use because he is living in Uni accomidation right now.  How we now long for BT, despite their downfalls.  He has a 0870 number - some kind of stupid "premium" number that costs an absurd amount to call.  i was using 10106400, which is 5 cents a minute and no connection charge, which is fine with a BT number, but to call him at Uni is 30 cents a minute.  So we are back to my old calling card which is a smashing 10 cents a minute in comparison.  We can't seem to get any better than that which his stupid phone company, and we can't bear to talk for less than an hour a night.  we tried to only talk every other night, but just ended up talking for two hours!  
so, we still pay $6-8 per day to talk. :-/

I can't wait until we don't have to bother with that anymore!

lou - have you tried a phone card from 7-Eleven?  The rates on those are pretty good - it's what I used when living in the US.  I found them to be better money than ones from Target or Walgreens or Wal-Mart.