my crap attitude...

Hi Angel

This forum is for letting off steam so no need to apologise and as others have said, you're are not alone with the way you feel about your move over here. I might have responded to some of your comments sounding as if I was mortally offended but I'm not - sometimes I just try to show that it's not ALL bad here, that's all.

It must be hard being in a small/rural  place too - no wonder you feel isolated - and it is terrible to lose friends and relatives when you're so far away - I hope things brighten up for you soon,

take care

Liz

thank you, everyone for all of the support and words of encouragement.  i wish we all lived in the same city over here, so i could pop in and bug you all for a few minutes everyday, drink some tea, and eat all of your Watsits.  
this site gives me the feeling of that; of having friends in England with common interests and situations, and that's why i show up here almost daily.

my art is very important to me.  it's what i use to release my feelings of frustration, etc.    it relaxes my mind and spirit.  i guess thats a major reason that i am so down.  i don't have a positive release from my negative feelings (besides this forum) so i hold it all inside and let it build up.  i need some inspiration desparately!

i keep asking some local girls that i know if they want to take some sort of art class with me, and they say that they are interested, but then they forget about it.   well, one goes to uni full time, and another is getting married in a few weeks, so i really don't want to keep bugging them anymore about it.  i'd take one myself, but to be honest, i'm scared of public transport on my own, and the nearest place for classes is Derby University, i think.  :-/

if any of you live near Derby, and would be interested in taking a class with me, you should let me know.  if i had someone else to take a class with, i'd be much more brave about getting there, for sure...   i do all sorts of art, so the type of class could be just about anything, and i'd enjoy it...  painting, drawing, pottery/ceramics, calligraphy, sewing, or whatever!     i think it would be both fun and therapeutic, and a good way to meet more people with an interest in art, or even another common interest...

...and after class, we could pop over to A&W for a rootbeer float!  *lol*

anyway, its an idea...  if anyone would be interested, please let me know.  you can feel free to PM if you'd like.

thanx again...  

luv,
Angel
x o x o

i'd take one myself, but to be honest, i'm scared of public transport on my own, and the nearest place for classes is Derby University, i think.  

OK, we've identified one of the problems here.  Fear of Public Transport.  We've all been there. You can conquer this.  You really can.  
Buses-go to the station and ask for a time-table.   Then you can find out which bus goes near you and what time.  The general rule is that you stand on the side of the street in the direction you want to go.  Every bus has a number.  On the sign next to the stop it'll say the bus number, where it stops and what times.  The number is on the front of the bus.  Anyone at a bus stop should be able to tell you what number you need to get where you're going.  Tell the bus driver where you want to go and he'll tell you how much.  Single means one way.   Return means round trip.  Watch for your stop and ring the bell  when you want him to stop. Say thank you.  
Trains.  Go to the station get a time table.  If you're there, look at the big signs it'll tell you where the train goes, where it stops, what time it leaves and what platform to wait on.  
It's no big deal if you make a mistake.  Just ask for help.  I promise people will help.
Now, you assignment for this week is to get a bus into the nearest town by yourself, get a cup of coffee, have a wander around and get a bus home.  Then report back to us.  

Mindy's suggestions are great.  And she's right.. if I can manage the public transport there, ANYONE can.  (I'm pretty much blind and can't read the timetables and such)..  Maybe your husband can take the time to show you around once or twice, just so you have a bit of confidence doing it alone.  

Again.. don't be afraid to ask.  I've seen plenty of locals have to ask for specific routes and info from the driver.

(I haven't managed the trains yet as the info is always listed up on a big board which I haven't got a chance at seeing... maybe one of these days I'll feel able to  :-/ )

The day I got on a train by myself and took a trip was a HUGE day in adjusting to English life - - - things like that make *all* the difference in the world.

The day I got on a train by myself and took a trip was a HUGE day in adjusting to English life - - - things like that make *all* the difference in the world.

Yes they do and I did feel the same the day I took the train in London from our station to Victoria .I was so proud of myself;even though I still had a hard time with the military time for departures and arrivals   LOL  

Angel...Mindy has just opened a HUGE door for you.
But you won't realize it unless you take those steps.

One of the best things you can do is prepare ahead of time. Timetables might be daunting, so if you looked up information online, at least that will whittle down your choices, make it all less confusing. Once you've done this and can figure one route and understand it, then look at a timetable. It'll be much easier to work out then.

I'll be very happy to look up a route for you...I find that sort of thing fun.

But, the biggest thing is to ask for help. I always felt a bit weird doing it because of my accent. But when I did actually go places on my own, people would come up to ME to ask! The funny thing...a lot of the time I knew the answer!

I love trains the best because if you have a straight shot someplace, there's very little to confuse you. Get on/get off. Try an easy train ride...it's really quite fun!

I want to get back to this "help" thing again because it's really important you know this. You may think that everyone has grown up with a timetable in their hands because everyone just seems to *know* where they are going and what route to take and when. I felt that way. But once I got out there I realized what the whole secret was: everyone asks questions!

Hi Angel,
I read your posts and all the replies and can so identify to you.  I left six children, 3 grandkids, parents, friends, sunny warm California, almost 3 years ago, and am finally able to appreciate what it means to be fortunate enough to start a new life, and at the age of 46.

At first the only thing that kept me here was my husband, boyfriend at the time.  I was also very independent and felt I lost a piece of me when I came here. I hated everything about this country. It was hard coming from an "easy life", (we American's are so spoiled in someways), I had my own "detached home", my own car, a huge suv actually, can you imagine driving anything bigger than a mini here?? Anyway, I had to learn to take public transportation because I was too afraid to even attempt driving, and also depend on my husband to take me anywhere.  I hated the fact that there where no outlets in the bathrooms, I hated the fact that I had to bag my own groceries, I hated the fact that most everything in the area I live in Leeds, on Sunday's closes at 4 in the afternoon, meaning grocery stores.  I hated the fact that there were mobs of people everywhere, and no one would move out of your way, or even say excuse me, or your welcome. I even hated to speak because I feared I would say something wrong, I just felt so different, and would always get the usual, "why would you leave California for England". I remember walking to the city centre, slipping and sliding all over the icy paths, freezing my bum off and thinking wtf am I doing here, at 46 starting over, I thought things should be getting easier, but they seemed to be getting more and more difficult.  

Then one day I just thought well, either learn to love it or leave it, and because of my husband and some dear friends I have met here things started to get better.  I started to appreciate the fact that I live in a country where the scenery is nothing what I am used to. I mean there are very gorgeous places in California and the whole of the states, but something here just draws you in like a magnet.

My whole attitude changed and I am learning to adapt to the ways here and can honestly say I like it more and more each day. I even for the first time last month took a train by myself to York, and figured it all on my own, and it felt good that I was able to do it.  I am getting my independence back and that is a great feeling.  I still ache for my kids and grandkids, family and friends, but I still see them once a year, and thanks to the internet get to communicate quite often.  Also working has helped tremendously, because I have been able to meet some great british people, and they are all so friendly. Yes and of course they will take the "mick" out of me, but you learn to roll with the punches, and get a thick skin.

This site and other's is a great way to vent, to support, and just read what others feel and how they make lemons to lemonade. It helps, take care, and things will get better, I promise, people do really care.

Celia

Dear Angel,

{{{{{{{{A big welcome from a Brit.}}}}}}}}}}}}

I truly understand how you feel, having felt that way myself in the States after 2 years of feeling isolated, not driving, couldn't work yet and so on and then, I came home and my husband came with me and then he had to go through it all - and to be honest after 5 years, he still does sometimes. ( long story short, circumstances have now changed and we are going to head back to the U.S!)

What I wanted to say was that you clearly have some real empathy and support here and had I had some of this  when I was in the US, I never would have left! - now why couldn't I have met all you nice American ladies when I was there - how did I only meet the " me, me, me" ones ?!

The transport thing is definately one to come to grips with ( hubby ended up all over the place when he first tried it!) but with his accent and lovely manners, people never failed to strike up a conversation with him, yes, the old chestnut of " why are you here" gets boring, but look at it as an opportunity to interact, you never know who you will meet and *most* brits love to meet friendly Americans.

And you know what else, sometimes it is just okay to think, I bl**dy hate this place, hate the people, what the hell am I doing here, slam some doors, whinge away and then feel better, we have all been there I am sure!

chin up sweetie

Sheril


NB) In memory of the people who you have recently lost, why not do what I did, something in their memory, like plant a new rosebush or go somewhere beautiful on a lovely day and release some balloons for them, sometimes it helps to pay tribute wherever you are.

Now, you assignment for this week is to get a bus into the nearest town by yourself, get a cup of coffee, have a wander around and get a bus home.  Then report back to us.  

thank you, Mindy for your help, and for the HOMEWORK!  *lol*  unfortunately, i am doing some painting (walls) at the house this week, and also don't really have any extra money for shopping.    but i promise that i will do it soon!

also, thank you Lisa for your explanation of the time tables.  they are super confusing.  i agree, too, that asking questions is important, and i'm not afraid to do that.  i have a hard time with this 24-hour clock thing.  :-/

 Maybe your husband can take the time to show you around once or twice, just so you have a bit of confidence doing it alone.  

i agree, Terinth.  we are planning on doing that one of these days, its just difficult because he works all week, and we have so much to do on the weekends.  if i could have someone come with me and show me whats going on once or twice, i think i'd be okay.

the other big thing is that i have no sense of direction in this country.  i am used to straight, flat, "gridded" roads, (Wisconsin-style  *lol*) and have no clue where i am half the time over here.  i fear getting on a bus or train and missing my stop because i wouldn't recognise where i should be.  

NB) In memory of the people who you have recently lost, why not do what I did, something in their memory, like plant a new rosebush or go somewhere beautiful on a lovely day and release some balloons for them, sometimes it helps to pay tribute wherever you are.

that is an excellent idea, and thank you, Sheril.  

thank you, everyone for your encouragement.    i also want to add that i walk into the town we live in usually once a week by myself, and do some shopping, so i am not a total chicken sh**.  *lol*  i also took a cab in Aylesbury(it was the one and only time i was there) to the downtown/market area, shopped for a few hours, and took a cab back to our hotel (by myself) one saturday while my husband was working down there.  cabs are cool, because the driver knows where he/she is going, and i don't have to know where i am, and worry when i should ring the bell to stop.

i was really proud of myself for doing all of that on my own, but to be honest, it would have been more fun to have a friend along to talk to. :-/  i don't mind doing things by myself, but it is always more fun with company, people to laugh and talk with...

i guess thats what holds me back most of the time.  i could catch the next bus into Derby if i wanted to, i guess, but that doesn't appeal to me at all, really.  i have no idea where i'd go and what i'd do.   i'd end up walking around aimlessly by myself with no one to talk to.

in the states, it was different.  i'd hop in my lil red Civic, and go to the mall or wherever alone, get what i needed, and go home, no worries.  i knew where i was going, i knew where to find what i needed, and occasionally run into people that i knew.  
it's just not the same here for me.  i can't drive here (yet).  all of my favourite shops don't exist, i don't know very many locals, and i have no clue where anything is, (stores, products...) etc etc.  its really frustrating!  

i know, i know...  i will never find out unless i get out there, right?  

it just sucks.  i had like a million friends back home, and i always had cool people to hang out with everyday.  here, i am just "Pete's wife", some silly American girl with no friends.  it's absolutely pathetic.  

ok, i lie, i do have one friend that i met here, that didn't know my husband.  she is a super cool, really nice American girl that lives in this same lil town that i live in.  she has been here about 3 years, i think.  i just feel stupid calling her all of the time to hang out, as i know she probably has better things to do.  plus, she works a lot, and doesn't have as much free time as i do...

*sigh*

my new life is so boring...   :'(
my husband is really great and everything, don't get me wrong...  i just need more than that right now.

Hi Angel it strikes me that you need more info about what's on offer where you live ... maybe check out your local library or the library in the nearest big town .. they often have information about classes and social events of all kinds. Also your local paper. Maybe you've done all this already but just thought I'd suggest it, just in case.  If there are no classes in your area that you like the look of, why not start one up yourself, share your artistic talents with the locals, they are probably as bored as you are!

I don't know what your work situation is but often when you move to a new place, your workmates can be a mine of information as well.

As for the public transport thing ... I really DO sympathise on this one, I know what it is like trying to navigate the public transport in an unfamiliar place, it can take a while but you don't seem the shrinking violet sort so DO get out there and get on a bus/train somewhere. Have a day out exploring somewhere you haven't been before. Don't be afraid to ask for directions or help with timetables.

let us know how it goes

I don't know what your work situation is but often when you move to a new place, your workmates can be a mine of information as well.

oh yeah, that's another thing... i don't have a job. :-/

You *have* got a job, dear Angel:  you're a artist!  That's a full-time job!  Now, this from your Uncle Howard: get the bus to Derby - as per advice above - and stock up on some essential elementary artists' materials (there's an artist materials shop called the Art Store at 11a Friargate), even if it's only charcoals and big paper, and now that the weather's getting better, go out and do some studies of where you live: your friends in the US will love to see them (so will your friends on UKY!!!!!)

Don't wait till your art stuff from America arrives - start drawing now!

 Well you heard the man,Angel.Get your behind in gear!  

Howard I have to say that is a brilliant idea!  Ok Angel its up to you now.  Good luck and I can't wait to hear about all the new things you've discovered.  Just think...you could be missing out on some things while you're marinating in the house.