I'm just really sad.

My best friend in the whole world lost her brother today as a result of murder. He got into a fight, the guy picked him up and slammed him head first into the ground. He went into coma immediatly. He was basically braindead and was being kept alive by a resperator. She called me this morning at 4am crying so hard I could bearly understand her. My heart aches for her as I know what she's going through.

I just can't get my head around all the death that's surrounded my friends and family within the last 6 months. It takes me back and brings up alot of upset for me. After I got off the phone with her I just stood there in shock. I remember she was my first call when my sister died and I was exactly like her. Its just so much!

I feel like the worst friend as she's in Reno and when she comes back I'll be in Minnesota and not here for her but I have prior engagments that I have to attend. I want to be her support like she was for me when Brit died. When Brit died she came over to my house and brought me a thing of Chocolate Oreo cookies as my "medicine" because she knew how much I loved them and knew it would put a smile on my face. I just want to give her some "medicine" and I feel bad that I'm going to be gone. She said it's okie and I can bring her chocolate chip cookies when I get back but...to me it's not the same! I just feel like such a crappy friend!!

I'm just so incredibly sad...sad for my friend and sad for her family...sad thinking about my sister...sad knowing that my best friend is going to go through exactly what I have and it's something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I'm just sad...

How can people do these kinda things?? I just don't understand!!  :\\\'(

That's a shocking tragedy. How horrible for your friend and her family, and you too.  *hugs*

So sorry to hear that, reeka.

My best friend's dad died in November, less than two months after mine. It definitely made me go through my dad's death all over. But at the same time, I think being there for her helped me in my own grieving.

**virtual hug**

I'm sorry you're feeling that way, you've been going through a hard time.  You are there for your friend emotionally and that's what you both need.  You've both lost someone close to you so you each know what it's like and can be there for each other in a way that some might not be able to completely relate.  The fact that you feel so bad about not being there physically when she gets back shows what a good friend you are. 

Oh my friend you have been through so much, I will keep both your family and hers in my prayers.

Sorry you and she are having to go through these tough times.  However, just because you won't be around when she gets back in no way makes you less of a friend.  Continue to be there for her in the ways that you can at the moment, she'll appreciate and love you for it.

Hi Reeeka,

First thing that I thought of as I read that is

She's your best friend - she'll understand you can't be there at that particular time she gets back

2nd thing - you can always schedule some time for you both when you do get back to have only you and her time to talk about both your recent losses - I know I'd be chuffed if my best mate did that for me if i was ever in a similar situation.

3rd - You're right about all the hostility, it's a terrible reflection on our societies in the modern world. As I discovered, there are small ways in which you can keep you're own nose as clean as possible to reduce being a part of this nasty element of modern life.

Stay positive,

DtM - West London & Slough UK

(((hugs)))

Oh hon I'm so sorry. It's so hard when you want to be there for someone physically, but can't. I'm sure she understands why you'll be away. Just keep in touch with her and be there, even if it's over the phone.  If you wanted to get her something like the oreos that she did for you, put together a little basket or something and have someone drop it off to her. I'm sure it would mean alot to her. The world can seem like such a terrible place sometimes. My thoughts are with you and her.

I am so sorry Reeka. It is hard when it all comes back to you.

I agree with Tristessa..make her up a basket of something and leave it for her to have when she arrives. The thoughtfulness will only remind her of what a good friend you are and will always be. I have a best friend in the USA that I know if I ever need her she would be right there. Good friends like you and her are hard to come by.


Don't feel guilty about not being there physically she knows you are there in spirit and that counts just as much!

I don't have any advice or words of wisdom, but I'm really sorry that you and your friends have to go through this again. Try not to feel guilty about not being there. If you were not coming to the US at all, you'd still not be able to "be there" for her in person. I can't imagine how hard it is, but honestly you're not avoiding her. I'm sure she knows that it's not possible for you to be there in person and understands. ((hugs)) She loves you and she knows you love her too. Be strong.

I'm so sorry.

I really sorry that you and your friend are dealing with this all over again.  I'm sure she knows how much you love her and that you would be there if you could.  The other posters had some great ideas on what you could do to "make up for it".  But, honestly, I don't think she'd ever consider the need for you to make up for anything. 

My heart goes out to you, I'm so sorry, please accept my condolences

erika - I'm so very sorry.

Your heartfelt emotions and love towards your friend will be apparent. Don't underestimate the importance of being that one person she knows really gets[ her; just keep making yourself available in ways that you can, there are still many ways to keep in touch even though it is not in the most ideal form.

As well, take care of yourself and get support from those who love you.