email from my mother

So, the details of my relocation have just been somewhat finalized regarding dates, etc. Me, my husband, 2 kids (2yr old boy and 2 month old girl) and 2 dogs are moving to London on August 5th. I prepped my parents at the beginning of may that this might happen (though they've always known the possibility of an intl move because my husband is Swedish and has always wanted to move back to Europe). I just got an email from my mom that only said "I feel like I have had ‘heart-o-suction’." with a sad face. I just replied with a sad face because I don't know what else to say. To me this is the same as if I was moving across country. Would they be feeling the same way then?

I think they're most upset about the kids moving away. They really love having my son Jonas over for the night or weekend and had all these plans about taking him camping, fishing, etc.

What do you do/say when you get emails or calls like that? Just let them vent and not say much?

Yep... it's their problem.  Let them wallow in it, but YOU dont have to!

Yep... it's their problem.  Let them wallow in it, but YOU dont have to!

Thanks. I'm trying

Ah the guilt trip! All mothers have the gift of guilt. Try to stay strong but remain firm about your plans. This is your life afterall.
Best wishes!

I've had emails like that from my mother- I agree with QG.  It's her problem...she can feel sad if she wants to, but she will cope.  You do not need to feel guilty at all.  It's tough, I know, but really there's not that much you can do that will change her reaction if she's determined to wallow for a little while.

My mother was better about refraining from voicing her heartbreak directly to me, but she certainly made no secret of the fact that she felt the same way your mom does.  Can't say I blame her, but I agree that it's *not* something you need to hear right now.

When we moved over here last year, we actually used FF miles to bring my mother with us for the first week.  She was invaluable in keeping an eye on our kids (2 and 4 at the time) while we sorted out details and got ourselves generally organized, which made an enormous difference to us.  In return, she felt reassured that she'd still remain a part of our lives even while we were living abroad, and being able to picture where we were and what we were doing helped her a lot when she returned home.  I know not everyone has this kind of miles  (we just happened to have 10 years of my husband's miles from trips back and forth to London), but if you do, it might be something to consider.

In addition, we make sure to talk to my parents every weekend on webcams (we use Skype).  It's not the same as being together in person, but the fact that my kids can be silly and natural with their grandparents and the fact that my folks get to notice every haircut and see every cool art project helps everyone feel like the relationship is as strong as ever.  Perhaps even if the airline ticket idea is out of reach, you could buy your parents a webcam as a "goodbye" gift?  I suspect your mom just needs a little reassurance right now...

I've dealt with a lifetime of Catholic guilt from my mother.

Now, it just rolls right off me like water off a duck's back.

It wasn't so bad with my folks, because I had my kids here and they have really busy social lives.

Perhaps even if the airline ticket idea is out of reach, you could buy your parents a webcam as a "goodbye" gift?  I suspect your mom just needs a little reassurance right now...

Great idea. We also set my mother up with a VOIP phone before I left, which she loves, as it means free communication, and she can call whenever she likes. My brother is going to get one now as well.

I'm lucky in that my mother has been very easy going about all of this. Although she did let out a quiet "I wish you two lived closer" last time we were on the phone.

what is a VOIP phone?

Here's the technical bit: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/VOIP, but it's basically a phone that you plug in to USB port on the computer. We then have an account with a VOIP provider (Skype is a popular one, we use VOIPCheap) which lets us make calls for free or for very cheap (depending on where you are calling and if it is a landline/mobile). The connection can be a little patchy at times, but it's usually fine. We set my mom up with a phone and an account before I left, and she uses it all the time.

Ah, the old "you are breaking my heart by moving away" speech. Heard it before, too. It's your life, plain and simple, have no regrets.

I blog about life here in the UK.  My family love love love it.  It lets them know that I'm OK and they see Squidge growing up before their eyes.  I know that a lot of people aren't comfortable w/ having personal details on the web.  It works for us and when I came over for the summer my aunt took one look at Squidge and said 'I KNOW you!'.  I loved that she feels like she's a part of our lives.  Good luck w/ the move and I hope all goes well w/ your mom.