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Topic: Grandmother dying.  (Read 7929 times)

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Grandmother dying.
« on: June 06, 2007, 12:45:38 PM »
my grandmother turned 81 a few weeks ago.  she's had various health problems, beaten cervical cancer, jaw cancer, has a pacemaker, etc. 

on sunday she was helicoptered to a philly hospital, she has bleeding in her brain (ie stroke).  she's now paralyzed on one side of her body, in/out consciousness, garbled speech, may be put on a ventilator later today.

when everyone heard the news my two older sisters came home- one on monday and one will be home wednesday  i feel very very guilty, but i'm leaning on not going home today or tomorrow. the boy & i had bought tickets ages ago to come home this friday (there's a family wedding on 15-june).  i went back/forth with this.  and i'm still not certain i made the right choice.   i would be going home for my family, not for my grandmother.  i knew she was on a downward spiral, i went home and saw her in april, we had a great afternoon together.  i'm not sure i want to see her in the hospital. 

i think what i've resolved to do is go home on friday, but instead of staying 2 weeks, stay a few more (i can work from the US office).  i'm saying this to myself & my family to justify why i didn't hop on a plane the minute i heard.  i feel like i'm going to be the "bad" granddaughter who didn't come in.

even though i know she's lived a great life, and would want to die quickly and not linger, i just feel like there's a hole in my stomach. 

to complicate the matter, my cousin (this grandmother is both our grandmothers), is getting married 15-june.  if my grandmother passes away, will she still get married?  it's going to be such a rollercoaster of emotions.
If you harbour bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.


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Re: Grandmother dying.
« Reply #1 on: June 06, 2007, 12:55:01 PM »
big big big hugs to you.

this can't be easy. 
it's not where you're born, it's where you belong

-U2, 'summer rain'


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Re: Grandmother dying.
« Reply #2 on: June 06, 2007, 12:56:19 PM »
Big hugs. I dread the day I have to make this sort of decision.
When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life. ~ John Lennon


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Re: Grandmother dying.
« Reply #3 on: June 06, 2007, 12:58:43 PM »
(((hugs))) So sorry you're in this position. When my grams died we sort of knew it was coming. There was time for folks to get there if they chose. Some did, some didn't. No one thought badly of them for not getting there.


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Re: Grandmother dying.
« Reply #4 on: June 06, 2007, 01:01:45 PM »
So sorry to hear you are going through with this.  I would say stay with the flight on Friday.  If she hangs on, you will get to say one last goodbye.  You never know how long these things will last.  I understand your desire to be with your family, that is definitely the hardest part - being away from them in times like this.  Keep your schedule open on the other side of the trip, as it may be incredibly helpful to have you there to help sort out arrangements and just act as a support for your parents/aunts/uncles.

I agree that NO ONE will think any less of you for not being there right now.  My sister couldn't fly home when my grandmother passed away, before, during or after, and no one held it against her.  We all understood her circumstances and just tried to call her as much as possible to include her.

My prayers are with you...


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Re: Grandmother dying.
« Reply #5 on: June 06, 2007, 01:18:19 PM »
So sorry Meg, it is difficult to be so far away at a time like this. Stay strong.


Re: Grandmother dying.
« Reply #6 on: June 06, 2007, 01:21:27 PM »
I'm so sorry!  *hugs*


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Re: Grandmother dying.
« Reply #7 on: June 06, 2007, 01:28:32 PM »
((((Meg)))) - I'm really sorry.  I'm sure your family will understand why you are coming on Friday.


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Re: Grandmother dying.
« Reply #8 on: June 06, 2007, 01:31:36 PM »
Hugs Meggles!!

I agree with what Karin said..

Riding the rollercoaster of life without a seat belt!


Re: Grandmother dying.
« Reply #9 on: June 06, 2007, 01:46:48 PM »
I also agree with what Karin has said.

I've been in similar circumstances and had to make a choice between flying home (from one coast to another, US) to see my Grandmother before she passed or flying back for the expected funeral.  I couldn't do both, no one knew how long she would last and I wasn't allowed more than a day or two off from my job at the time.

I chose to fly back to see her.  It was one of the most painful moments of my life, seeing her in the state she was in, in the hospital.  The images haunt my memory of her to this day.  And she was not coherent enough to recognise anyone nor communicate.

Please understand, I'm not saying don't visit your Grandmother.  Your experience may be entirely different. But if you already have plans to fly home this Friday, I'd stick with those.  You will be there soon enough, hon. 

My heart goes out to you, meggles.  I'm so sorry.  Many, many hugs.
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Re: Grandmother dying.
« Reply #10 on: June 06, 2007, 01:49:44 PM »
(((Meg)))

I'm really sorry. I don't know what else to say. I'm just really sorry.
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Re: Grandmother dying.
« Reply #11 on: June 06, 2007, 02:04:37 PM »
Huge hugs Meg!!!


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Re: Grandmother dying.
« Reply #12 on: June 06, 2007, 02:58:00 PM »
So sorry Meggles!

Your grandmother knows you love her. Hugs




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Re: Grandmother dying.
« Reply #13 on: June 06, 2007, 03:36:34 PM »
I'm so sorry.

{{{Big Hugs from Leeds}}}


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Re: Grandmother dying.
« Reply #14 on: June 06, 2007, 03:42:38 PM »
Big hugs to you and your family!
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