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Topic: How do you adapt and adjust?  (Read 21550 times)

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Re: How do you adapt and adjust?
« Reply #45 on: November 21, 2002, 02:19:51 PM »
T Mac, 16 years is a long time to be away and that more than anything probably accounts for being mystified as to the conviences being better in the states versus here. Many of the people - it seems to me - who see the states as being easier to get around are recent transplants, who have not shifted into gear here yet. You obviously have, and are so accustomed and acclimated to how things work here that you don't even notice the difference. I'd be willing to wager, however, that the first year or two you were here you probably weren't as adjusted as you are now.

As well, I've not been home for 3 years and it will most likely be close to 4 or more by the time I get to go home for a visit and I've no doubt that there's been changes to how things are done back home. I know it won't be the same as I left it, and the US of 16 years ago is for sure not the same now. So cut the newbies a little slack, will ya? :)


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Re: How do you adapt and adjust?
« Reply #46 on: November 21, 2002, 03:46:43 PM »
Katy,

hope you feel a little better after reading all these posts!

i probably missed the answer in the long thread, but are you here only while your husband is attending oxford? if so, like some others have said, i would just take advantage of the easy travelling to europe on weekends and holidays.  also, my DH has taken me to quite a few places in the UK so i now know the geography better than some brits.

my adapting and adjusting was not a conscious thing, just a matter of getting on with life.  my whole lifestyle changed along with the country, from hanging out with my friends (who i've known since high school) and my extended family with their weekly dinners, my older sister calling to go out for coffee and my little sister needing help with homework or asking me to help convince dad of something and working 7 days a week, to seeing only hubby's friends, his tiny family and not working.  but i just get on with it.  i do take the train a lot and unfortunately explore a lot of town centres, though. :D

just take things day by day and it should happen without you even realizing it.

*:)
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be.
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Re: How do you adapt and adjust?
« Reply #47 on: November 21, 2002, 03:56:40 PM »
Since someone is genuinely asking about the luxuries/conveniences in the US, let me name a couple that I noted on a recent trip home after a 2.5 year absence.

1. Washers and dryers about twice the size of what you get here. Add to that the beauty of them all being toploaders so that yes, you can put in extra washing after the cycle has started! I think I was more taken with this luxury than any other (but then I spend my life doing laundry for rugrats so we all have our priorities.)

2. Fridges the size of Rhode Island. A beautiful luxury.  I've seen American size fridges here but even they look pretty small compared to some of the latest models that all my mates seem to be sporting.

2. Free parking. From the Hospital to simply going to the high street (aka mall) - all free.(excluding major cities of course) Try being in labour and having to queue up for a parking ticket at the hospital!

4. Ditto free tennis courts. I refuse to pay £4.00 for an hour of tennis. No wonder why they're usually empty on sunny days.

5. Not having to pack your own groceries. I actually got told off when I started doing it out of habit and was told by a spotty kid that it was his job.

6. Curbside recycling. I'm still waiting for it here although I know it exists in other parts.  And no one seems to know what to do with plastic.

7. Wide streets that you can do a U turn in.  And not having to pull over to let someone through the opposite way.

8.The lastest cutting edge technology from computers to anything and only paying a third of the price.

9. The luxury of having everything be CHEAP.

10. And lastly the joy of single taps. No more scalding your kids hands on the hot tap or freezing them on the cold.

Sure I live without all this stuff but it is such a pleasant joy to go home and indulge. But this was just my experiences. I'm sure there are others who can think of far better ones.  
"When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford." - Samuel Johnson


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Re: How do you adapt and adjust?
« Reply #48 on: November 21, 2002, 05:42:23 PM »
Quote
t-mac,

Americans have the highest standard of living/quality of life in the world. I think that's common knowledge.  


Suzanne: er.. no.

USA is not the wealthiest country in the world.  Wealthy, yes, wealthiest, no - assuming that's what you mean by "standard of living".  If not, let me know.

Of course, there is no truly objective way of measuring standards of living, but on the most commonly accepted: GDP per capita at purchasing power parity (PPP), USA is behind countries like Switzerland, Luxembourg and Norway, and roughly on a par with France.  I can't comment on whether it is "generally accepted" or "common knowledge", but if it is, it's false.

There are, of course other ways to measure standards of living, for example, those that take into account the extent of poverty in addition to average income.  In that case, most Northern European countries, especially Germany and the Nordic countries, rank well above the US.

Also, from your "/" mark you appear to conflate standard of living and quality of life.  You will doubtless have seen posts on this site where individuals state they do not rank "quality of life" in the US as being particularly high.

Indeed, let's remember that measures of "standards of living" only take account of economic transactions on where an exchange of money takes place.  This is notoriously inaccurate and dependent on lifestyle choices.  For example, if somebody chooses to be a "homemaker" and dependent on their partner's income their services, which have economic value, are not recorded in national statistics, whilst if they choose to PAY someone to do the same work, eg cleaning, looking after kids, those services ARE recorded.

Also, leisure time eg vacations, which have economic value (which could in principle be measured in terms of foregone income) are not recorded in economic statistics, whereas if that person does not take vacation and earns more as a result, the amount IS recorded.  So national statistics such as this take no account of legitimate lifestyle choices.

Presumably, by remarking that your country has the highest "quality of life" in the world, you are assuming this is some kind of objective fact which anybody, once presented with the evidence would agree with.  Leaving aside the fact that such statements have been disproven by posters on this site, you would expect all residents of other countries to prefer living where the quality of life is objectively "better".  Well, I know of too many British people who have lived in the US for some time and missed the little "luxuries" to which they have become accustomed and had considered themselves previously "spoilt".

I've seen how in other threads you bemoan the British media for being Anti-US.  Whilst I don't deny there is a lot of misinformation and ignorance in the media and the common person in the street about foreign countries, I can't help feeling it's partly down the fact that you're struggling to come to terms with the fact that other people with different upbringings don't have quite such a high opinion of your country as you do.
« Last Edit: November 21, 2002, 09:37:12 PM by mountaintroll »


Re: How do you adapt and adjust?
« Reply #49 on: November 21, 2002, 08:14:52 PM »
Was'nt gonna chime in on this because sometimes responses are misinterpreted but ......hey why not! :o

To begin with I think the U.K is a great place to live,(at least the places I've lived in anyway). Most Brits live no differently than than most Americans do in America. Standard of living? Well, I think thats a judgement call ,depending on what you refer to as "luxuries". I find the U.K way of life to be a lot mellower than the faster paced way of life in the U.S.,they seem to put a bigger emphasis on socializing and less on material things than we Americans do. I also think that may have more to do with their pay structure than anything else but thats a topic for another thread. I've lived and worked in both countries and never felt I had to do without because of where I was at the time. Are things DIFFERENT ? absolutely. I've met Americans living there who could never adjust and always pined for home, no matter what their standard of living was but they cope. The Americans that I always avoided were those that would sit and bash America in hopes of being accepted ( y'know the ones with the " I've lived here for 6 months and don't ya just love my new British accent? ::)....usually somewhere between Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins and Brad Pitt in the Devils Advocate!), but hey.....to each his own. Living there is just just a different way of life, no better /no worse ....but it can be an adventure .....just depends on what you want and expect out of life...for those who have'nt done it yet, go for it, enjoy it and make the most of it, you only get so many adventures in a lifetime! ;)


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Re: How do you adapt and adjust?
« Reply #50 on: November 21, 2002, 09:49:18 PM »
LOL to the Dick Van Dyke comment!!! I haven't seen Brad Pitt in Devil's Advocate but is he as horrendous as Madonna's put upon accent?
"When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford." - Samuel Johnson


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Re: How do you adapt and adjust?
« Reply #51 on: November 21, 2002, 10:11:00 PM »
It was Devil's Own, not Devil's Advocate - he starred in it with Harrison Ford. His accent wasn't so bad - a little heavy on the 'Aye' but there've been worse. Julia Roberts in Michael Collins comes to mind...(Course she was attempting a southern accent and he was trying a Belfast one, very different accents.)
« Last Edit: November 21, 2002, 10:11:26 PM by MaBear »


Re: How do you adapt and adjust?
« Reply #52 on: November 21, 2002, 10:16:16 PM »
ooooh,  Gwyneth Paltrow's fruity 1940's accent drives me CRAZY!

:)


Re: How do you adapt and adjust?
« Reply #53 on: November 21, 2002, 10:30:19 PM »
Quote
Since someone is genuinely asking about the luxuries/conveniences in the US, let me name a couple that I noted on a recent trip home after a 2.5 year absence.

1. Washers and dryers about twice the size of what you get here. Add to that the beauty of them all being toploaders so that yes, you can put in extra washing after the cycle has started! I think I was more taken with this luxury than any other (but then I spend my life doing laundry for rugrats so we all have our priorities.)

2. Fridges the size of Rhode Island. A beautiful luxury.  I've seen American size fridges here but even they look pretty small compared to some of the latest models that all my mates seem to be sporting.

2. Free parking. From the Hospital to simply going to the high street (aka mall) - all free.(excluding major cities of course) Try being in labour and having to queue up for a parking ticket at the hospital!

4. Ditto free tennis courts. I refuse to pay £4.00 for an hour of tennis. No wonder why they're usually empty on sunny days.

5. Not having to pack your own groceries. I actually got told off when I started doing it out of habit and was told by a spotty kid that it was his job.

6. Curbside recycling. I'm still waiting for it here although I know it exists in other parts.  And no one seems to know what to do with plastic.

7. Wide streets that you can do a U turn in.  And not having to pull over to let someone through the opposite way.

8.The lastest cutting edge technology from computers to anything and only paying a third of the price.

9. The luxury of having everything be CHEAP.

10. And lastly the joy of single taps. No more scalding your kids hands on the hot tap or freezing them on the cold.

Sure I live without all this stuff but it is such a pleasant joy to go home and indulge. But this was just my experiences. I'm sure there are others who can think of far better ones.  


Hopster, thanks for answering my question.  
I *STILL* disagree with those who are saying the standard of living and quality of life are better in the USA, but if the 'conveniences' and 'luxuries' in Hopster's list is indicative of what you all think makes America 'better', at least I now understand what's important to you.  It's just not the same stuff that's important to me.

Thank you all for an interesting discussion.


Re: How do you adapt and adjust?
« Reply #54 on: November 21, 2002, 11:12:51 PM »
Hopster...my British wife swears by front-loading British made washers! Says ours are crap ;D

And MaBear I stand corrected, it is "The Devils Own" to which I was referring. My dad was born and raised in Lifford and never lost his accent....do'nt know who Brad Pitt had as a speach coach for that movie but it was nothing like I've ever heard before :D


Re: How do you adapt and adjust?
« Reply #55 on: November 21, 2002, 11:19:29 PM »
And Madonna!!!!!!!! ::) thats just downright embarrassing!


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Re: How do you adapt and adjust?
« Reply #56 on: November 22, 2002, 12:35:22 AM »
This has been a very interesting thread to read.  I've been here just 6 weeks, and am in the throes of early adjustment.  Depending on the hour of the day I either really like it, or absolutely hate it in the UK.  Much of my "hating" it here has to do with my extreme dislike of moving house, rather than the country.  If I had moved from one state to another in the US I'd still be hating the entire moving and getting resettled in another house process.  

I REALLY miss Target.  Not that I can't find the same sorts of things at stores here.  I can, I just haven't found ONE store that has all the same stuff as Target.  Same with Home Depot.  We can find the same stuff, but instead of one store, we have two (Homebase and B&Q) that we have to search.  I'm sure that once we figure out which stores carry what things will be much less confusing.

I've managed to adjust to driving on the left-hand side of the road, in a right-hand drive car, without any accidents so far.  One of the roads on the way to Cole's school is so narrow that you have to queue up to get through -- it's quite a dance at 8:50 am, when everyone wants to get through both ways!  I've found that just having a car, and the independence that that brings (we live in a more "country" area, so not the best public transport), has helped my adjustment a lot.  Having my own car and being able to drive myself around has always figured large in my personal "quality of life" scale.  

One thing that has helped me a bit with adjustment so far is getting involved with the London chapter of the volunteer group of which I am a member.  I've made a commitment to do certain things with this group, therefore I HAVE to get out there and just do it!  So, if there is any type of group that interests you, my advice is to join up.  You may feel out of place and self-conscious for a bit, but you do have something to contribute, so get out there!

I know I still have a lot of adjusting to do.  I am trying not to compare things to my life back in the States.  To do so is self-defeating, IMO.  I am here for now, so I must make my life here.  I've already found things that I love here.  The proprietor of our local lives just down the road from us, and has welcomed us warmly into the community.  Cole's school is wonderful and very welcoming.  The other parent's at the school have been very nice in asking how we are settling in.  Our next door neighbors are very welcoming, and have boys just about the same age as Cole, and they are already fast friends.  My DH is settling into his job very well.  I know that I will feel the same in time, and I just have to give it time.  That knowledge didn't help me this afternoon when I was in tears on the A3 after not being able to find the local Sainsbury's, but that passed, as does everything.

Kate, hang in there, and take advantage of the opportunties you have right now.  I think it's hard to move to another county and culture, no matter now superficially similar it is to your own.  Think about it, they speak English in South Africa, but living there 15 years ago when they still had apartheid would have seemed like another world!  Even within the US there are many different cultures.  To be open to change is to grow.  I feel very calm and accepting right now, but I guarantee you that by the end of this weekend I will have swung from one end of the emotional spectrum to the other.   From what I have heard, that's normal.

On another note, we are having our Thanksgiving this weekend with our American friends who live in London.  Yeah turkey!


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Re: How do you adapt and adjust?
« Reply #57 on: November 22, 2002, 07:12:38 AM »
8)  Reading your post Stephanie reminds me of myself 2 years ago,  I went from ecstatic to tears in about five seconds flat!  Good on for you getting in the car and doing it...you will soon realize that sometimes you have to practically go sideways up a hill on these narrow roads..my hub has given up on all the scratches, dents, and lost hubcabs, I do a lot of rural routes.  The Sainsburys I think you were looking for is in Jacobs Well, and a bit far from the A3.  The big Tesco is off the A3 at the univ. surrey/cathedral exit.  People here are nice, I had a very bad week and a British friend who phoned sensed it in my voice and was over in a jif with a cup of tea.  It takes a bit of time, but things do seem bright and more like home.  I miss Target with all my heart and soul.. I go to the website and just sigh.  Been here two years and nope, there is no equal, though I hear good things about ASDA, which is in Farnboro, and I may make a trip out there soon.  I am lucky enough to be going to Chicago to spend Turkey day with my sister and her husband, I will be at the Target asap.  We arrive late Sunday, so I will be in the queue on Monday, I have no doubts.  The Junior League is a good place for you to grow, I am not the joining type, but I think you will be happier once you get involved in it.   Take care, and remember, I am not far from you, should you get in a jam, if you wish to trade numbers let me know, I am probably 15 minutes away.   My boys are bigger, 9, 11, 13, but we have a house full of boy stuff if you would need an American to chat with some day.  Cheers, Maureen- jammie smiley=hug.gif]
Maureen/jammie


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Re: How do you adapt and adjust?
« Reply #58 on: November 22, 2002, 11:17:53 AM »
I went to Target 6 times on my last visit. In fact, my little boy burst into tears when I pulled into the parking lot and said "no more shopping!!" (Had to leave him behind after that).

Celtic, I do feel the front loading machines work better - maybe they can get a faster spin or something. I just hate not being able to add things after you've hit the start button. Maybe I should get myself organised better???
"When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford." - Samuel Johnson


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Re: How do you adapt and adjust?
« Reply #59 on: November 22, 2002, 11:49:44 AM »
Quote


10. And lastly the joy of single taps. No more scalding your kids hands on the hot tap or freezing them on the cold.

 


I about near spat all my tea out when I read that. I'm still trying to get the hang of it, but it's not all that easy.


In response to the Americans that bash America for acceptance. I think I could understand why they'd do that. Don't get me wrong, it's a real crappy thing to do. I personally would never do it. I love my country. But some people just need that feeling of belonging and if going along with the general census helps, then more power to them.


And in response to the quality of life topic. I think my life in America was of a higher standard and higher quality. Sure there were those luxuries like the washer and dryer. (A dryer that actually dries... (insert sigh)) But I'd have to say my life was better there because of my family and friends. To make it clear, I've only been here three weeks, so of course I don't have a truckload of friends yet, but my family, Jon isn't close to his, so we never talk to them. In fact, they don't even know we're back in the country. I'm very close to my family and not having them around has made me very lonely. My darling Jon has been trying, bless his heart.

But with all that said, I'm enjoying England. It's new, it's different, it's all one big fat experience for me.  :D

There are two things in life for which we are never truly prepared:  twins.


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