Engagement ring question

I am a strong proponent of only buying what you can afford.  There is such a culture in the US, and increasingly here, that a ring has to cost a lot and has to be at least a carat.  That's great if you can afford it, but why go into credit card debt for it?   I doubt many people have $10-20K lying around, so why should they be forced into it by the marketing people at de Beers.  

My sister's husband definitely felt the pressure to get something over a carat and he got one with visible flaws in it.  3 little black dots.  To me...I would rather have something smaller and better quality.  But she wanted over a carat.  Now she wishes she was a little more flexible on that point.  

BTW...is the 1-2-3 month salary before tax of after tax  .  If it's before tax, we should all have huge rocks on our hands!

BTW...is the 1-2-3 month salary before tax of after tax  .  If it's before tax, we should all have huge rocks on our hands!

Well and I've often wondered if it's that the poor lad is supposed to be so sick with love that he's not supposed to eat or pay rent, utilities & bills for 1-2 months?

Karin, I agree with the quality over quantity thing, especially when it comes to diamonds.  I really wouldn't want a huge rock with visible flaws.

I agree with the quality over quantity approach. At a jeweler's in the States, my husband and I had to decide whether to get a 1.25 carat ring or an 0.80 carat ring. The lesser ring was much more beautiful, so that's what we went for (they both cost the same, incidentally, so that should tell you about the quallity of the bigger carated ring).
Regardless, both rings cost $4,000 dollars, which my husband had no qualms about paying. It's absolutely beautiful. It sparkles like nothing you've ever seen. It's just a shame I have to wear it around my neck these days.

I went through this question last year myself when I got engaged. My husband (then fiance) and I agreed that the 2-3 months' salary the diamond industry suggests one spend is insane. He actually would've spent 2 months salary if that was the type of ring I really wanted, but I would feel uncomfortable walking around with that much cash on my finger (not to mention we were soon to move to the UK, so that debt would be hanging over *both* of us!).

We decided that $3,500-$4,000 (U.S) was an acceptable price, and I think we spent $3,600 or so on my engagement ring and $200 on the wedding band (I would've been for spending half that much if I were looking for white gold, but I had my heart set on platinum). I spent $500 on his platinum wedding band. My ring has a .60 carat main diamond and two smaller diamonds on either side, and then three more tiny diamonds on each side. It's gorgeous and sparkles like mad. I originally wanted a main diamond just under 1 carat in size, but that really pumped the price up, and I wanted a pretty, clear diamond with no visible flaws. The one I got is just the right size for me, and I do have my carat in a way, as the ring is just over one carat when you total all the diamonds in it.

Basically the cost should be what you can afford, and what you can live with. Get something you'll love and don't pinch pennies too much, as it's an important purchase, but also be wary of thinking that "I'll be wearing this forever so it's worth the price even if it means we'll be broke for years until it's paid off." I personally would feel funny if we had gotten a $10,000 ring -- think of all the things we can do with that $6,000 we saved!

I wish I could get my rings off.  I have gained too much weight so for the minute they are stuck on my finger.

I'm sure you'll find a way to get them off (baby oil? butter?), but how easy/recommended is it to resize them? I'm afraid I'll gain weight (it is my tendency), and I've known other woman who just put their rings in a box rather than take them in to be enlarged. They are afraid the jeweler will steal the stones and switch them for fakes! My grandparents were the same way! It seems highly unlikely to me.

- is that illegal?  my father buys suits every so often in NYC, and he has them shipped to our home address in NJ to avoid the sales tax.  the stores offer to do it. 

No, not illegal at all as long as the company isn't registered in the state that they are sending the goods to. Companies are not required to collect state sales tax if they ship to an address in a state where they are not registered. Now if the store has a branch in NJ or is incorporated there, they need to collect NJ sales tax, but if they don't you can have it shipped tax free.

Now if by 'to us' Elynor means that they were looking to have the ring shipped to the UK, then  they should be declaring it and paying customs charges--not doing that would be illegal.

My sister's husband definitely felt the pressure to get something over a carat and he got one with visible flaws in it.  3 little black dots.  To me...I would rather have something smaller and better quality.

My little .28 carat stone does have a single visible flaw. But it's color grade D, and that was more important to me. I think it was under $1000, and even that was a stretch at the time. I still love my rings, though!

You shouldn't need the ring replated (unless it has rhodium plating, which doesn't make it white per se, just really shiny), probably just buffed out and polished.  White gold is an alloy of regular gold and mixed with silver or palladium (part of the platinum family).  Just take it to a jeweler and asked to have it buffed and polished to restore its beauty.    It will also get rid of most of the scratches from wear and tear. 

I think it was rhodium plated--apparently most white gold is. The real issue is that there's a noticeable (to me) color difference between the two rings, which I'm hoping that replating with rhodium would solve. One of these days (years?) I want to get a new setting for my solitaire, because the band styles are a bit different and it bugs my perfectionistic soul. In the meantime, replating should be cheaper...

I'd try the buffing first and see how that goes.  Then do the replating if it needs.  I am always for the cheaper alternative first.  Most jewelers will buff and polish for free or a very minimal fee. 

No, not illegal at all as long as the company isn't registered in the state that they are sending the goods to. Companies are not required to collect state sales tax if they ship to an address in a state where they are not registered. Now if the store has a branch in NJ or is incorporated there, they need to collect NJ sales tax, but if they don't you can have it shipped tax free.

Well, he wanted to buy the ring in California, have it shipped to us in New York, then have us ship it back to him in California.

As I understand it, the company is not legally obligated to charge sales tax if the item is being shipped to a state in which they don't have a physical presence. However, the purchaser is supposed to pay the appropriate tax to the state in which they live. Some states are starting to crack down on this.

Well, he wanted to buy the ring in California, have it shipped to us in New York, then have us ship it back to him in California.

As I understand it, the company is not legally obligated to charge sales tax if the item is being shipped to a state in which they don't have a physical presence. However, the purchaser is supposed to pay the appropriate tax to the state in which they live. Some states are starting to crack down on this.

Yeah, that's definitely true. It's definitely dodgy.

The whole quality and color grade issue is another thing. Can anyone elaborate what's the best of each? Is A the best color grade and it goes down as you move down the alphabet? Then there's the whole 'VVS2' and 'S13' etc....what the heck does that mean??

I'm definitely a quality over quantity person. My friend's is TWO carats!!! When she would come to see me in the city she'd turn it around on her hand so people wouldn't get any ideas about stealing it. Who wants to wear something like that??

Is A the best color grade and it goes down as you move down the alphabet? Then there's the whole 'VVS2' and 'S13' etc....what the heck does that mean??

I forget the color grading system, but I'm sure someone on here can tell you!  The 'whole 'VVS2' and 'S13' etc is about the clarity of the diamond -- how flawless or flawed it is, its inclusions, etc.  Here ya go:

http://www.diamondinfo.org/diamond-clarity.html

Thanks Carolyn! That's excellent!

Two of you have spouses with engagement rings? I've never heard of that. Is that common? I don't think I have any guy friends who have engagement rings.

My husband and I have matching engagement and wedding bands.  Definitely not common, but we wanted something that was equal.

The engagement rings are blue topaz bezel set in titanium (I don't really like diamonds), and the wedding rings are brushed titanium.  Unisex, not too expensive, but nice.  They also don't catch on anything, which is a bonus because I'm pretty clumsy.