Torn - the US half is very unsure about repatriating

There are many facts to our situation inlcuding:

I am american, have lived here for over 2yrs, married for about 1yr
Dh is british, made redundant from a fab job back in April, contract consulting since (full time)
I just got my career going (pilates) and will be really busy this fall with teaching (very happy!)
DH is traveling and staying away for these consulting jobs, has had no other job prospects and isn't happy working and is unsure of his career future

So, Dh applied for a job in the US and is there now (today!) interviewing with them. They are going to offer him the job and I am very happy for him. Is is Sod's law that I would be the one pointing out the obvious hurdles we face? One being very selfish - that I am going to have to start over again (I already started over moving here)

This new place in the US - nowhere near family, very hot climate (Texas), friendly people

Our house here is up for sale (I am very very sad b/c I love this house) and we have only lived here for 9 mts! We are taking a big hit selling it and that is also dismaying. BUT we have a nice chunk of cash we are using to move that is saved from DH's redundancy, which is great.

I know it's up to us ultimately. I have expressed my feelings to DH, so he knows. I can't help but feel like this is a great opportunity, just horrible timing. That, or, I will just have to sacrifice again for DH and know that I will get my chance (I hope) for him to do the same for me one day. Oh the joys of choices 

This is the same bloke who b*tches about how you need 8 hours of sleep a night, about how little money you earn and gives you endless excuses why not to start a family, right? 

My other half knows that if he wants to move to the US, it's on his own, because we're not going, and thankfully, he never wanted to or wants to move there, or I wouldn't have married him.

Marriage is a partnership, but when one half wants something that's giong to make the other one truly miserable, well, that's taking the mick - not really a compromise.

I'm from Texas myself.  Haven't lived there in 15 years because if it were anywhere outside Austin I'd just as soon live in hell.

Best of luck to you, you're giong to need it.

I dread the day that we return to the US. But DH said this weekend that I had until 2011. That's not even 5 years. but to be fair, he says that I have had my chance for a change. He complains all the time because we live in the same estate he grew up in. But that's what I love so much. The family, the sense of belonging...I want that for our child. my family isn't close...and they live in South Carolina. I wouldn't be comfortable there. The worst part...sometimes in my low moments...it makes me feel that he only married for my US citizenship. I know it isn't true, but since when has logic ever applied in the valleys of life. So I feel you.

What part of Texas? I lived for about 10 years in Houston, 3 in a god forsaken small town called Bedias and 1 in College Station.

Well, on a completely different tack, I think what you are going thru is completely normal. If I recall correctly anyway, you wanted to go back but had just got your head around the fact that is was going to be a few years. Now all of a sudden your DH has a great opportunity so this idea of waiting and enjoying the UK has gone right out the window.

I went thru a similar thing over here. I had come over to the UK to do a degree. I never had plans to stay long-term and I had no problems adjusting to life my first 2 years here. However, once I was living with my then DF and knew I was here for the foreseeable future, I freaked out and got really homesick. Now I've been here 7 years this month and we are highly likely to end up in the US next year. And I have very mixed feelings about that.

And FWIW, I certainly respect Expat and Terri's thoughts on Texas - I've never had any desire to live there myself - but there are a helluva lot of people who absolutely love it. You'll have to make up your own mind on that score.

I guess the real question is do you REALLY feel you are sacrificing for your DH (again?) or are you just thrown by the suddenness of what has happened and the fear that only comes naturally with any big change?

Is it uprooting that's bothering you? Or uprooting to Texas? If you were going to be moving somewhere closer to your friends and family, would that be OK? I'm just trying to clarify. Perhaps, if your DH really wants to try living in the US, he could start applying for jobs in a more desireable area (from your perspective).

I think it's just uprooting again that's bothering me. I am happy to support him in his career and he has a job that's fairly hard to find in the US, at least to the detail that this job fits him. The big change, knowing what it's going to be like adjusting to another new area, new people etc... Knowing that we will be financially constrained with the house not yet sold here.

The texas thing doesn't really bother me, I know very little about living there, other than it's a nice hot climate and a few other stereotypes that I don't know yet prove to be true. I also don't fancy the idea of starting a family without any family or friends nearby to help (even though they will fly in and stay with us to help at the start, etc...)

I think it's mostly that I am comfortable here, it's more the devil you know than the devil you don't if you know what I mean. I just got used to life here and what to expect.

DH was very surprised to think I was doubting this opportunity to move back to the US. And then he was shocked to think I wouldn't be happy about it. I was happy about it, then reality hit - all we have to do to make it happen and the sacrifices that come with it. I just got my family to consider visiting - my parents applied for their passports! This is a big deal and now they won't use them! I just don't see much of an alternative. There's this feeling he gives me that if we don't do it now, this way, that there won't be as good a chance in the future.

I think, to a certain degree, your DH's naivety about a big move like this is understandable. When a really good opportunity career-wise comes along, it can be hard to see all the other associated issues. Especially if he thought you wanted to go back to the US quite badly anyway.

My DH is quite excited about moving to the US but he'll have great career opportunities, too (well, we hope!). I, on the other hand, am 99% certain that I will have a harder time adjusting than he will. Certainly at first. And now, he has a good chance of getting a job near my family. But there's also job opportunities much further away from them - including Texas!! And I'm much less thrilled about that!

Do you have ILR yet? If not, that's going to make it harder to move back if it turns out that's what you want. Just something else to think about. 

If she was hear for a year as a student and a year as a spouse, she won't be eligible for ILR yet.

good point britwife- I just have my first spousal visa, not the ILR, that's another year away  

Balmerhon - where in texas? if we go - it will be dallas, but we'll pick a suburb either north or west to reside.

I am definitely torn, maybe it's the idea of leaving that makes me sad and knowing what lies ahead. I have been positive about it too (as seen on other threads). I know I will adjust and make do.

Several of you have posted that Texas has a very negative connotation about living there - can you share why? I realise my experience may be different than others, but I still would like to go in with my eyes wide open.

As an aside - expat in scotland - you are right this is the same guy    and those issues have been resolved (mostly anyway). Good memory!

Texas just didn't suit me in a lot of ways.  The people are very friendly and kind in general, but for me it was the whole religious right thing and havthat made it a no-go for the long-term, Austin excepted.

Just my 2p.

That definitely sounds like a huge change.  Uprooting everything and changing can be really hard, especially if things were just getting settled here (like having a house, your job, etc).  I really hope you find a way to settle in Texas when/if he takes the opportunity.  Good luck!    *hugs*

Maybe you need to take an evening and just devote it to discussing this. It may seem like a simple decision for him, but he's probably not considering all the variables that play a part in a move like that.

If I were you, I'd tell him you want to talk about it and ask him to make a list if need be regarding what positives and negatives he expects to encounter during the move. You do the same, and then just sit down and talk them through.

It may not seem right for you at the moment, but maybe after you've really bashed out all the possiblities together you'll seem a little more hopeful. If not, then he needs to take your feelings into account. Sometimes, the dream job doesn't come at an affordable price. It is just something that you guys will have to decide on TOGETHER!!

Best of luck with the whole situation.

Texas just didn't suit me in a lot of ways.  The people are very friendly and kind in general, but for me it was the whole religious right thing and havthat made it a no-go for the long-term, Austin excepted.

That's pretty much my take on Texas, too. However, I've never lived there - though I grew up in Louisiana about 30 minutes from the Texas border, so not much different. A lot of people really love it there, though, so you can't really take anyone else's word for it. Like anywhere, you have to try it out for yourself and see how it fits.

Balmerhon - where in texas? if we go - it will be dallas, but we'll pick a suburb either north or west to reside.

It's probably a long-shot for us, but I think it would put us in Austin. I knew several women from Dallas and they loved it. As Chary says, you just have to try it out yourself. You can always move again!!