Is anyone's spouse worried about U.S. travel?

This might sound strange, but bear with me. When I first met my husband-to-be, he told me he'd had a recurring dream for as long as he could remember of watching a plane dive from the sky and crash on the ground. In his dream, he'd run away terrified. Since 9/11, that dream has changed to his being ON the plane.

Last year, I assured him that it was just the imagery of the WTC that had changed the nature of his dream, and that he shouldn't be afraid, because American citizens and airlines were the basic targets of terrorists. Now that the UK's been threatened, he's going to update his will before we go there for Christmas, is trying to figure out the least-threatening time to fly there, etc. (Last year we flew in on Christmas Eve, and he was only mildly cautious.)

I can understand his fear (although I've pointed out that Americans are the main target, and we're aware of it every day), and I've told him that if he's that worried, I'll just go for a couple of days, without him (there's no way I won't see my parents--they're on the last stretch of their lives). In addition, I have a U.S. passport with my maiden name of it (I didn't change it). When it comes down to it, an American would be a target long before a Brit would, and because we have different last names (and accents, for that matter) no hijacker/terrorist, etc., would even know we were married.

Has anyone else's British spouse freaked out about going to the States lately, and if so, how have you handled it? I refuse to be afraid to go home.

Suzanne

I hesitate becoming an armchair psychologist on this...but I do have one opinion, and as you know I like to share them.  

I suspect your husband has a general fear of flying, just that the latest events only help to encourage it. Phobias seem to be cured nowadays by people actually doing what they fear the most. However, I don't feel you should just drag your husband on a flight, best intentions or not. But if it's debilitating, perhaps gentle encouragement from someone trained in the field would help, instead of leaving him at home. It's telling that he is willing to let you fly, but not himself. No, no, I don't mean that he doesn't want you around anymore, but this does seem a validation that he fears flying, rather than just the fact the plane may be attacked.

So, in other words, you telling him about the Brit/American thing may be going in one ear and out the other.

I have a slight insight into this because my ex has a fear of flying. A manly man, a cop of 30 years, volunteers for SWAT duty and has pulled rotting corpses from lakes, and he's afraid to get on a plane. This latest terrorist stuff? You can barely get him near an airport now.

I agree that we can't let terrorism run our lives.

(I saw, but never noticed before, on "Sleepless in Seattle" on TV the other night, two instances when the phrase "more chances of being killed by a terrorist than ..." I forgot the exact rest, something about meeting the woman of your dreams. Anyway, with this terrorist stuff, they're now saying things like "more chances of being killed in a car than being killed by a terrorist". Statistics. You can always play with them to make things sound better/worse.)

Speaking of movie parallels, recall the scene between Meg Ryan (oooh, a coincidence!) and Kevin Klein in French Kiss when she's afraid of going up on the plane. Heck, just pick a fight during takeoff!

This reminds me of me!

    Two weeks after 911 my husband and I flew to Amsterdam on the first leg of a European vacation.  I was, as you may guess a little paranoid.  But each flight went off without a catch.  

    I can understand your spouse's fear.  It is not without logic.  

    However, as much as we may put down society's current paranoia it has to be said that no one can predict when terrorism is going to strike.  That is the evil cowardice behind it.  Evil is rooted in laziness and fear and terrorists know this.  The old cliche' that if we alter our plans terrorism has won is unfortunately correct.  I flly a lot.  I pray that I will never be the target of terrorism but living in the year 2002 anything is possible as long as there are people who want to play this cowardly game.  

    Do we live or do we hide?

    I say roll the dice....take a chance....live your life.  Good luck.  

David has been quite concerned about flying...and our trip in Feb will be the first one back to the states in over two years.  (And believe me, that took some negotiating).  While he has agreed to fly over with me...he still won't do flights within the US...only direct flights to and from England.  Still, it's a start.
wench