Coping strategies for public transport

Hi all,

I may be putting this in the wrong place so if I am please feel free to move it.

One of the things I'm most thankful in living in the UK is public transport.  We no longer have to worry about the cost and upkeep of a car or the insurance.  In fact, I used to rant and rave about how great it would be to have this kind of public transport at our service and how much I hated driving.

Now that I'm almost two years into it, I find that the shock of dealing with the "public" on public transport isn't getting any easier.

I rode the bus in Baltimore (and it was a nightmare really in all ways) - I've ridden the bus in NYC (which was a complete surprise and really nice) - but here I simply wasn't prepared for not only the iPOD / mobile phone phenomena - ie, people cranking their music up so loud that everyone on the bus could hear it, but also for the drunken yobs.  I would think that my anger and surprise would subside after all this time - but I find I'm never quite prepared to run into drunken jerk people (and in this part of the country it's most often - unfortunately - young people) who jump and scream and throw bottles and generally make riding the bus / train very uncomfortable.

I've had at least two very bad experiences (one on the bus and one on the train) and have yet to learn to cope.  I read to try to focus my attention away from everything around me - I've written to the local bus group (who keeps getting voted the best in Scotland) - I've worked on breathing exerices (since I think I have developed almost a phobia about people who plop down in the seat next to you and therefore actually sit down on your lap) - I even get up and move to a different area in the bus /train or at the most extreme, I've gotten off the bus and caught another one!

My sister doesn't seem to let most of this bother here - so I think it might just be me

I'm still very thankful for having public transport - it helps when you work in the city centre and the bus is super cheap (I wish the train were!)  - but now we're studying for a license so we can drive - a situation I didn't think I'd find myself in again.

My sister doesn't seem to let most of this bother here - so I think it might just be me

It's entirely possible that it just might be 'you', as i don't know anyone else who thinks that they need a 'coping strategy' to ride the bus... well, i know one other person who does, but it's because she has very bad sinus problems and frequently chokes on her snot, which causes her to vomit.   She's terrified it will happen while she's on the bus and she will boak over someone!

But... why don't you just use an iPod as well.. this way you wont hear the music or ranting of others?  It's the only advice i can offer, im afraid... there are weirdos everywhere and if you use public transport, you're bound to run into a fair few of them! 

Back when I used public transport in D.C., I found the best coping strategy was to *always* have a music device and it doesn't hurt to have something to read, too, even though the general daytime hours commute weren't bad -- no drunks, only a rare freaky-acting person. Even if you don't feel like listening to music, you have it "just in case" you have to block out someone obnoxious or someone odd sits next to you and you want to have a legitimate reason to slip into your own world. Having the book helps with that too. The downside is you can get so caught up in blocking out the rest of the world that you miss your stop, so be careful! Sounds like you have a much worse situation than any that I had, but I did once or twice change seats or get off the train and get into another car (on weekends and evenings when the crowd was a bit different)!

hmm, i don't know if it's just you.  there's another thread on angst and public transportation, http://talk.uk-yankee.com/index.php?topic=38016.0.  are you getting anxious when all this is going on around you?  (i'm an anxious person by nature with a tendency to claustrophobia, so long distance bus riding can be a bit of a bear for me.  loud, drunk kids on seemingly every journey would do my head in.  thank you stagecoach x5 for not being like this.)  anyhoo, i always carry an ipod and set it to a relaxing meditation podcast or put on soothing music.  this always helps calm my nerves.  good luck.      

Thanks for the replies - it does make me ponder  - to think I may be the only person I know with a public transport phobia!  I ask this of a lot of people I work with and are friends with here in Edinburgh - and I usually get a string of expletives about the buses here - but I'm always trying to come up with ideas that will help me, particularly if I actually do have a phobia.

But especially thanks for directing me to that other post - that is a relief to (if I can say that) know that other people have these same kinds of thought.  I think because I've had two very bad things happen (one involving a young punk who couldn't keep his filthy mouth shut about me and my sister and the other involving a drunk guy who was so drunk he thought it was okay to put his hands on me where they didn't belong because I asked him to move out of the ailse)

As for having a music device of my own - well a) I'd like to save the money I'd spend on one for a holiday and b) if I complain about people who wear them and play them too loudly on the bus / train, then I'd be quite a hypocrite to wear one myself.  I think when I said my sister doesn't seem to have a problem - what I meant is that she doesn't let folks like that bother her - ie, she has found a way to let the issue go - rather than she isn't bothered by these kinds of people.  But she uses her cd player! haha  I may have to actually give in to that eventually.

I think it might be an issue I have with others infringing on the rights of those of us who don't want to hear their music, put up with their drunkeness, their rudness, their swearing and screaming at other riders.  There are plenty of riders out there who wear ipods or play their music through their mobile phones that don't make it so loud that folks on the bus can hear it.

Of course, it could be that I just wanted to make sure I wasn't the only person finding these things uncomfortable.

I have to say, the bus was so quiet and enjoyable the other night from work that I actually did miss my stop because I was reading my novel

Cheers

Thanks for the replies - it does make me ponder  - to think I may be the only person I know with a public transport phobia! 

I don't have a phobia, but when I take public transport I have a few coping mechanisms. I learned a few when I was in Africa and had to deal with goats and chickens nipping at my feet and mamas touching my hair and kids trying to touch my skin and people staring, car sickness and foul smells and long dusty bumpy journeys on roads with more potholes than road... Deep breaths are good, window seats near the door for the air and to avoid getting bashed in the head by handbags and packages, looking out the window, closing your eyes and imagining you are not there, iPod etc.

I just look out the window, read or listen to my ipod.  A music device doesn't have to be loud and annoying.  If you get the inner ear earphones someone next to you can't hear it even if you have it cranked all the way up.

On the train, if it's really bad at least you have the option of moving to another carriage.  On the bus ... look out of the window and keep looking ...

It's not just you, I hate riding the bus here for the same reasons you stated.  I always have my ipod so I can just tune out everyone around me and I always look out the window!

I find the bus here really calming and nice, but then I'm in the country so I don't encounter any of the stuff you've described. I did take the bus to work in a city in the US, though, and it wasn't always a pleasant experience (to say the least). I used to bring a good book and just get completely lost, blocking out everything around me. It wasn't always possible, but it usually worked.

As others have said, that's the nature of public transport. You're going to be sitting next to ... "the public"! You either have to learn to deal with it somehow, or come up with a new transport plan. 

The bus where I live isnt really that bad.  I'm not necessarily in a huge city but certainly not in the country either. I have an MP3 player and i listen to the radio and my music in the morning and afternoon.  I think the drivers here have better control over those riding the bus as ive heard people get yelled at for having their earphones to loud and get kicked off for throwing stuff.  Rarely, I see someone in the back of the bus with a can of lager.. but usually they're very descrete and doesn't bother me in the slightest as long as they keep to themselves.

I'd suggest getting some music as well.... it puts me in my own little world and Im not really bothered about whats going on around me

I don't use an iPod because I don't really want to listen to music in the morning - which is why I get so tense when I have to spend an hour on the train listening to someone else's choice of music.     So, sticking my own earphones in isn't an option.  And, quite frankly, I shouldn't have to.  The "default" should be that I can't hear other people's music.  It's public transport - not their bedroom or lounge or kitchen or personal disco. 

That said - I have learned for the most part to tune things out.  Some days it gets to me more than others - and some days just certain things get to me more than others.  I do a lot of staring out the window and counting to ten - twenty - thirty....

As for having a music device of my own - well a) I'd like to save the money I'd spend on one for a holiday and b) if I complain about people who wear them and play them too loudly on the bus / train, then I'd be quite a hypocrite to wear one myself.  I think when I said my sister doesn't seem to have a problem - what I meant is that she doesn't let folks like that bother her - ie, she has found a way to let the issue go - rather than she isn't bothered by these kinds of people.  But she uses her cd player! haha  I may have to actually give in to that eventually.

Honestly, you can play music without it being loud enough for others to hear, and it can still help you block out others. A decent set of bud earphones should do the trick.

And it doesn't have to cost enough to infringe on holiday plans, either. Argos has a 256 mb MP3 player for £9.99, and it even has an SD slot to add more space! It's already got twice the space as my ipod shuffle (which I never fill up). It's at http://www.argos.co.uk/static/Product/partNumber/5129405/Trail/searchtext%3EMP3.htm.
You can get a portable CD player for as low as £5.97 http://www.argos.co.uk/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/Search?pp=20&s=Price%3A+Low+-+High&x=702&y=39&storeId=10001&catalogId=1500000701&langId=-1&q=CD+PLAYER&c_1=1%7Ccat_8963411%7CPersonal+audio%7C8963478.

It's true that people shouldn't be inconsiderate in the first place for you to have to block them out, but you can't change the world. What you can change is how stressed you let it make you feel and how you deal with it (as in by using music to block it out and help you focus on something else). I gave my husband a little MP3 player for Christmas just before we moved here (it was a kind that worked with the Yahoo music account he had that lets him download all the songs he wants that he can play as long as he's a member -- his other MP3 player died and so he hadn't been able to use the account which was paid up for a year). Anyhow, when we first moved here he had to take the train to and from work before we got our permanent apartment, which is walking distance to his work. He said the MP3 player changed his life. Meaning it made such a difference to him while riding on that packed train to have the music, it helped him through.

OK, I'll get off the music train now, thought I'd just let you know that it might help you, too.

I ask this of a lot of people I work with and are friends with here in Edinburgh

the other involving a drunk guy who was so drunk he thought it was okay to put his hands on me where they didn't belong because I asked him to move out of the ailse)

Oh crikey...i didn't realise it was Edinburgh!  (And, yes, public transport sucks in this city!)

Slighly off topic...We went out on Saturday night to watch the rugby in the pub.  I only had a few drinks but it seemed to hit me and I got squiffy...anyway...on the way home on the bus I (apparently) stood up and went to the guy in front of me who was sleeping and started to rub his face!!!! DH was appalled and I have no memory of it and can't for the life of me think why I would do this and am completely mortified.

So, if you were on my bus and witnessed my public display of drunken disgraceful behaviour...I apologise! 

My strategy to cope with public transport is to avoid it at all costs!

On the one hand I sympathise with your problem, anyone who rides a bus or train deserves to complete their journey unmolested but on the other I think you need to toughen up a bit.

Could it be that people pick up on the vibe that you are easily bothered and then proceed to bother you?

You need to master a ‘subway’ face – one that says ‘don’t f--k with me’ while simultaneously registers no emotion. It takes practise.

It seems like you’ve already mastered other techniques such as changing seats, which in my opinion, makes it worse in certain situations or getting off the bus and catching another – why do you consider this ‘most extreme’? I’ve done it a couple of times. For me it’s much better to make a move and take myself out of a situation where I’m getting aggravated then to sit and stew.

I think you need to take a look at why you get so upset. Loud music and people are annoying but what is the point of getting so worked up over it?  Sometimes plopping down in a seat is unavoidable – even for the sober. People verbally abusing or touching you is another story.

You can also look at it this way…would you rather deal with a drunk person on a bus or train or one behind the wheel of a car – and potentially heading your way?