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Topic: grandfather dying  (Read 5419 times)

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grandfather dying
« on: October 29, 2007, 01:09:57 PM »
I am flying to the States tomorrow to visit my family for a week and a half (it has been planned for many months) and I just found out a couple days ago that my grandfather is dying. He lives in a VA hospital and lately has been refusing to eat. The hospital staff are saying that since he signed a form saying he doesn't want a feeding tube, they will not have it done. I find it odd that my grandfather was given the ability to make such an important decision considering that he is not of sound mind (he has dementia and is schizophrenic, with PTSD from his involvement in WWII). My dad told me last night that my grandfather might die while I am there. I feel a bit overwhelmed by it. It also saddens me that I can't talk to my sister about it  because she has not spoken to me for six months.


Re: grandfather dying
« Reply #1 on: October 29, 2007, 01:24:50 PM »
I am very sorry to hear this.  I'm around most of this afternoon if you need to talk to someone.  That's all very sad.   :\\\'(


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Re: grandfather dying
« Reply #2 on: October 29, 2007, 01:30:37 PM »
Thanks for being there to chat, persephone. I appreciate it.


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Re: grandfather dying
« Reply #3 on: October 29, 2007, 01:33:24 PM »
oh, I am really sorry to hear about this situation.  you and your family will be in my thoughts over the coming days.
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Re: grandfather dying
« Reply #4 on: October 29, 2007, 02:30:49 PM »
I'm really sorry to hear that. Are you glad you'll be able to see him while you're visiting or would you rather not be there?

*hugs*
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Re: grandfather dying
« Reply #5 on: October 29, 2007, 02:35:10 PM »
Sorry to hear that... I hope you have a safe trip home and you know im here if you need a chat.  :)


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Re: grandfather dying
« Reply #6 on: October 29, 2007, 02:44:27 PM »
I'm really sorry to hear that. Are you glad you'll be able to see him while you're visiting or would you rather not be there?

*hugs*

I suppose there are pros and cons. I'd like to see him before he dies, but I would rather not be around for the funeral. Ideally, the legal issue would be sorted and he won't die, but who knows. I am not keen on funerals, I feel like my grieving is a personal thing and it can be overwhelming when around so many people that are reacting to the death in different ways.

Thanks so much Chrissy. *hugs* You are a lovely friend.

Thank you springhaze for your kind words.


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Re: grandfather dying
« Reply #7 on: October 29, 2007, 02:45:35 PM »
So sorry to hear this. I hope seeing him brings you some peace of mind.


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Re: grandfather dying
« Reply #8 on: October 29, 2007, 04:41:17 PM »
Thanks very much, britwife.


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Re: grandfather dying
« Reply #9 on: October 29, 2007, 05:42:53 PM »
I'm really sorry, zingyscholar.  Why do poopy things happen to the nicest people? :(
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in...

- from Anthem, by Leonard Cohen (b 1934)


Re: grandfather dying
« Reply #10 on: October 29, 2007, 06:04:25 PM »
I'm so sorry!  I just lost both my Grandparents and it's just so hard.

He lives in a VA hospital and lately has been refusing to eat. The hospital staff are saying that since he signed a form saying he doesn't want a feeding tube, they will not have it done. I find it odd that my grandfather was given the ability to make such an important decision considering that he is not of sound mind (he has dementia and is schizophrenic, with PTSD from his involvement in WWII).

My mother was the person who made decisions for my grandparents
(I forget what she called it)  Seems your grandfather should have the same.

Huge hugs.


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Re: grandfather dying
« Reply #11 on: October 29, 2007, 10:23:43 PM »
I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather. My father was the health care proxy for my grandmother and step-grandfather. My grandfather was suffering from dementia at the end too. It's so hard. You're in my thoughts.


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Re: grandfather dying
« Reply #12 on: October 30, 2007, 01:15:33 AM »
I'm not sure what to say. I'm just really sorry that you and your family are having to go through this.

It makes me sad when I see siblings...especially sisters fighting/not talking to one another. Try your best too patch things up...hopefully you guys can be eachothers help through this...try too reach out?

Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine.


Re: grandfather dying
« Reply #13 on: October 30, 2007, 07:28:37 AM »
So sorry to hear your very sad story, Zingy. It's very difficult especially when we're so far away. Have a safe journey  :\\\'(


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Re: grandfather dying
« Reply #14 on: October 30, 2007, 08:10:17 AM »
Zingy,

You have my empathy. My mother died a little over a month ago, and she also had Alzheimer's, although not in the final stages. Perhaps your grandfather got a "living will" before he developed dementia, and that's how he has the power to turn down food. My mother got one years ago that said no extreme measures were to be taken to preserve her life. Regardless, try to make up with your sister while you're there. It's odd how losing someone can change things. My father and I didn't speak for well over a year before my mom died, but we're now on friendly terms (well, as friendly as they'll ever be). Anyway, I'm so sorry to hear about your grandfather. I'm grieving myself, so if you'd like an understanding ear, please send me a PM.

Take care.

Suzanne


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