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Topic: The 3-months depression?  (Read 4518 times)

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Re: The 3-months depression?
« Reply #15 on: July 31, 2002, 06:09:05 PM »
I'm glad to hear you've made some friends!  Wish I could say the same.    

Aww honey  :-[. One more comment like that young lady and I'm hauling you know what down there and we are going for a long extended pasta and martini lunch !!!!!!!
(Just let me warn Tim about his quality day alone with our brood first  [smiley=devilish.gif])

Buck up little camper ... you know we love you  [smiley=heart.gif]
You're a daisy if you do........

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Re: The 3-months depression?
« Reply #16 on: August 02, 2002, 01:44:49 AM »
Hi - Completely new to this site!  However, I spent the better part of the first 6 months in tears.  I'm from New York and lost a friend on Sept. 11, so it was difficult to know what was causing it.  I also moved here for a guy (feel free to make fun of me for that) and our relationship is going badly.  Now I feel like I don't even have a life.  But, at the same time, I'm not sure where I will fit in anymore.  It is all so confusing.

Re: The 3-months depression?
« Reply #17 on: August 02, 2002, 01:52:47 AM »
Aw Liz,  welcome to the site.  Certainly no one on this site will make fun of you for that.  It's natural to feel depressed and isolated.  It may be the same language but it is a different culture.  I think it's easy to underestimate how difficult it can actually be.  You are essentially starting over,  you've given up everything you know and have moved to a foriegn country where you're instantly expected to fit in -without much of a support network.  I'm sorry to hear that things aren't going well for you, but this is a good site with supportive people.  I'm glad you found it.  Feel free to post.  There's an introduce yourself section that you might want to post in.  Take care and I hope things work out for you.  
« Last Edit: August 02, 2002, 01:54:49 AM by 12yearsandcounting »

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Re: The 3-months depression?
« Reply #18 on: August 02, 2002, 02:17:15 AM »
.....I'm from New York

Hi Liz and welcome to our little family.  I see you hail from New Yawk...  ;)  Well so do I.  I also see you are located in the Isle of Dogs - well so am I..  I can completely relate with you on almost everything - especially 9/11 since I was in the city that day and had a training class scheduled downtown across from WTC..(which for some reason I decided not to go but stayed back in my office located in mid-town..and there's not a day that doesn't go by that I do not think about why I decided not to go downtown and almost feel guilty about it at times..)   Please feel free to contact me.  My e-mail address is on my profile.  We can even meet up for coffee tomorrow if you like..  
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Re: The 3-months depression?
« Reply #19 on: August 02, 2002, 12:00:55 PM »
There's nothing worse than not getting on with your boyfriend while living over here.  It can be the most lonely, isolating feeling in the world and I can completely relate as I fight a lot with my partner.  I wanted so badly to walk out the door last weekend in the middle of a huge fight... except I had no where to go and no one to turn to.  I thought, if only I was home, I could go to my Dad's or sister's or a friend's or someone, just to blow some steam off and give me a bit of space.  But no.
So you have my complete sympathy.  Chin up and keep posting.
"When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford." - Samuel Johnson

Re: The 3-months depression?
« Reply #20 on: August 02, 2002, 12:28:22 PM »
I hear you, Hopster!  I'm lucky enough not to really have had any big blow ups with my hubby, but there have been times when a bit of a time out and some space would have been really nice.  

Not having any support system here is one of the hardest things to get used to.

Fiesty, you are such a sweetie!!!

Just to show how desperate I am for some female company now and again, you could bring the entire herd down with ya, sister, and I wouldn't mind a bit!  I miss having kids around me as well, believe it or not.  I used to do *a lot* of watching kids and was a nanny for a while....kids were like, my hobby, as sad as that sounds!  

And if we're having pasta and maritinis as well, well, I'm definately there.  :)

Re: The 3-months depression?
« Reply #21 on: October 23, 2002, 10:48:15 AM »
 As for the PMS thing...well, for a brief while I was a fan of Feminax, but now I'm a fan of Depo Provera....as long as I take my iron pills (being slightly anemic) I get NO PERIOD!  Seriously.  Last one was oh, Octoberish.  :D
mua ha!

I agree... Depo-Provera is good stuff!!!   Why didnt they tell us about this YEARS ago?!

Re: The 3-months depression?
« Reply #22 on: November 05, 2002, 05:13:53 PM »
This is my first post.  I could relate to darn near everything that has been posted on this thread.  I have been here 6 months, married (to my British husband) 3 months.  It has not been easy but the veil of depression seems to be lifting.  No one can imagine the cultural differences between the UK and home.  However, I seem to be assimilating and have many more good days than bad days.  Hang in there because you are not alone!

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Re: The 3-months depression?
« Reply #23 on: November 05, 2002, 10:15:00 PM »
I dunno if I'd call it a depression so to speak, but sometimes it is hard to hear my mom's voice on the phone :'(  She's more like a best bud than a mom (sometimes ;)) and my bro and sister's b-days are coming up and that's going to be hard.  And Christmas (even though I'm Jewish ;))  *sighs*  Am hoping and praying that this will all pass once I've gotten a job.  I think being stuck in the house for weeks on end isn't helping.  Thank GAWD I've learned how to drive ;D

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Re: The 3-months depression?
« Reply #24 on: November 06, 2002, 07:54:30 AM »
I'd definitely call it depression (and clinical). It's one thing to chat with people on the net--it's another thing to have someone you can talk to face to face. There's a huge difference if net friends are all you have in the UK. Take it from an expert.

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Re: The 3-months depression?
« Reply #25 on: November 06, 2002, 11:21:08 AM »
I'm not sure there's any one posting to this site who has not experienced a "homesickness". (I hesitate to use that word because it's so 'schoolish' and I recall how even more upset I got when my sister said to me, after I spilled my emotions on the phone to her a month after I got here, "Oh, you're HOMESICK!" as though she made this grand diagnosis.) No, it's not homesickness, it's much deeper.

I don't feel that way so much any more, and trust me, I had it pretty big. I can't come up with a sure-fire formula for everyone, but I can tell you what worked for me. I've been here 5 years (as of Jan 1), and although there are some slight twangs, I have well passed the stage of feeling I don't belong here. I am an American through and through, but Britain is my home.

1. You've already done this. Take a look around this site. You have found people just like you, going through the same thing; people you can talk with, meet up with, share things with.
2. Get out. Don't isolate yourself inside. If you're not driving or don't have a car, find public transportation. If you don't have easily accessible train-bus-ferry-taxi-scooter-bike-feet-gokart-pushcart, then do some gardening or just sit if you don't have a garden.
3. Get some light around you, especially now. Can't always rely on the sun to shine, so you'll probably have to outfit your favorite room with some lamps. Paint the room a light cheery color.
4. It's okay to reach out to people through email and online chat or posting, like this, but don't make that your only contact. Actually phone and talk with a voice. Meet up for lunch. Go see a film with someone.
5. Don't rely on or expect your mate to be your only friend. He/she can be your best mate, but do make the effort to reach out to others as well. Your best mate (partner) can't always understand what you're going through if he/she hasn't made a move like you have.
6. Don't assume there are no other Americans near to you just because you don't see their push pin on the site map. You are in more company than you can imagine...and imagine how it is for them not being able to reach out as you can do here. Ask around. I know there are some Americans in my area because people tell me.
7. Pamper yourself. You do really do deserve it. It was a very gutsy thing you did, moving all this way, leaving so much behind. I buy clothes through catelogs (personally I get more depressed when I clothes shop here) because I feel better in new clothes. I also have a set-up with the local beauty place. Every two weeks I have something done. I make the appointment after each because I know I won't phone to set something up. Just me. Anyway, I go in cycles of having manicure, pedicure, leg waxing and facial. I have yet to make ongoing appointments at the local leisure for aerobics or yoga or something weekly. (It's that first-step phone call that does me in!) I know the stuff I do wouldn't be to your taste necessarily. But I hope you get my point. Even if it's just to go to a park and swing on a swing for five minutes, eyes closed, it's something that's 'just for me'.
8. Make contact with old friends. People you went to high school or elementary school with. Someone you haven't talked with in years.
9. Do something really silly to merge yourself in local, traditional life. Karaoke, pub quiz, darts, bowls, snooker, cream tea, bon fire night, pantomimes, morris dancing...

Anyone else have suggestions?
What did it for you?
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Re: The 3-months depression?
« Reply #26 on: November 06, 2002, 04:51:17 PM »
I would second everything LiseE said, we've all been there, except in our case it was adjusting to life in the US. My work moved us to the the US for a time from the UK (we're both British), and whilst we both ended up thoroughly enjoying our time there, my wife found it very hard initially - I was working she could not, I felt quilty having asked her to give up a job to come with me, she felt isolated and a bit trapped. There were quite a few tears shed on many occasions meeting her after work I can tell you.

I'm telling you this because we both did pretty much what LiseE listed - and it helped alot, sure it isn't a cure all and you will still miss family and friends, and yes it was slightly different for us as we both had the same cultural background.

Catherine volunteered as a classroom assistant at a local school, she joined a local kids holiday camp as a volunteer nurse in the summer. We both joined a local theatre group and ended up having a great time helping backstage with the scenery props etc - doing something together aswell is a must I think. We ended up with some great (US) friends, met other British people living in the area, and learnt some new things into the bargain.

It was hard to make that initial 'walk into a room with new faces', neither of us are particularly out going types, so we went for things that involved 'doing something' rather than just social meetings. Welcome to the UK, I don't know what type of thing you like doing - but there are hundreds of voluntary/speical interest groups who would very much welcome your help, daytime/evenings/weekends/occasional what ever.

These may not be your thing at all, but just in case:

Your local library will hold a list of all groups and clubs active in the local area, particularly usefull if there's a hobby or subject you're interested in - ask for the list of clubs and societies.

Search for all sorts of volunteering opportunities in the UK:
http://www.do-it.org.uk/ [nofollow]

Rebuild some of our castles and gardens - help at the National Trust http://www.nationaltrust.org.uk/volunteering/ [nofollow]

Help with an Xmas pantomimes, amateur theatre groups: http://www.amdram.co.uk/ [nofollow]

Help the local Xmas 'floats'; Mix local volunteering with some social stuff aswell.

Lions International.
http://www.lionsclubs.org/EN/content/resources_club.shtml [nofollow]

Evening Classes, check with your local library or college. They usually publish a booklet with all the evening or weekend courses being run.

Good luck.
« Last Edit: November 07, 2002, 06:24:50 PM by beekeeper »

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