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Topic: The Loves of Our Lives  (Read 9192 times)

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The Loves of Our Lives
« on: April 19, 2004, 04:27:35 AM »
   Why is it that those of us who have big boned ladies as our partners have to continually have to justify to them why we got involved with them and subsequently married them?    Do they think we all want toothpicks as wives?    Couldnt it be the reason we did so was for their sparkling personalities.    Does anyone else have these problems?????????
G


Re: The Loves of Our Lives
« Reply #1 on: April 19, 2004, 09:18:13 AM »
I've never been asked to justify why I married my wife. I have, on the other hand, often been asked why on earth she agreed to marry me . A far trickier question!


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Re: The Loves of Our Lives
« Reply #2 on: April 19, 2004, 09:25:25 AM »
I've never been asked to justify why I married my wife. I have, on the other hand, often been asked why on earth she agreed to marry me . A far trickier question!

Phil could have posted this one!   ;)
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

- Benjamin Franklin


Re: The Loves of Our Lives
« Reply #3 on: April 19, 2004, 09:47:39 AM »
We are of one mind, Phil and I. We are the Borg.


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Re: The Loves of Our Lives
« Reply #4 on: April 19, 2004, 11:19:59 AM »
I'm beginning to think that might be true... :o
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

- Benjamin Franklin


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Re: The Loves of Our Lives
« Reply #5 on: April 19, 2004, 01:26:28 PM »
Lol....borg in our midst.  AAAAH! As for Mr. Nibbles puede ser tu boton senor? Sorry could not resist despite my lack of tildes on this computer!

WaterG on a slighty more serious note it's because society teaches women that we must be these little waif like things to be noticed and be loved.  Add to that any previous relationships or parental influence and you can get a rather large dose of insecurity. 

I have known tons of larger women (without the big bones they just had lots of meat) that loved themselves so much that they never had a shortage of men or wondered why men liked them.  I think the goal no matter what your size is is to realize that there is a lot more to you than the physical. 
« Last Edit: April 19, 2004, 01:28:25 PM by vnicepeeps »
The wiring in our brain is not static, not irrevocably fixed.  Our brains are adaptable. -Mattieu Ricard

Being ignorant is not so much a shame as being unwilling to learn. -Benjamin Franklin

I have long since come to believe that people never mean half of what they say, and that it is best to disregard their talk and judge only their actions. -D.Day


Re: The Loves of Our Lives
« Reply #6 on: April 19, 2004, 03:13:11 PM »
As for Mr. Nibbles puede ser tu boton senor?

¡Jezebel descarado! :o


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Re: The Loves of Our Lives
« Reply #7 on: April 19, 2004, 04:54:46 PM »
*hangs head in shame.
The wiring in our brain is not static, not irrevocably fixed.  Our brains are adaptable. -Mattieu Ricard

Being ignorant is not so much a shame as being unwilling to learn. -Benjamin Franklin

I have long since come to believe that people never mean half of what they say, and that it is best to disregard their talk and judge only their actions. -D.Day


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Re: The Loves of Our Lives
« Reply #8 on: April 20, 2004, 03:57:24 PM »
How sad that people think that you need to justify that type of thing.

I have to say that women are amazingly beautiful creatures (this from the 100% straight girl who oogles at the nude women models in her drawing class not in a sexual way, but in an admiring way).

I think the female form is so pleasant, both big and small.  Me myself, i'm happier small but i think who you love should not depend on size....much less should you have to defend your choice!

The nerve of some people! >:(


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Re: The Loves of Our Lives
« Reply #9 on: April 21, 2004, 12:00:22 AM »
Well i dont think i phrased the original question judging by the replies.   What i meant in my case Rhia keeps asking me why i ever married her as she is no small person.   Ive constantly said that being skinny as a rake is something that would attract me even though she seems to think that it would have.   My main reason for getting involved in the first place was that her personality and general demeanour were the things that attracted me, not her looks.   But sometimes she gets all fired up, and continually puts herself down. >:(     How do you convince someone, who seems to think you crave the thin and dumb blonde type????????????
G


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Re: The Loves of Our Lives
« Reply #10 on: April 21, 2004, 12:06:21 AM »
 My main reason for getting involved in the first place was that her personality and general demeanour were the things that attracted me, not her looks.   But sometimes she gets all fired up, and continually puts herself down. >:(     How do you convince someone, who seems to think you crave the thin and dumb blonde type????????????

Unfortunately we have been raised in a society that makes it clear...ALL men want a thin dumb blonde. You can't convince her, all you can do is be you..be there for her...and in time she will see for herself that you are happy and where you want to be.

Helena


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Re: The Loves of Our Lives
« Reply #11 on: April 21, 2004, 04:47:48 AM »
Well i dont think i phrased the original question judging by the replies.   What i meant in my case Rhia keeps asking me why i ever married her as she is no small person.   Ive constantly said that being skinny as a rake is something that would attract me even though she seems to think that it would have.   My main reason for getting involved in the first place was that her personality and general demeanour were the things that attracted me, not her looks.   But sometimes she gets all fired up, and continually puts herself down. >:(     How do you convince someone, who seems to think you crave the thin and dumb blonde type????????????

Well, I know this is for the spouses to discuss, but I see myself as being very similar to Rhia.  (Although maybe I can get Steven to put his two cents in ....lol).  Anyways, you're not the reason why she feels that way, or at least you're not the reason she feels that way if she's like me.  I've always viewed myself as ordinary and no one has ever thought I was beautiful, or no one ever told me they thought I was beautiful, until I met my guy.  It's hard to believe that someone is truly attracted to you just the way you are when you are constantly bombarded with messages from the media, or usually more so from other women, telling you that you're not beautiful unless you're blonde, tall, and stick thin.

I know that my guy gets really frustrated with it, but I don't do it to frustrate him, and I'm sure that Rhia isn't doing it to frustrate you.  It's just the way you feel deep down about yourself.  The thing you can keep doing is telling her how much you truly do love and appreciate her for who she is.  It makes me nearly cry to hear my guy tell me such things, especially when I know he is being completely sincere and saying it because he wants to and not because he feels he should.

Even though we women argue and say we don't think you think we're beautiful, we do know it deep down.  And nothing feels better than to know that your man's eyes are looking for you, and only you, in a crowded room.  Ok, it was a lot of babble and I didn't explain it well, but I hope you get at least the jist of what I mean.


"I shall love you until death do us part and then we shall be together for ever and ever." Dylan Thomas

"I am still learning."  Michelangelo


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Re: The Loves of Our Lives
« Reply #12 on: April 21, 2004, 10:51:46 AM »
Oh, G, do I understand.

The only person Phil ever has to justify being married to me is...me.  I don't get how he can look at me the way he does.  Sounds like Rhia and are completely on the same page on this.

It's like Krissybelle and HG have already said - we are completely surrounded by images of the kind of woman men are supposed to be turned on by - and it ain't *us.*  Everytime I start feeling even the little bit good about myself and accepting of my body and face, it suddenly feels as if the media is exploding with toothpick thin girls without cellulite on their thighs or a blemish on their face.

Yes, I know it's mostly airbrushing.  And that most of those girls are not in their 30's and have bodies which have given birth.  But explain Rachel Hunter to me??  And Claudia Schiffer.

No, I didn't have a nanny to take care of my kids when they were born and I was too busy working myself to death to support them to worry about getting time in at the gym - which quite frankly has never been my scene anyway.

So I - like a lot of *average* women - am caught between a rock and a hard place.  Do I accept who I am and how I look because I'm happy (usually) and healthy and have a great guy who loves me just as I am?  Or do I watch what I eat and exercise to death and try to achieve this image of perfection?

And what if I do achieve it - will I then simply find something else to be unhappy about myself with?

Phil and I have gone over this time and time again.  His being attracted to me should be enough.  But it's really hard to compete against 30+ years of "conditioning."
"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

- Benjamin Franklin


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Re: The Loves of Our Lives
« Reply #13 on: April 21, 2004, 02:30:39 PM »
ok phew...i was worried some idiot had said something to you about it!  i was about to go nutsola. >:(

I agree with what others have said......i think the best you can do is to be there to listen to her frustrations and support her (which clearly you do already!).  It's so hard when you get down on yourself to see the inner beauty.  i know so many who have been in those tough times, and as much as they suck, we really do know in our hearts why we deserve to be loved.


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Re: The Loves of Our Lives
« Reply #14 on: April 21, 2004, 03:03:52 PM »
I can totally relate to Peedal and Rhia. I was thinner when I first started seeing the DF but have put on weight since but wasn't exactly an 'American stick insect' (thanks to Bridget Jones!) to start with.

Yes, he would be very happy if I lost weight because he knows it's healthier and I'd be happier but I continually need reassurance from him that I'm OK. This is despite obvious evidence from him that he has always preferred larger women (a child of the 80s, he loves Alison Moyet!).

DF's twin brother calls the so-called desirable female shape perpetuated by the media 'breakable women'.

Part of the thing I have to deal with is that while DF is taller than me, he's always been very slim - around 9 1/2 stone when we first met but now just under 12! So he can eat what he wants, when he wants and I constantly struggle.

Along with the media image we're told we should strive for, we have all the frumpy clothes generally on sale for larger women. No wonder we're a bunch of basket cases!

When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life. ~ John Lennon


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