Homesick and Lonely

Thanks Wishstar for the invite. I already have plans on that day and mexican food even. I sure do miss it. Maybe another time?

Elle my response for you is in the introduce yourself section.  

Thanks guys
Ann

Elle my response for you is in the introduce yourself section.  

Hey Ann!  I keep checking there but don't see a response yet.  I notice you're on though so maybe you're still typing it out.

lol Elle, yes I was still typing it out.

I realise I'm in on this late and it seems as if everyone is pretty much done unloading, but I can't miss an opportunity to say that I'm so relieved "I'm not the only one."  

I haven't made any friends here yet, and it's hard to talk to David about these things.  He hasn't left his home.  His family.  Or his friends.  He understands, sure, and lets me cry on his shoulder any time I need to, often for hours, but it's not the same.  I had to leave behind the cat I've had since I was nine.  Because he's really getting on in years, I knew there was no way he would survive the quarantine, not to mention that he hates change and just being in a new place would probably make him very unhappy.  Now, here I am thousands of miles away, and he's getting incontinent, which is annoying my family, and they want to get rid of him.      Like I don't feel guilty enough for leaving him in the first place??

I hate saying this, because it sounds bad, but my parents have always been very narrow-minded and have looked upon the Internet as a place where freaks gather to prey on people.  Sure, that does happen, but  my parents were quite paranoid about it.  Telling them I'd decided to move to the UK to marry someone I met online?  Ummm . . . no.  It wouldn't have mattered that I'd secretly met him in Ohio 4 times, or that he was a successful man capable of supporting me, or that he was incredibly nice and gentle . . . they never would have let me come over here.  So I lied about why I was coming over here and eloped.  They don't know I'm married, that I'm enjoying being a wife . . . the fact that I miss my family like crazy is only magnified by the fact that I have to hide the happiest parts of my life because if I told them, I would never be able to speak to them again.  

My little brother Daniel and I were incredibly close.  We spent massive amounts of time together, really enjoying each other's company, which is unusual between siblings with a seven year difference.  He allowed me to be me without feeling like an idiot when I acted child-like, and I was his confidant, his snuggle friend, his playmate, his homework help, the one he knew he could vent to about our parents without getting into trouble for it.   I could count on both hands the number of times during every day the face of my little brother comes back to me, crying all the way to the airport.  The way he clung to me the night before and told me he wasn't going to let me leave.  All the questions he asked, "Why do you have to leave?  Don't you like it here?  I'm going to miss you too much.  You can't go!"

Five months later and I still don't know how I did it.  Sometimes I have nightmares about him being in an accident and getting killed, knowing that the last time he'd seen his big sister was when she was walking away from him, leaving him.  I know all this happens to people all the time . . . it's normal for adults to leave the home they grew up in to make a life for themselves somewhere else, whether it's close by or far away, but there's a different feeling when you decide to go so far and leave so permanently.  

I don't regret being here, or being married to David, but I do experience great sorrow over how it had to happen, and I do wish that I hadn't had to leave.  Even insignificant things bother me . . . the bedroom that was always MINE and always so comfortable and such a haven, my older brother moved into as soon as I left.  That shouldn't bug me, being a rational adult . . . yeah, my room was nicer and bigger . . . but I can't help the way that it makes me feel.  

I know that all of this is really emotionally loaded, but it's an emotional subject and its root is in emotion, so if I want to dump my heart on unwanting laps, I'm afraid the only really cathartic and effective way to do it is with lots of emotion.  It takes a lot of strength from a resource I didn't know I had in order to be a functioning adult every day, when so much of the time I want to crawl under the covers (not the duvet) and be transported back to the world I was so familiar with and so comfortable in.  

I dread going back to Ohio this year to visit.  I love my family to pieces and am dying to see them, but I don't want to face the parting again, or the questions, or all my friends and family wondering why 1 year in a foreign country isn't "enough."  I'm not sure I could take another session of tears at the airport.  It's a crazy feeling, but I want to put off visiting for many many years, which makes me feel extremely guilty.  

Well, I suppose I shall leave off dumping for the time being, and try to stop feeling so darn homesick.  

Thanks for listening, (reading, you know what I mean!)
Jewel  

 

Hey Jewel...dump away chica.  

Most of us have been there, and sometimes we still visit.  

It must be especially hard being so happy and not being able to share it with your family, particularly since that probably just increases your whole feeling guilty factor.  

Tho it's incredibly cool to have another David lover (means beloved btw, in case you were curious) on the list.  (How many Mrs. David's are there here now?)

my post isn't filled with wisdom or even terribly well written...but I just wanted you to know that I'm here for ya grrlie.  

wench

Jewel, honey, there's no way I can post a reply to this without sounding like someone's Mom, so I'm afraid you're going to have to bear with me.    First of all, hang in there.  It will get easier and you will make friends.  Are you working?  Going to school?  If you're not, I really think you need to find a way to get out and meet people.  Second of all, well, this is hard enough-moving to another country, getting married-without isolating yourself from your family.  And by lying to them, that's what you're doing.  I honest to goodness think that if you haven't done it already, then you've got to come clean about this.  You've made a very adult decision and so you've got to follow it through in an adult fashion.  Tell your parents about the choices and the plans that you've made and they will have to accept it.  It's your life,  but as the saying goes-if you want to get treated like an adult then you'll have to act like one.  I'm afraid that by lying about this, it does seem more like running away than making an adult decision.  I wish you the best of luck and really hope things work out for you.  
As for crying at the airport, I'm afraid that that never gets better.  You're always going to feel upset, just like you'll have homesickness, no matter how long you live here.  This is really why you need your family on your side.  

Wench, thank you for your comments!  I appreciate them.

Mindy, thank you as well for your advice.  I've always known that I would tell my parents at some point, it's just that with the emotional upheaval of me leaving and such, they wouldn't be able to handle that as well and not go crazy.  What I want to do is acclimise them to the idea of me living over here, and then slowly work my husband in.  It will be difficult for them to take it in, but I think it will be surviveable (sp?).  I don't claim that I handled it the best way by lying and eloping, but I think sometimes love pushes us to do things we wouldn't normally do.  By the way, it was a bit like running away and escaping.  If I had told the truth, I really truly would have had to run away in order to leave.  

I do realise how important it is to keep in touch with my family and have them on my side, which is one of the reasons I lied, in order to not only save my bum, but ensure that in the future there wouldn't be hard feelings and they wouldn't abandon me for making these decisions.  I guess I was thinking that "what they don't know won't hurt them."  

I won't even try to decide if what I did was right or wrong; I did what I thought was absolutely necessary at the time.  Maybe I didn't have to, but what's done is done and all I can do is repair from there.    

I've just gotten my spouse's visa, so can now look for a job, but there's not much in tiny little Wellington.  I just graduated from high school in June 2002 so I don't really have any training or skills in a particular area.  It doesn't help that I'm really anxious about starting a job over here, especially since I'm really shy and fear that I won't do things right.  

I want to go to school, but doing that would stretch our money a bit tight, so I'm holding off on that.  

Anyway, thank you so much for your comments and for being direct about it!  
Jewel  

I'm sorry to hear that you've been homesick Jewel.  I have been dealing with a bad bout of homesickness, too.   It's really helped to be able to talk to my family and friends about it, and cry on the phone to my mom and dad.  Even though I'm 34, I'm still their girl and need to lean on them.  I can't imagine not being able to open up to them and have their support.

I agree with Mindy that you should tell your parents the truth.  If you want them to treat you like an adult, you need to be an adult and tell them the truth, even if it is difficult and they won't like it.  I bet they'll surprise you -- they may not be happy with the situation at first, but you are their daughter and most parents just want their children to be safe and happy.

Good luck.  Hope you start to feel better soon.

Stephanie

I've got to agree with Stephanie here.  Give your parents some credit.  They can cope with this-and have probably gotten through alot of things that you don't even know about.  And after all, what can they do?  Phone interpol?  You're an adult now, you've made this decision.  
But,  perpetuating a lie makes the original lie that much worse.  Trust me, because I have experience with this.  The longer you keep a lie going, the harder it is for you to tell the truth and the repercussions will be that much greater.  The longer you wait the more upset they will be and the harder it will be for them to forgive.  Tell them now.  

God I can  totally relate to what you  all are saying . I had the life of Riely at home I grew up at our local yatch club on the beach, in the water, on the tennis court, out on our boats ,  and I can now  never give that to my children .   Not here . I have lived here for nearly 8 years now  went through a divorce and remarriage  alone , with  two boys only 8-10 then .My ex husband wouldn't leave our family home , I found  too ! We would never have had with out my family  and my job  . I couldn't handle the court battle, so took the undervalued  settlement and un- realistic child support  to get him off my back. I'm now re-married  and starting all over again ,  .. again . like it was hard enough  the first time I moved here.  And I've  had to moved from the area all my friends live in too , BTW was a much nicer neighborhood. My saving grace is I have met   really wonderful man and if not for him I'd be home  2moro.I can't move home until our kids are a bit older as I couldn't ask him to leave his own 12 year old son or take my kids from thier Dad . I might not like to be around him but I know for sure he  adore his kids and is a exellent Father  most of the time. ( I kick myself thinking I didnt go for house what kind of American am I?) If any of you are lawyers and  you think I can get my house back ? I have full custody of the children.?PLease feel free to contact  me !
Thanks for lettig me  have my moan I feel much better !
  IM SOOOOOO HOMESICK... GIMME A HOT FRESH BAGEL ON A SUNDAY MORNING PLEASE.........Achohol and the internet dont mix!  Tee hee

trubluyank...

Sounds like you've had waaay more than your fair share of a rough time.  I'm glad that you're with a man you love now tho.     Btw...the Bagel Factory isn't bad...
Tho I haven't yet worked up the courage to try their bagel dog.  (Yes...a bagel shaped like a hot dog bun with a hot dog inside...it's either gonna be really good or just plain funky)
wench

Thanks wench for the reply , things are better now and My Mom is coming to visit me  April 7th  for a week I cant wait to see her . I just get  so frustrated at having to live here still  when I really want to  go home .. But I guess there are worse things and places I could be dealing with .Im so glad I found this  message boards !!!Again I ask ? Is there a live chat room ? because I cant find it ..
Some body gimme a hint plse .
Cheers ,
Trubluyank

In order to chat, just click the Chat icon that is at the top of each forum page. It should pop up a new chat window, ask you permission to run the java applet, and then load the applet when you permit it to. Does that work for you?

Hang in there Steph!
I spent twenty years in Minnesota, one of the great places in the States to be from, before I came over nine years ago. The novelty of living in a Third World country wears off after a while, and you start to miss things like efficiency, initiative and buying something that isn't over priced by 100%!

Know that feeling too well..been here 3 years...only found one other american and she and I are friends..but even then she works alot and so does her husband so our time is limited too.. we talk on line more then anything.


I'm sick of feeling this way but in the same token I feel like I am complaining alot and I just wanna go home...but reality sets in and says no hubby has a few more years before he can retire and this is your home so suck it up and deal..

would be easier if you had friends to go hang out with or even hay I'll watch your kids for a few hours while you and your husband go out...at this point do anything..

I have no problem making friends in states.and I feel OK am I that freaking deformed that NO one wants to be friends with me...I dunno what to think..

Milton Keyenes is weird place...I just dont feel like I fit in anywhere..and having other american friends..then I would fit in caused I know the language..does this sound stupid??

Just going and getting active doesnt help cause I'm an outsider...and I dont fit in... and no matter how much I try...I'm still gonna be looked at as a foriner.