Does anyone feel like I do?

Hello

Just wondering if anyone else out there feels as unsettled as I do. Hubby and I have been through a whirlwind experience since meeting. I will try to briefly sum it up below:

1. Hubby and I meet, keep up a long distance relationship for over a year, and hubby moves over to US while I finish university--we marry within that time.
2. Hubby moves back to UK, I graduate, and soon follow.
3. We live in UK for a year, not really knowing where to settle. I am unhappy during this time as I initially had a hard time adjusting.
4. We attempt a poorly planned move to the USA, staying with my parents, Yikes!! As the job market was pretty bad and we did not want to stay in the area where my parents live, we MOVE BACK to England after a few short months.
5. Here we are again. Hubby went back to old job, I am at same contract job looking for permanent work. We still wake up each weekend and ponder moving again to the US. There are many reasons that we still visit the move to the US: two at the top of the list are house prices and weather.

Are we crazy? We are feeling crazy at the moment. Why can't we just settle? I guess we should never have moved back to the area that we initially moved from. It just turned out that his employer was the one who offered the most money. We like the area and you would be surprised what living with the parents again will drive you to. Not only did we live with my parents, but lived with his when we moved back over.

Does anyone else feel as unsettled? One day I like it here. I have made some fabulous friends. The next, when I am faced with yet another rainy dreary day, or am having a look around at some 2-bed dump in our price bracket, I want to move to Florida.

Any similar experiences or advice?

Just wondering if anyone else out there feels as unsettled as I do. Hubby and I have been through a whirlwind experience since meeting. I will try to briefly sum it up below:

1. Hubby and I meet, keep up a long distance relationship for over a year, and hubby moves over to US while I finish university--we marry within that time.
2. Hubby moves back to UK, I graduate, and soon follow.
3. We live in UK for a year, not really knowing where to settle. I am unhappy during this time as I initially had a hard time adjusting.
4. We attempt a poorly planned move to the USA, staying with my parents, Yikes!! As the job market was pretty bad and we did not want to stay in the area where my parents live, we MOVE BACK to England after a few short months.
5. Here we are again. Hubby went back to old job, I am at same contract job looking for permanent work. We still wake up each weekend and ponder moving again to the US. There are many reasons that we still visit the move to the US: two at the top of the list are house prices and weather.

Yes, I've been there.  It's truly not easy being in a cross-continental relationship.  I know how it feels to be pulled in two different directions.  Your story could almost be my own.  We lived apart.  Lived over there for awhile, it didn't work.  We moved over here, lived with his parents.  Talked about moving back.  Have had many conversations over the years about whether it was the right or wrong decision-I miss my family and feel that at least one of my kids would have done better in the US school system.  I'm sorry to say it doesn't end.  The answer for me, was just making the decision that this was my life, this was the decision that we'd made and I had to make the best of it.  I've been here fifteen years.  Have friends, roots, a nice house.  I still miss my family, but truthfully, I have no desire to move back.  I'd feel like a fish out of water.  Just try to hang in there.  It does get better.   

  Yes hon I know actually how you are feeling right now.After spending a few months in England then living here for the last few years,now back to the UK again... It really can do you head in and keep one very confused!

   But in all honestly I know in my heart the UK is where I belong,and where I want to be.I cant see myself ever living here again.Like Mindy,I also  know that I will miss my family though.

     Hang in there,you will find your path ,just give it some more time.

     It seems we spend half our lives searching for happiness,finding it,and then second guessing our decisions

It seems we spend half our lives searching for happiness,finding it,and then second guessing our decisions

Wow, I sure do like that Rhia   How true it is

Jenn.. it's just my opinion, but it seems like you haven't given either place (US or UK) a fair enough trial.
I think you need to give it more time before making any decisions.

What about if you moved to a different part of the UK? 

Thanks for the support everyone. I just knew there were others out there who have been through the same thing.

Broxi, I know it seems like we haven't given either place a chance. That is true to a degree with the US. As stated, it wasn't a well planned venture and we were only trying to get started and settled for a few months. Over here is another story. We have been all over the country looking for that special place to live. We have found several places that we would like to live, but there's always a catch.  If we like it and the housing is affordable, there aren't jobs. Take Norwich for example. We love it there. You get loads of space for your money, the weather is slightly better there, and lots of countryside to admire and adore. The catch? No jobs in my husband's industry and very low paid salaries for anything I would want to do.

Saying that, we haven't given up on England and are still searching for our place. Other than the weather, I feel I have adjusted to this country. I have fallen in love with so many aspects. It just gets really discouraging when you qualify for a huge gigantor mortgage and you go out and see what you can get for that amount of money. But hey, don't want to start whinging and moaning here. I am sure I've done enough already.  I just wanted to know that I wasn't losing my marbles.

What about if you moved to a different part of the UK? 

I agree with this thought - I'm positive that part of why I've been so happy "in the UK" is because of where I moved to here.  I may not have been so happy had we been in Manchester or even London itself.  We lucked out and found our spot - maybe you just need to find yours - whether it's here or in the US.

Personally, I wouldn't recommend Florida - but that's just my opinion.   

... you would be surprised what living with the parents again will drive you to. Not only did we live with my parents, but lived with his when we moved back over.

I haven't read anyone else's reply yet, but wanted to say that I totally understand (as many do here!) how difficult it is to move back in with your parents as an adult, especially with someone else with you... and that alone could have colored your whole experience and I wouldn't be surprised in the least! So I just wanted to give you hugs - you're NOT insane, you've both had hard circumstances in getting your relationship together in the first place, and the "where to settle" question is never easy... big hugs to you!

Awwwww. ((((((Big Hugs))))) right back Marlespo. I needed that,

I can honestly say Jen that I doubt I will ever feel 100% at home anywhere.  What I do try to do is just feel at home at the moment.  I really do not know many people that love every aspect of where they live and those that do I consider lucky in many ways.  Usually I find that they a. grew up and lived there all their lives or b. have very strong family ties to the place. 

I have never lived in one place for more than 4 years in my entire life.  I find that so many of us suffer from the symdrome where things were better at "x" the good is remembered and the bad fades into the not as bad as where I am now.  Add to this the stress of moving your entire life and living with relatives and it is hard.  I am not sure what my point is here except to tell you to hang on and just keep looking for that place for you.  Have  you guys done the list thing for what is needed in a town, not so needed, nice but we can live without etc.? In the meantime live as much in the present as possible, and live for those good things around you.  I do not really like Atlanta (some people love it), but I have found places and parts that make me happy here.  When I get desperate I just head downtown sit in a pub in the sunshine and sip a glass of wine.  The world fades away and at that one moment I can not think of a mroe perfect place to be.

I am babbling but I hope I made sense.

Lots of hugs!!!

Jen-
I don't have much else to contribute, but just wanted to say that I too am in pretty much the same boat as you.  We didn't move back to the states, but havve moved 6 times in the last 3 years--largely because I couldn't settle.  I keep wanting to go back to the US, move to hubby's native South Africa, join the VSO, anything.  I think my problem is that I am looking for home. Not as if I can go back to where I grew up in Iowa as there are NO career prospects for me and Kevin would NEVER get a job in  South Africa.  So Britain is a compromise that just doesn't seem to fit...There are good things and bad things--things to stay for and things to run away from and good days and bad days.  It is not home, but I am young and can probably give it a bit more time.

I don't know if that helps you, but I am glad to know there are other people in the same boat as me!

I can also chime in here. We've moved from Reading to Kendal to Carlisle to Newcastle to Exmouth. All places had their good and bad points. I have to say that right now is the hardest as we knew NO ONE here so we're still adjusting and coping and trying to make it home - we'll be here at least another 2 years. I worry about the job market as well as the DF is tied to this area until he finishes his PhD and I'm scared that the job prospects in my field will be limited or very hard to break into. I'm also scared because we want kids soon and we have no family in the area to help out.

So, keep trying and keep us posted! I guess in many ways we're all in this together. 

I've gotta agree w/ everyone who said you might want to think about moving to another part of the UK.  We lived in Middlesbrough for the first 6 months I was here and, honestly, I hated it.  We moved to Newcastle 2 months ago and I'm soooo much happier.  Now granted, I'm not "American-style" happy, but I'm still happy!     It's amazing what a difference 40 miles makes! 

Thanks so much for sharing everybody.

When you don't have much contact with people in the same boat as yourself, you start thinking you are in it alone.

There's been some terrific advice here. I am so happy to hear that some of you have found your way. I am sure the rest of us will too.

Sometimes it helps to have such encouraging words and other experiences, to make yourself realise that it's out there, and you will find it. Just not to give up. I have to admit that I sometimes suffer from that "I want it all and I want it now" syndrome. Sometimes it's hard to imagine buying property A, and trading up until I finally get to property F, 25 years from now. I will get my head around this though.

Anyway, thanks again everybody. (((hugs)))

Jenny

Thing is... I wonder sometimes if what we are is a product of the "American Dream"  ideal.  You know that illusive reality of the 1950's/1960's that we were somehow supposed to just fit right into?

I also wonder how you get to 30 or older and still not feel settled. 

I do honestly know one thing though...and that is that I would never trade my experiences for life in one place.  Each new place and each new experience makes me thankful.  I am thankful for the people I meet along the way and the things I learn as I travel.  I too am thankful there are more of us out there! I am thankful that my true home is in my heart and in each moment I live not matter where I find myself.  I just need to remember that more often.