any help enduring the distance

why is it so hard to endure the distance i know a lot of you have been there, it;'s hard explaining to other people why it s so hard when the distance involves six hours time difference,  like a lot of you say hang in there but there are days when its just so hard when you miss someone, any tips would be grateful.

I hear you Robert!  It's harder then just having the person you love living one or two states away! (I did that once too, living in NY having my guy in MA)  I guess you just need to talk all the time and know that you will see them again soon.  That is what kept me going before I moved to England.  Although every time Richard left I cried for a day! We didn't go more then a month without seeing each other for almost a year, and then I moved there.  I've been away from him now for almost three months, (With a quick visit two months ago) but I know he will be here soon and then I will go back to the UK for good.  Have you looked into the video phoning?  I don't know much about it but it seems to work for some people.  My parents want it for when I have kids!

Just remember, life is too short to let great opportunities go by! 

Hi Robert.  Stacey was right - life's too short.  So get a bit creative.  Mail things just to break up the monotony.  Do you have a web cam?  Does she?  That could be really fun.  Mostly for my husband and me it was phone calls.  Everyday.  Yup we took it on the chin in phone bills but we decided that was our dating time.  How often will you get to see your honey.  My longest time away from Chris was 9 months.  That was tough.  But you get thru it cause you love them and they love you.  You take it sometimes one day at a time.  Chris and I also bought a cheap microphone photo frame from Radio Shack.  We even thought of sending small tape recordings back and forth to each other but we spoke on the phone everyday. 

What does she suggest you try?  We had one crazy notion of trying to get on a web cam in the area either he was or I was and get a message back.  Took lots of planning for that one.  But it was fun to try and plan it together.

Ohhh lastly we actually did this one....we watched a movie together.  We rented the same movie and played them the same time.  But he watch a dvd and I watched vhs and his played a few seconds faster.  So he was rewinding the movie alot and we had fun making comments just like we were together anyway.  Not the same but well you get the idea. 

Good luck Robert.

HI Robert... I am sorry you are having to deal with LDDS (Long Distance Distress Syndrome)... Most of us here have had to deal with it at some point and I believe everyone has their own way of handling it... some I am sure better than others...  For myself, we were apart for the better part of 3 years, not being able to afford the travel back and forth except once a year.  The only thing that saved us was using the video cam on computer... we literally spent our lives on it when ever possible... even then you can get so frustrated not being able to touch or comfort each other from the frustration of being apart... but to us, it was better than no contact at all...

For the most part, I would say that communication is the best way to help allieviate the pain of being apart...  set up a schedule to talk to each other... which ever technical device is best for you... but also make sure you set up time off as well...because you do not want to get to the point where you feel tied to the computer or phone that you normal daily life suffers... then you may begin to resent what the relationship is doing to your life...

After one year of constant contact...  Tom and I began to get very frustrated with having to sit at a computer...  so we set up a schedule to meet about 3-4 times a week...  for only about 2 hours at a time...  that relieved a lot of frustration and kept us close to each others hearts.  so communication is great...but within reason.

patience is a word I heard way to often by everyone around me...  I hated that word... but ya know what, I learned how to be patient without ever trying...  so as much as I hate the word...  I will eat my words and tell you to be patient as best you can... it is far from easy... but the outcome is well worth the wait.

Good luck Robert and welcome to UKY

I like that movie idea Kismet...  Tom use to read a book to me via the web cam and headphones...  I always felt so close to him when he read...because I knew it was from his heart to do that.

LOL we also spent the night together via cam a few times early on...it was great... of course we both had broadband at the time...  and our computers were in our bedrooms...  we would just set up the cams to view each other in bed... and we would turn off the lights but a small one and talk to each other in the dark... that was fun...except tom was always up drinking tea by the time i opened my eyes...

LOL we also spent the night together via cam a few times early on...it was great... of course we both had broadband at the time...  and our computers were in our bedrooms...  we would just set up the cams to view each other in bed... and we would turn off the lights but a small one and talk to each other in the dark... that was fun...except tom was always up drinking tea by the time i opened my eyes...

Awww...that's the sweetest thing!  Almost (but not completely!) makes me wish we were apart again so we could do that!    

what do i do?

i stare at pictures.

i call him in the middle of the night

i spray my Harrods teddy he gave me for our first vday with his collogne

i write in my journal

i write him letters

i go for walks to clear my head

i convince myself that i'm one day closer to my wedding and try and put off counting the days until we're together again.

no it's not easy, but we have to do stuff to keep ourselves from going mad.  I cook, i take classes, i volenteer....it's been over a year and a half and these last few months have been so hard....but we will get through it!

Hey Robert, I know a couple people have mentioned it, but webcams are a good idea.  I know for me it was incredibly frustrating that I could see him yet I couldn't touch him, but it was a lot better than not being able to see him at all.  And like Kizmet said about phone calls - I ran my bill up, quite a few times actually, still do.  But to be honest its worth it.

I recently sent him a card.  Things like that are really special.  To check the post one day and find a card, letter or a gift.

Its terrible to be in an LDR, I've been in one for six years.  But you'll be together before you know it

I think the idea of setting up schedules to talk together is a good one.  Right now we can't really do that and I find myself sitting in fron of the computer waiting and waiting because I'm never certain when he can come talk and I wouldn't want to risk missing a chat with him.  In the end, if he doesn't show up I just end up more frustrated.  So, I think it's good for you to set aside time so that you're not waiting and ignoring other areas of your life.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I feel like I waste my time or anything like that, and with me being in my room most of the time at uni anyways it's no biggy, but if you're working and all of that you need time to go out and do things with friends, etc.  You need time with others so that you're not always focused on you and the fact that you're alone.

I LOVE getting emails, packages, letters, etc. 

I love my Bear Factory bear, and like Aimiloo, I spray it with cologne of his.

We have little notebooks we write in and send back and forth.

Pictures...the more the better!  Preferably with the two of you together.

It's not easy, it doesn't get easier, it gets harder.  But...you can do it.

I know how you feel. Long distance isnt fun.

Things Ive done to help ease the pain:

hour long phone calls each day (and sometimes one or two more quick ones just to say I LOVE YOU)

tons of emails including personal notes, exchanging news stories, sports scores, etc.

mailing packages of gifts, home made cards, etc

photos allover my walls of each other

small 'shrine' on my bed-side table of sea-shells we have collected, more photos, plush dolls he has given me, all of his notes and drawings to me

his stuffed animal he gave me a few months after we arrive- I sleep with him every night 

our photo as computer back drop and also a photo screensaver that brings up all of our photos

counting down the days till we see one another

exchanging recipes we would like to cook one another

Yup, its silly but its what gets me by everyday. Also- keeping busy. Work a second job if you dont have one- even if its one or two days a week just to get out of the house. Ive joined a belly dancing class held weekly- dance is the 2nd love of my life and its nice to 'release' thru any form of excercise.

 

  Oh I just love reading your stories.It brought back so many memories of me and G!  the great,and the not so great.

   We managed by the phone(many long nights)the comp,although no webcam,and alot of posted letters.There was times when I just wanted to scream from the frustration of not being with my man,but I knew deep in my heart that we would be together 

  Time ,love , commitment,and alot of patience  like any other relationship is what it takes Robert.

  Rhia

One more thing.  Richard and I talked everyday!  He usually called me, but we got around the cost by buying phone cards.  I think the best deal he got was 1000 min. for £10.  In the states we have 1010 987 before the number and it's a .39 connection fee and .03 a minute after that.

In the states we have 1010 987 before the number and it's a .39 connection fee and .03 a minute after that.

Does that work?  I had heard some really bad things about that, like people being charged for calls they didn't even make.  I was always afraid after that.

Sorry for straying from the original topic

As far as I know it is fine.  My parents get the bill so I can ask them about it.  I think you can also call you LDP and ask them if they have a special plan for international calls.  AT&T had one last year when I used them.  It was $2.50 per month and .08 a minute.  But you need to call and sign up that I know for sure.

Ah, thanks.  I have SBC so its a $6 monthly fee and 10¢ a minute.  Anything that allows me to talk to him longer, I'm for.  Thanks again Stacey.