Am I mad to consider living with a strange man in the country?

Greetings All,

I posted an ad on Gumtree and got a response that I feel both excited and squiffy about.

An older gent (50) has a farm house in SW Bristol (7 miles from the University).  Apparently he works in Bristol and returns home to Manchester every weekend.

There are 2 rooms to rent, so I suppose someone else would be moving in too eventually.  I've seen enough of Bristol to know that I want to live outside of the "loop"  I wasn't thinking THAT far.   

It looks lovely, though, and my cats would be happy.  400 pcm inclusive.  Alternatively, I'm looking at a 1 bedroom tomorrow in Totterdown (south, 10-20 minute walk into Bristol).  They want 6 months rent (500 pcm exclusive) and a deposit.

When I called to tell my aunt that I was going to look at farm tomorrow, she was not at all happy about my decision.  I get it, but I'm not sure I'm going to let it stop me.  I plan to tell her exactly where I'm going etc, carry mobile phone

I would ask him for a reference and try to get a feel for his situation on the phone.

Am I completely bonkers to consider this? 

No you are not crazy to consider it. It sounds like you are thinking it through and taking precautions. If my daughter was doing it I would be nervous...but I don't think I would tell her to completely rule it out. I would want to know a little about how he will choose the other boarder..that could make a huge difference in addition to your wanting references for him.

Good Luck with finding the place that is right for you!

I would not feel comfortable with my daughter taking a room in such a place.

I think it would be wiser to find some place a little less isolated at first and then, once you get used to the lay of the land, see if it's still something you want.

**alarm bells ringing**  Why not look for a group flatshare? That is bound to be more fun and a good way to meet people.

Good luck finding a suitable place.

I would feel very uncomfortable...even if the guy was genuine.  Remember that it just won't be him...he will have his *friends* too.

I think I would feel more comfortable living with people of my own age group or a few years here or there.....I would want to develop a good social circle with similar views and tastes if I was at Uni...but thats just me.

Forgot to mention that this guy IS in my age group!  I'm going to be 40 this year.   Which is why I don't want to live with younger students or in a loud student dominated area 

Well I'm 40 and I would feel weird about a living situation like that without knowing the guy from a bar of soap. Maybe I'm a big scaredy cat but I don't think I'd even want to go and view the place by myself, I'd take a friend.

You may be able to find a flatshare with people your own age if you want to live with other people. I don't know about Bristol but it's  reasonably common for people in London of that age to have flatmates.

**alarm bells ringing** 

Thats what I thought when I read the subject line and then read the post.

I have no advice just I'd be very careful if you plan on going for it.

Good luck

I would definitely look into the flatmate option first...living with people your own age is different.  Just be really careful and maybe bring someone with you to look at the room?  Good luck with everything! 

Thanks everyone!  I really appreciate your honest answers.

I've been convinced that this is not the way to go.  Even if the guy is legit, I need to find something closer to the city for now.

I've got 4 days to sort my living situation (with 3 cats) or I'm f*cked.   It's a wee stressful.     

I think you've made the right decision. I'm 45 and I don't think I'd have been comfortable with that situation. Who knows ... it may have been fine. In fact, it probably would have been. But, personally, I wouldn't want to take that risk. Probably isn't good enough! Best of luck and I hope you find something soon!

I would look for the same gender to lodge with. I would think that would be easy to find.

I would look for the same gender to lodge with. I would think that would be easy to find.

agreed

Well, my MIL is in her early 50s and takes lodgers in her own home and in her buy-to-let properties, including younger students of both sexes as well as older people. Taking in lodgers is quite common in England, especially among middle-aged people who are looking at ways to make extra money before retirement.

I would think it would be more common for a 50-something to own a house big enough to have extra rooms to rent than a 20-something.

Commuting long distances and only staying at home on the weekends also isn't that unusual.  Since I moved to England, I've met a number of people who do/have done this.

Well, good that you've decided to stay closer to the city, though.

I hate living with women, and unlike the others I don't hear alarm bells.  I know that it is moot now, but I would say for any others going for this a) meet him for a chat before you see the house, to see if you would get on b) bring a friend (ideally male) when you go and see the house for the first time c) arrange to meet the other likely tenant before moving in.

It's the commuting that would get me - it is one thing in London but may be different in a remote area with no night buses. 

Vicky