A big, fat, juicy cheeseburger 
Hmmm its only half nine in the morning....
Good luck finding a decent one here! I find the beef to be a bit too lean; and what is referred to as a "beefburger" tastes more like a Salisbury steak without the gravy. The best mince I've tasted came from Ayrshire, Scotland. I haven't been able to find any Scottish beef, since!
I have to agree with you, though...a big, fat, rare cheeseburger, with American corn-fed ground chuck, with Polish garlic dill pickles, and "dragged through the garden," sounds like heaven!!!!!
(as for the cheese, I'll have some Welsh cheddar, or Double Gloucester, though!)
P.S. I just noticed you ARE in Scotland, Phatbeetle! Lucky you, as far as good beef goes!