So confused!

I lived in the US from 96-07, then my husband and I and 2 small kids decided to try it back over here in the UK, now its time to decide where to live US or UK and I am so confused!, we have a house over in SC still so its easyish to move back.  The cost of living is one thing that we struggle with over here, my head says it would be smart to move back, start our own business, kids will enjoy the outdoors so much, but my heart loves it here.  Of course its not all about me and I am trying to figure what is best for us all, but its so difficult, I had finally come around to the idea of moving back and went to book the tickets and ended up crying my eyes out!! My husband is really ready to go back (he is a USC), but said he would stay her if it'll make me happy! Bless him! There are so many good and bad points that I can hardly thing straight, I have tried to just list all the things I want from life and what I want for my kids, I can't seem to make a decision and stick with it.  I think my nightmare would be to go back and then regret it.  But we can't stay in limbo forever, I hate renting I want my kids to have pets and want them to get settled before they get into school..  Anyone else in this situation?     My biggest problem is that I love the village I live in and I love the daycare the kids are at.  My parents are getting older and have health issues..  Why can't things be easy!

I know exactly how you feel. My (UK) husband and I (and 2 small kids) went back and forth in our heads for 2 years about this very decision. We struggled with it for some of the same reasons as you.

Every day was full of 'should we or shouldn't we'. We made lists constantly of pros and cons until we were blue in the face. It got so bad that we started to suffer emotionally and physically because the decision-making process was consuming our lives.

Anyway, the only way out of it (for us) was to set education and financial goals. If those goals weren't reached by set date, then we'd have to move to the UK. Well, we reached our goals, which sealed the deal for us to stay in the US.

But I'm sure this beast will rear its ugly head again in the next few years. Anyway, you're not alone! Having this choice is a difficult thing, indeed. Good luck to you.

DH (UKC) and I have always had an agreement that we would move back to the US. We had decided on 2011...he wants out of London before the Olympics. I have until recently been very happy here in the UK. But these days...if we could afford it we would be gone. I am beginning to really look forward to moving back to the US. So we are now working on the goals/finances it will take to make the move.

DH (UKC) and I have always had an agreement that we would move back to the US. We had decided on 2011...he wants out of London before the Olympics. I have until recently been very happy here in the UK. But these days...if we could afford it we would be gone. I am beginning to really look forward to moving back to the US. So we are now working on the goals/finances it will take to make the move.

Life is cheaper in the US. (I mean cost of living wise) Just be healthy if you know what I mean?
I was out of the US, last week, for three days (in Canada) and I was glad to get back.
I need to go to a place where everything is cheaper! (Cuba?)
In your case I wish you could come back to the US for a month so as to see if it is what you want.
Ref. the Olympics. London is so overcrowded now, how can they handle the Olympics?
Well if it is only for 14 days maybe?
I know that DH is from the Carabean and could be a cheaper place but they are suffering now economically for the usual reasons but also the crime thing.
(I know I spelt Carabean wrong but spell checker didn't catch it. Sorry)

We have considered Barbados as a last resort. But DH has never gotten his citizenship there. He is entitled to it, because both his parents are from there...even though he is UKC by birth.

We have been back to US several times in the past couple of years. Even to Orlando where we intend to settle this time. It is strictly a matter of finances. We just don't want to have to be apart for months/years with residences in both places...which we tried back in 2006. So we just have to hang in there...save money here...and hope we can do DCF in 3 years.

We have considered Barbados as a last resort. But DH has never gotten his citizenship there. He is entitled to it, because both his parents are from there...even though he is UKC by birth.

We have been back to US several times in the past couple of years. Even to Orlando where we intend to settle this time. It is strictly a matter of finances. We just don't want to have to be apart for months/years with residences in both places...which we tried back in 2006. So we just have to hang in there...save money here...and hope we can do DCF in 3 years.

How about Bermuda? I think it is very difficult to get in there though.
Florida. Orlando. Plenty of work. Minimum wage jobs?? Plenty of hurricanes?
As you can see the value of the pound is going down right now.
Fortunately you don't have to sell a house!

In our case, the decision was sort of taken out of our hands. My DH (UKC) has been offered a post-doc in the US. That it is in the area where most of my family are made it a no-brainer... especially as it would probably take him quite a while to secure a comparable job in the UK. That said, I have huge reservations about it and fear I will have a harder time adjusting to the US than he will (I've been here 8 years now). It's not an easy choice.

you can never own a house in Bermuda unless you are a citizen..beautiful place though.. 

I think Barbados is the same way in terms of owning property. Property has to remain in certain families. The good news is that one of his cousins has a lot near his parents that he wants to offload. And it is only a few thousand pounds. We just are uncertain about investing in something that we don't intend on living in until we retire.

Thanks for the responses, I think the actual thought of booking tickets made me just panic, I love it here, but thinking back, I loved it in the states (and didn't want to move back to the UK), I am abit of a home-body, love being at home with my kids, thought of uprooting again even if we are going back to our house is a bit of a nightmare, I even have "planned" flying to Orlando and taking the kids to Disney first and then drive to SC, just so I would look forward to something!! I didn't make many friends in the US, I was alittle lazy and worked in a v. small office, but since I have come back to the UK, I have met so many people, know everyone in the local shops etc.. love there daycare and the school my son will start.  But if we decide to stay we would have a big mortgage (in comparison to the US) and would just be working to try and pay for it, where as in the US  are mortgage is so cheap, we could start our own business, which is one of our goals.  I think the guilt of leaving my parents again is really weighing me down, they do come and visit regularly but its still not the same.  Hubbys family, don't seem interested.  I know I need to do whats best for my family but I can't seem to take these rose-tinted glasses off!!

Decided to go with the flow, hubby is sure we'll be alot better off over there, I liked the lifestyle, so I booked the tickets for January, one-way to Orlando £220 each.  Looking forward to taking the kids to Disney.  Just got to keep thinking positive!! 

I'm reading the headline in the news, "Darling thinks things are going to get really dodgy for the UK economy"

Best of luck to you scbrit!     A positive attitude and a loving, supportive partner will work wonders. 

scbrit -- I've really identified with much of what you write, especially in your opening post. I feel like I could have written much of it, and I know that inner struggle between what would be best for me vs. what would be best for my family.

Just wondering....how are things going now? Have you made the move?

Thanks for asking, we have moved back to SC, for me mainly a financial reason as we just couldn't afford the life we would like in the UK.  For hubby there were alot of reasons.  We moved in Jan, went to Disney for 2 weeks then drove back home, our home (which we rented whilst being away) was in really ,really bad shape, so it was a lot of stress fixing it up just to move back in.  The first couple of weeks was a huge culture shock, I hated it and would have loved to have gotten on the first plane to England.  I am more settled now and enjoying the weather and my boys get outside and play so much.  Job situation since we had decided to move back had dive bombed and the paper that usually had 100's jobs now has about 5 per day if any, I was lucky enough to be offered 2 jobs, and have now started work and am settling in. 

My boys (4 & 5) have really settled, when we got to Orlando airport, my 5 yr olds first words were "why is it so clean here"!!! they both love it here, my 5 year old tells us (without us asking) that he likes it much better here because of the beach, big yard, it doesn't rain as much, and the playgrounds are the best!  I am feeling happier than I have in a while, i like my job, love the easy life, miss my 5 weeks off per year and have finally gotten the health care sorted, oh and having a happy hubby makes a big difference.

I guess I am glad we tried England, as I know I could live in either country and my hubby knows he doesn't want to live there permanently, otherwise we would always wonder, the move to England I think was harder on the kids than the move back for some reason, maybe because coming back we have spent more time with them.  Moving a whole family though is so stressful.   

I guess I love both countries for different reasons, broke my parents hearts moving back though, I think the guilt is one of the hardest things.  I am enjoying being here now but for some reason I still cannot imagen me being here when I am older and retired.  My boys going to school will be the next hurdle, hope they can settle and find friends easily.

Have you made any decisions on whether you are going to move?

Angela