LDR-stresses and breakdowns

I am writing this because I can't talk to any of my friends because they don't understand what I am going thru. I know that most of you ladies and men have probably been thru this at one time or another and I just need a place to get it all out. About 3 weeks ago I was refused entry to the UK because of misinformation we recieved from a call center. I was calm through all of that and even calm in the following few weeks when my fiance has been calling different places to find out info for us and a visa and was getting all kinds of wrong information. I cleared all this up by talking to Vicky(she is wonderful) and with the help of my friend Christine I got a play by play and all my questions answered about what I will need to do to apply for it. Now I am waiting to talk to my fiance on Tuesday about all this. But here is where the stressful breakdown part of it comes in...I guess I have been trying for 3 weeks to be positive about the whole thing and try not to think about the fact that my fiance is England and I am still over here in the states...that is just kind of all fell in on me today...Today is my birthday and the one year anniversary of our engagement...we should have been together today but because of circumstances beyond our control we can't  ...and on top of that he is working a lot of overtime and won't be able to call me today just to even say happy birthday...and to make it worse Hurricane Hannah is raging outside with heavy winds and rain adding to my depression...so it all came together and I felt so alone that I brokedown and cried  :\\\'( :\\\'( :\\\'(...and then wonder why we put ourselves thru this pain(even though I know in the end it will be worth it)...It is sooo hard to be in a LDR...it seems like everytime we get closer to being together forever we end up having to take two steps back...whoever thought that being in a LDR when you aren't with that person can make you seem so alone...I feel better now that I cried and I know we will be talking on Tuesday about everything...but right now I just feel alone...does any of this make sense or am I just rambling? I just had to tell someone...thanks for listening

does any of this make sense or am I just rambling? I just had to tell someone...thanks for listening

It makes tonnes of sense! I am glad you feel you can talk here...it is such a difficult situation. It is hard when you feel others can't understand what you are going through. You are right, so many of us have been there...
hang in there, it will be worth it in the end!

Happy Birthday, I am sure your fiancee is thinking of you all day today!

Hey there,

I'm not in a LDR, but I understand the stresses that come with waiting for your "life to begin".

Might not be much, but one day, very soon - all this cr*p will just be a distant memory.  It's amazing how fast our brains can suppress and compartmentalize our pain.

Let it out, have a good cry and scream into the wind - then remember that (1) it will be over eventually and (2) it could always be much much worse.

  HB

HG and HB thank you very much...it is nice to have a place to share my feelings...and I know he is thinking about me constantly like I am with him...but sometimes it just all feels like too much weight...but it will be well worth it in the end...and you are right crying does make you feel better...I am starting to feel better now that I cried and shared my feelings...so thank you so much for the support it means alot 

It may have been over two years since our LDR became a real marriage when I moved to the UK, but I can totally understand how you feel. We were LDR for over 2 years...two long years including DH missing the birth of his only child. But it will be over one day...then you will have every day problems to deal with...like too much month at the end of the money, too tired because of overtime...and the never ending immigration system. Good luck and PM if you need to talk.

It may have been over two years since our LDR became a real marriage when I moved to the UK, but I can totally understand how you feel. We were LDR for over 2 years...two long years including DH missing the birth of his only child. But it will be over one day...then you will have every day problems to deal with...like too much month at the end of the money, too tired because of overtime...and the never ending immigration system. Good luck and PM if you need to talk.

I agree with Terri!

I remember when we were in an LDR (for 7+ years) and I thought it would never end, we would never be together for good. But then it did, now we are together everyday, and often I take it for granted until I sit and think about how long we've waited. Keep the faith..it'll happen and when it does you'll probably be too busy stressing out over "normal" everyday to fully appreciate it after the initial honeymoon period ends.

I am writing this because I can't talk to any of my friends because they don't understand what I am going thru.

I was lucky enough to avoid the pain of the long distance relationship, but I know how that feels!  I almost went crazy with friends and family telling me not to worry, or to "just explain my situation and they will understand", they meaning the consulate, immigration officers etc.  Ha!  Lucky for you, you have come to the right place, we have all dealt with some aspect of what you are going through!

Take care, and happy belated!

Hugs to you JEP.  I know how you feel.  My husband had his Fiance Visa revoked because of his work for the South African government.  We ended up getting married the following year in Jamaica, and fought the visa process for another two and a half years before I moved here.  Mr. K. is not allowed into the US at all.  No holidays visiting my family, nothing. 

But I am here, and we have finally lived together longer as a married couple than we have lived apart, so we feel like we have won the war, despite some emotionally draining battles against the system.

Long way to say:  Hang in there.  Don't worry about the emotions.  Let them work for you.  And don't quit fighting for what you love.

I just wanted to thank you all...I felt so alone the other night when I brokedown...but I guess I needed to let it out...and it is comforting to know that other people have gone or are going thru the same thing...I don't know what I would have done without this sight...I think part of me is nervous because we have fought so long to be together and somedays it feels like that is never going to happen...but listening to your stories I know it can happen and I can't wait till that day...I have been trying to be positive again about everything...and I love my fiance too much to give up just because we run into a little trouble...thank you all for being there and the support...it really does mean alot...you guys rock!!! 

I'm really sorry and I know how hard it can be to sit there and wonder how in the world are you going to sort it all out.  I hope you are seeing a light at the end of the tunnel now, and I hope you are feeling better.   

I'm just seeing this now. I completely understand how much it sucks when you're just trying to be together. I would have felt the same way in your shoes. ((((hugs))))

Happy Belated Birthday!

Glad things are looking brighter for you today. Don't ever feel bad about sharing your feelings, it does help I think sometimes to just get it all out and cry if you need to. I know there are days when the distance seems impossible, but I also know how much I love my bf and every minute I have with him. I like UKY because I see all of the people that have made it through the hurdles and are together now, so it gives me that hope. My friends or family don't "get it" either so I don't ever share much with them. I'm glad you are comfortable with people here and can get encouragement and support. Sorry your birthday wasn't what you hoped it would be this year, I am certain next year you will be right where you want to be in life.   

yeah things are definitely brighter...a good cry helped and trying to be positive again...and all the support has been great...it is nice to share with people who understand and don't think that you are crazy 

JEP,

Your post made me cry. It really tugged at my heart. Even though my BF made it thru customs and is here with me until February, I can imagine how you are feeling.
Maybe because I've lived thru that scenario, in my mind, so many times. And because we were apart for so long.

Please hang in there. Try to be positive. Next birthday and anniversary will be wonderful. Together. And there will be many more.

Much love and positivity being sent your way.

Andrea xxx

T.A.L
Thank you so much...things are doing better...we have talked and we have a plan. Although it means I have to stay here in Pa until next year...but I have a chance to earn some money and save up while I am home..and I know at the end of all of it we will be together...it just does get stressful and hard sometimes...but I am doing better now..he misses me so much he might be coming over to visit me in a few weeks...

I am glad your man gets to be with you till February and I hope you have a great time...this whole relationship has taught me not to take things for granted...especially time with him...