The deciding factor...

DF and I decided I would move because the visa process to the US just seemed too long of a wait.  Is that bad?  I try to be positive about it though.  Its a great opportunity.  How many people my age get to live more than a few months in a different country?  I LOVED it while I was there and although I know living there is different from visiting, its still an experience that I'll be able to tell my children about.  As for coming back, we haven't really discussed that yet.  I think we will once I get settled in and spend a few years there.  Who knows, I might like it so much that I wouldn't want to move back.

Plus, I got a fortune cookie the other day.  The fortune said, "You will step on the soil of many countries".  How awesome is that?!  Yeah, I look at stuff like that too Call me crazy.

Chris, that is so cool! I loved Herman's Hermits...and was a real sucker for anything Liverpudlian. (It is a coincidence that my husband was born near Liverpool.) Are you still in touch with your penpal, or have a desire to look her up?

DF and I decided I would move because the visa process to the US just seemed too long of a wait.  Is that bad? 

Oops.  I actually forgot about that.  Definitley the OTHER reason we decided I would move to the UK. There was nothing really holding me to the US...why go through months/years of hassle and expense to bring DH over?   

We didn't have much choice.  Because we are a gay couple, I have no right to sponsor my partner for US immigration.  She does not count as a family member of any kind.  (And no, unfortunately it wouldn't matter even if we got married in Canada or Massachussetts.  The "Defense of Marriage Act" defines marriage as one man and one woman for Federal matters such as taxes and immigration.  So the government can rest easy, knowing that American society is successfully defended from the horrible threat posed by a little fat dyke from New Jersey, and her English girlfriend who simply want to live together in peace.)

So my options were to pull up my roots and take off for the UK, giving up my career in the process; ask my partner to give up her career as an opera star and move illegally to the US; or endure a transatlantic relationship for what might be decades.  A no-brainer, really.  But due to the problems with the Unmarried Partner rule on the UK end, all the decisions involved had to be made very quickly so we could get our 2 years started.

Even now, when we enter the US for a visit, my partner has to be careful not to say anything that would make US immigration officers suspect she is involved in a gay relationship with an American, despite the fact that we both live in the UK and have no plans to ever move to the United States.  Until 1991 (I think), homosexuality was a reason for instant deportation as an "undesireable."  Although that's been changed, INS officials (or whatever they are called now) tend to assume that the foreign partner of an American citizen is "really" there trying to illegally settle in the United States, rather than simply to see the sights in New York.

I know I'm always ranting about this...sorry...it just makes me so angry.  I do not mind that I left my country and I actually like it better living here.  But I do feel that my hand was unfairly forced.

Even now, when we enter the US for a visit, my partner has to be careful not to say anything that would make US immigration officers suspect she is involved in a gay relationship with an American, despite the fact that we both live in the UK and have no plans to ever move to the United States.  Until 1991 (I think), homosexuality was a reason for instant deportation as an "undesireable."  Although that's been changed, INS officials (or whatever they are called now) tend to assume that the foreign partner of an American citizen is "really" there trying to illegally settle in the United States, rather than simply to see the sights in New York.

I know I'm always ranting about this...sorry...it just makes me so angry.  I do not mind that I left my country and I actually like it better living here.  But I do feel that my hand was unfairly forced.

  Dont worry about ranting hon.I dont blame you for being  . We have a start in the States with Massachusetts passing the  gay marriage law,but I know its a long road,and wont change how all people feel and act.Just gotta do what we can .

 

 

Wow! Good luck Tholian!   

successfully defended from the horrible threat

The USA's losing you is very much a gain for us Brits, dear Tholian!

Howard

Tholian's story is a very compelling one. Sadly it's more and more common. It probalby merits a thread all to itself.

One of my best friend's is the editor of the Washinton Blade, the gay newspaper in Washington, DC. This is by no means to belittle what Tholian told us, but this is how bad it can get:

"Unfortunately, this is a very common problem. We've run a lot of stories about situations like this [I had told him about Tholian], including recently a US-Iranian couple that applied for asylum here b/c his family in iran found out he's gay. He faces
jail, abuse, possibly death if he is forced to return.  A federal judge in baltimore declined his asylum application and told them to "prove" to him that they're gay. It's on appeal, but they're really desperate."

This upsets me so much it makes me sick and ashamed of my country.

Tholian's story is a very compelling one. Sadly it's more and more common. It probalby merits a thread all to itself.

One of my best friend's is the editor of the Washinton Blade, the gay newspaper in Washington, DC. This is by no means to belittle what Tholian told us, but this is how bad it can get:

"Unfortunately, this is a very common problem. We've run a lot of stories about situations like this [I had told him about Tholian], including recently a US-Iranian couple that applied for asylum here b/c his family in iran found out he's gay. He faces
jail, abuse, possibly death if he is forced to return.  A federal judge in baltimore declined his asylum application and told them to "prove" to him that they're gay. It's on appeal, but they're really desperate."

This upsets me so much it makes me sick and ashamed of my country.

Holy crap!  How does one prove they're gay?  I'm not sure that I could PROVE that I'm straight!   

Holy crap!  How does one prove they're gay?  I'm not sure that I could PROVE that I'm straight!   

Dunno. I'd like to think it's just prove they've been living together, seen together as a couple, etc. but I suspect it may be more than that.

Yeah, probably the judge wanted to see proof of commitment to the relationship and stuff like that.  But my God, how insulting and degrading to be subjected to that when one is already in fear of one's life.

You'd think that given that Iran is part of the so-called 'axis of evil' the US would cut a bit of slack to someone who clearly wants to get the hell out of there. I've asked my friend for the link to the story. Will post it when I get it.

More and more lately I find myself saying to myself--"It is a sad day to be an American."  Not that everything about the US is bad but when you read/hear about things like this it just makes me all the more sure that I don't want to go back.

I am always reminded of the lines of the poem on the statue of Liberty when I hear about US immigration law...

With silent lips. “Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”

 

but when you read/hear about things like this it just makes me all the more sure that I don't want to go back

  Gald someone else feels that way! Iam going to quote everyone saying this and show it to ppls who think Iam a nutter for feeling that way 

Even now, when we enter the US for a visit, my partner has to be careful not to say anything that would make US immigration officers suspect she is involved in a gay relationship with an American

Don't ask, don't tell, huh?
The really sad thing is that the person who came up with that is probably pretty darn proud of the concept.