First Day of Autumn

Well google reminded me it's the first day of autumn today, and autumn to me is a beautiful time, my favourite season.

Do you ever get over losing someone suddenly?

It will be 5 years on bonfire night since my beautiful, wonderful, gorgeous, lovely, kind, sweethearted, talented friend walked out of an argument with her mum and never came back. We all sat and waited and laughed it off for 3 days sure she was on someone's sofa somewhere or had snuck back to uni and was hiding in her halls watching dvds under a duvet...but she hadn't.

I'm 25 and she isn't and wont ever be and I miss her, I want to ask her what she thinks of my DB, if she's proud of my new job, I want her to walk in in turquoise platform heels and a knitted purple scarf always trying to hide how gorgeous she was and towards the end, how thin.

I haven't thought about her for months and I feel so guilty and suddenly her absence just hit me like a train, like I wanted the pain of missing her everyday to fade, and now it has I feel so guilty, like I'm forgetting her. 
And I still don't understand why. I just don't understand.

I'm sorry :/ I didn't know who to talk to about it all and I remembered this section and I don't know. sorry.

I hope in time it will hurt less, but I am glad you remember her.

Oh, hon.  *squeezes you*

No, I don't think you ever get over losing someone - suddenly or no - but I do think it gets easier to cope with the loss over time, and I personally think that our loved ones would want us to hurt less as time goes by, you know?

Don't feel guilty for living your life - because that's what you're doing, and our loved ones wouldn't want us to do anything less. 

She was such a summer person, in winter she used to put shorts and sunglasses on and turn up the heating and pretend it was summer and we'd all go around and just laugh at her as she made ice lollies out of orange juice and lemonade.
She was outside for three days and I keep thinking she must have been so cold and she hated being cold. I know that sounds stupid because, well she was dead, but I don't like to think of her being cold and on her one.

I don't know, I know she'd take my hands and spin me around and point out everything that is good and wonderful and lovely and tell me to go be happy for both of us because she was like that even towards the end when she was so distant she was still always ours and always wonderful.

It seems to be hard this year, as hard as the first year when I couldn't get it out of my head that she was just at uni and we would meet up at xmas.
It feels like the first big milestone, 5 years, I just...19 is so young maybe at 25 I'm just realising that.

*bleep*, i'm sorry, I don't know, I find it hard talking out loud to people who knew her or didn't know here, no one ever knows what to say, I guess because there's nothiing good to say

ahhh, sorry.

For some reason I only just stumbled across this post. I just want to let you know you arn't alone. If you ever need someone to talk too or vent too I'd be glad to talk. I know kind of what you're going through...after the sudden and tragic loss of my sister coming up on 2 years ago. The month before, the month of and the month after November are just dreaded months for me. The smell of the weather and the crisp air and everything just brings you back to a time you never want to relive. I'm already starting on that downwhirl path the closer we get to Oct. Staying up really late, having anxiety, not really sleeping sound, when I do sleep I have weird dreams, just feeling down and depressed.

There's nothing anyone can say to you to make it better atleast that's my stance on it. It's been almost 2 years now and people still say "im so sorry for your loss" and it's just kind of like "thank you" but at the same time what's the right response? It's nice knowing people are there and are supportive but unless you've lived through something similar I don't think you can be there for someone 100%. The May following my sisters death my best friends brother was murdered. I know that we were meant to be friends but never knew why...and after that I realized why. I think I'm just rambling now...but really I just wantd to let you know that if you ever need someone to talk too or just have someone listen I'm here.

*hugs*