Groom's Father Escorting the Bride?

My family won't be able to attend the registry office ceremony when my fiance and I get married. My mother is deceased and my father and I aren't incredibly close...although, if he could make it, for the sake of tradition, I would have him escort me down the aisle (if they do it that way in registry office ceremonies).

Recently, FMIL has been helping sort things out regarding the wedding. She and FFIL are helping us by funding most of the wedding (since I don't have financial support on my end) and I think it's incredibly generous of them and couldn't be more grateful. Last week on the way to my dress fitting she suggested that since my father couldn't be there, perhaps FFIL could escort me. I hadn't thought much about it before as I planned on just walking on my own. This is only more symbollic of how I have achieved most things in life...milestones of graduating HS and University - my dad never came / moving a long distance from home without parental guidance or support. I've done it all on my own I'm very proud to be so independent. I've always thought in the back of my head that if anyone ever offered to walk me, besides my own dad (again, for the sake of tradition and the fact that he IS my father) I would politely decline.

Now I'm worried. Will my future in-laws take this as an insult or that I am some head-strong American who doesn't want their help? Has anyone else had a situation similar to this -- and what did you do?

My biggest worry would be disappointing everyone and even possibly insulting my fiance by not accepting his parents' offer. I mentioned my concerns to him already and he has expressed that he doesn't see what the big deal is and doesn't know why I just don't let his dad do it since he has offered.

Grr. I just don't know what to do. 

Just a thought...what if, both his parents walked in with both of you - all as a family together? 

at my registry office wedding, there was no "walking down the aisle" as such- the registrar called us both in together before the ceremony to confirm our details for the register, and then the doors were opened to let our guests in while we took our places up front.  I'm not sure I could have walked down the aisle if I wanted to!

Just my thoughts based upon being incredibly close to my in-laws, but sometimes it is just really worth the effort to bend. I don't particularly enjoy going to church but it really meant ALOT to my MIL when I went with her. Unfortunately DD started acting up too much so we don't get to do that together anymore. But we do still shop together.

Like you since I left home I have never been able to rely upon my own family for support and am not close to them. But if you allow them sometimes in-laws will envelop you and heal some of those hurts.

If you need any incentive there is an article on Yahoo today about the importance of grandparents in the lives of children: http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20080930/lf_nm_life/us_grandparents.

I think that would be a really nice idea, and as Terri has said it will probably mean a lot to him, and cement that fact that they are your family now.  However, it is your wedding, and if you don't feel comfortable with it, then don't do it.  It would be unusual, so I can't see how they would be offended.  Just make it clear that you were chuffed that they offered, but that you will be okay doing it on your own.

Vicky

If walking in on your own is important to you, then do that. It's your wedding.

At our registry wedding, my husband and I chose to walk down the aisle together, because it emphasised the fact that from then on would be sharing our lives together.

For myself, I don't like the idea of the groom waiting at the end of the aisle for the bride to be "given" to him, but to each their own.

I really appreciate the responses so far. I don't know what my decision will be in the end still, but I've gotten some new perspectives and new ideas on what to do. I realize that it is my wedding as well, but I love both his parents and I just don't want them to be offended in the end if I decline the offer. I know most likely wouldn't be...they're amazing people.

I think I've just been overwhelmed because it's taken so much just to get me here and up until now, FH and I haven't really gotten into an "in depth" discussion since we have SO much on our plate. He was made redundant at work, because of the economy, week before last...this after we FINALLY decided we had enough saved to set a date [25 October]. My money had finally completed transfer from the states and arrived in his account. We had bills sorted out and weren't in the rears at all -- aside from having to borrow from the money I transferred (which was originally earmarked for my FLR(M)) to pay a month's rent. I'm so depressed that I can't even help financially now and I feel like I'm only furthering the financial drain by not being able to work and contribute.

Now, because of this, we just stopped discussing wedding plans until he's back at work and we know what's coming in and when. Then, last Wednesday, his mom offered to use what was left from their recent holiday in Austria to help me get a dress. We ended up finding one for only 50 quid!! Next thing I know, it all just started coming full force with planning and then she adds that they want to help us pay for the wedding part so we can get married before the remaining 4 mos. on my visa. I'm ecstatic about this, but like I said, because we weren't counting on being able to do as much and she's talking a bridesmaid dress for his sister and a tux for her fiance (who is also FH's best mate)...then it's where is the reception going to be held (we weren't planning on a reception...just a dinner out with family and something bigger later when we're both working maybe)...and the icing on the cake was when she mentioned this about his dad escorting me (which I can't imagine any offer more generous).

I do want to say that before anyone gets the idea that I am not completely appreciative of all of this, let me say that is NOT the case. I'm just the opposite and quite overstimulated at all the attention and suggestions. I think I was just hoping for a bit of time to make up my mind, so I thought why not pose the question here and see what feedback I could get. And everyone has always been wonderful and a great help on UKY anyway.

So yeah, I just rambled on there I realize now, hehe. Not like I have to give a decision tomorrow or anything, but it's nice to see the other options out there and how I could tactfully handle the situation either way.

Sheesh...I can't even imagine the stress of planning an ACTUAL "traditional" ceremony.

It is really great of them to help out like this. And think of it this way...the sooner you are married, the sooner you can work and help out.

It is really great of them to help out like this. And think of it this way...the sooner you are married, the sooner you can work and help out.

It's WONDERFUL of them and they rank #1 on my Premium Human Beings list. And yes, I am SOOOOO friggin anxious to be legal to work it's unbelievable.

My FFIL is going to walk me down the aisle.  I don't think it was even discussed, he was SO EXCITED about his son and I getting married he nearly jumped out of his chair and said "I will be the proudest man in England to walk my new daughter down the aisle." 
I do love them, they are wonderful people and have been so supportive.  And I haven't had a dad for several years.  Being escorted by my "new dad" is perfect for us.

But LoveMyBrit, in a calm moment when you're feeling relaxed and not so stressed, you'll know what's right for you.  And it will be a beautiful wedding because it's yours and your love's.  What a happy occasion!    

My FFIL is going to walk me down the aisle.  I don't think it was even discussed, he was SO EXCITED about his son and I getting married he nearly jumped out of his chair and said "I will be the proudest man in England to walk my new daughter down the aisle." 

Awe! that just gave me a warm and fuzzy smile! thats so sweet!

LoveMyBrit....I know it must be awkward..but brit oldies are sticklers for the way things are "supposed" to be done.  I would have a chat with your future husband and suggest maybe you walk down the isle together.  In honesty..I had a registry wedding..and..altho my father walked me down the "isle" the it was probably only about 4 meters as they had me enter from the front side of the congregation..

If you're that close to them and get along with them so well, could you have a talk with your FMIL and just say that you're torn between the two choices and explain why? Have you explained to your fiance why it's so important to you to walk down the aisle by yourself?

I talked more with FH yesterday, after reading him all these responses too, and we both came up with something that we think will fit our situation the best. After everything I pointed out yesterday about my independence, etc. we think maybe it will be quite symbolic for him to just meet me halfway down the aisle (if there is one) and walk with me the rest of the way. This would symbolize how we have both been separated until this point, but have met halfway and are going to be together from here on out.

It was a bit of a spinoff from sweetpeach's idea...but thank you to everyone. All the suggestions were a big help. xx

That sounds like a really good idea! I didn't even think about walking down the isle, like you said it's a whirlwind and so much is going on you can't even concentrate! I had a registry wedding and I walked down an isle. I was waiting in the room to be called on my own when my FIL came in and it just kinda happened. I was a bit thrown off, because I thought I was walking on my own but I didn't mind that he was there, it was a nervous moment that went so fast. I just thought it was sweet he felt I shouldn't be on my own and that he wanted to walk me down to his son. I don't think in the end I would've minded either way, but I am glad he did.  For me Lovemybrit I feel the same as you, I did a lot on my own, but if him doing that gester symbolised anything it was the fact that I am part of the family now, cared about and supported no longer on my own. I hope you have a wonderful day! x

I'm glad you worked something out!