I watch too many romantic movies!

surprisingly I didn't panic....I guess I knew that if I had been longer than say, 10-15 minutes, Tim would have gotten up and come forward to see what was wrong.  It was a little embarrassing having half the train know I was stuck, though!

ak,

Beth - re add me to your yahoo? I didn't even know I had yahoo signed off, and when I signed it in, I accidentally hit cancel!

Life is just full of adventure isnt it Becca!  What a good story though

I am feeling extra extra impatient for my upcoming visit - more than normal - its like I am desperately missing him eventhough I know I will see him in a few days and I'm just feeling "off"...  but then on top of that, I'm already dreading when I have to come back home.  I guess I am having one of those "how much longer can I do this to myself!?!?!" days.   

Seriously ladies - how often do you think you have these kind of days?  Do you ever think that maybe YOU arent cut out for THIS? Like maybe other people can handle the distance and the "one day it will be different", but what if I am not one of those people?

Carey, I've been experiencing those days a lot lately.  But it's not that I don't think I can handle the distance anymore, I just don't want to.  And it's tearing me apart.

I mean, really, my life here isn't thrilling....and the more and more I look at things, the more I realise that people could give a crud about my happiness and whatnot and me.  So, I long to be with my fiance and in England already. 

And my best friend, who was so upset when I told her I would be moving to England, told me last night "I honestly think you'll be extremely happy in England.  And even though it's going to hurt like hell when you leave, it hurts even worse to see you upset and unhappy. If I were in your shoes, I would leave to be with the man I loved as well."

*sighs*

Is it March yet?

And my best friend, who was so upset when I told her I would be moving to England, told me last night "I honestly think you'll be extremely happy in England.  And even though it's going to hurt like hell when you leave, it hurts even worse to see you upset and unhappy.

That is exactly what my mom says.  "I cannot watch you cry anymore", she said.  I dont want to cry anymore, either!!

Apparently my plans for next week just changed and now (until he changes his mind again) I will be headed straight from a rugby game (woo!) to some party.  What the hell does one wear that is suitable at rugby and at a party!?  Boys just don't understand these issues, do they?

I feel like that right at this moment Carey...everyone is getting to go visit their fiances and boyfriends for Christmas (and I am happy for you all don't think I am not, but here I am not able to go to England and visit because of my refusal...I feel like I am in limbo now between here and there. I love being with my family and friends but my heart is in England with Jason...I agree with you Patty...life isn't thrilling anymore...I ready to start my life in England...I think it is partly because the holidays are here and we can't be together...it could be that because he has been busy and I have we haven't gotten to talk in awhile...and for the first time I just feel so alone...I try to think positively but today is one of those days that I don't....sometimes I wonder how much more I can put myself thru....

I guess I need to cheer myself up by watching a sappy romantic movie lol

*hands Josy an oar*

Might as well, since we're in the same boat.  *hugs*  I know exactly what you're feeling.  And life just keeps throwing lemons at Ian and I.  It's like we can't win, but our love for each other keeps us fighting.  Ladies, we just have to keep fighting....

And maybe watching a romcom isn't a good idea, Josy......they even talked about the BBC article on this popular morning radio show here...and I immediately though of you ladies.

Carey, dah'ling...I think maybe some nice trousers and a jumper (OOH!  So British there!) would work for the rugby to party outfit?  What do you think?

Josy and Patty - I am sorry to be all "boo hoo" when I get to see David in 6 days.  That is selfish of me and thats crap. It just becomes a routine that I am afraid I will never get out of:  hype yourself up for the visit, spend less than a week together in my case, go home, pout for weeks, begin countdown to next visit.  It takes it toll as I am sure you all agree, and there is a part of me that just wants to jump ship and pretend that I could be happy without him, but I know I would never be.  I know I sound so dramatic and no one else seems to understand ... I wonder if David even undertands?... anyway, if I havent said it before, thanks for being here ladies. Its an enormous help.

On a happier note: You're right Patty - I think some dark jeans, comfortable heeled boots and a jumper will do for rugby/party. Then I'll just get pissed at the rugby game and not care if the girls at the party hate me. woo!

I agree that a romcom is a bad idea in our current states Josy... I think I'll go home (in three LONG hours) and watch some Dr. Phil I've got on TiVo. 

Jamie, can either you or Alan tell us a happy story for today?  Please.

Any chance boys have these "i miss her" conversations with their mates? ... 

Carey, NEVER apologise for feeling the way you do, hon.  I completely understand how you feel though.  Thankfully, visits with Ian have been around 2 weeks at a time, and we speak on web cam 5 nights a week, so it's not like I NEVER see him.

But, with the back and forth for a year now, and a wedding around the corner, I think it's just taking it's toll on me.  And you shouldn't have to "jump ship" Carey, because even though times are difficult, there IS an end that will happen....whether it's in sight or not at the moment.

I'm grateful for you ladies, because no one else really understands what we go through.  So thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Annndd...I don't know if guys have these sort of conversations with their mates.  I know Ian will sometimes talk with a co-worker of his about me, and his co-worker says "Why isn't Patty just here already?!"  Wish it were that simple.

Great job spelling apologize with an S Patty!  You're going to be an awesome Brit!

lol.....thanks, Carey.  *hugs*

Alright Carey....funny story? We were leaving to go out for a moment and right after we pulled out of our driveway and went down the block I sucked in a deep breath and said aaahh!! He said, whilst swerving, "what what did you forget something??" I said NO YOU ALMOST HIT HIM....of course I thought they were both driving on the wrong side of the road...LOL whooops.

when am I ever going to get used to THAT?? According to my head and my american
sense of direction I almost died like 3 times in the past few days...

Jamie thanks for the laugh...we needed it today....

And I took all your advice and didn't watch a romance movie tonight lol ...I did other things to keep my mind occuppied...and Carey never feel sorry for how you feel...we have all gone thru the same thing and are currently going thru the same thing...I think I am just a little more upset these days because we had 6 great months together and now I am stuck here...and he is being a stupid boy right now...he is busy with work I can guarantee it...but I was supposed to talk to him Monday Dec 8th and I still haven't gotten a hold of him...I have left voicemails and emails and he can't find five minutes to email me...I left him a voicemail the other day that said "if you are busy with work just tell me you are ...if by some chance you are mad at me the rules state you have to tell me lol"....I just wish for once my fiance was the type of guy that wanted to talk 2 or 3 times a week...going for weeks without hearing from him...and hearing from all my friends in England that they seem him on a regular basis and he misses me just doesn't cut it...I think it is the time of year to...I probably just need a good cry and then I will be fine hehe...it is just that we are so close to the new year and reapplying...and I want to be over in England as soon as possible...and I don't want him to overthink it and think since we have hit a few walls in the past that this possibly won't work...it is just stress and it will pass...

I do appreciate having you ladies and gentleman to talk to...and I love hearing everyones stories and sharing things with everyone who comes in this room...it is very therapuetic (sp?)....you are all good friends...even though I haven't met any of you...and it is nice to know that I am not the only one who gets upset or has these feelings....

Jamie please be very careful crossing the street...it took me 6 months to get it right and almost dying twice lol

Hi ladies,

I'm feeling the exact same recently.  Even though I'll be with my boyfriend in a week, it's getting harder and harder to take.  I feel like the holidays have a lot to do with it for me.  My family isn't exactly willing to take part in holiday traditions anymore.  I have always been the one to cook/clean/etc. for holidays, since I was 9 years old, and this year especially it's just getting to the point where I dont' want to be forcing people to comply for Christmas, I want people to be willing to have traditions.

At the same time, my boyfriend, who is basically a giant kid at heart, is getting ready to go through this first Christmas since his father died.  He's 25.  His ma died when he was 12, his da died a few months ago.  He feels like he had nothing left to hold onto, and I can tell it's really bothering him around Christmas.

It's so frustrating to know that eventually we can have Christmas traditions, and willingly keep them every year.  I can't wait to be able to try my hardest to make sure his holidays don't suck, which is something that I feel like he's not getting at the moment.  However, it's crushing to know that I'll be waiting two and a half more years before this can happen.

I know that I'm willing to wait as long as it takes, but at the same time...it hurts so bad to be away from the one person who means the world to you when you know they need you just as bad as you need them.

...didn't mean for this to be so long.  Guess it's just one of those days.

Cheer up, ladies.  We'll all make it. 

Jamie-  I've gotten used to it so that when I'm watching a US show, I think THAT'S backwards.

Carey...I WISH my mom was so undestanding.  She basically threw a giant fit that I'm staying here through New Year's and tells me that if I move here she'll have to move into a nursing home (to which I say WTF? she's healthy and only 60). Some guilt trip, eh?