How long did it take you to make friends in the UK?

Mrs. R. is one of those lovely British girlfriends....

Awwww. 

My hubby has loads of friends and can't wait to introduce them to me.  I've already been talking to some of his friends and they all seem like nice guys.  Let it be said though, 98% of his friends are guys.  Almost all the girls he "associates" with are his friend's girlfriends or wives.  Here in America, most of my friends are guys...but that's just because of the area I live in.  Most of the women here are stuck-up and obsessed with getting their nails and hair done.  Yes, I like to look nice...but I can also thros on some old clothes and go outside playing football (the American type...lol) with the guys...or sit around drinking beer and watching games on the tube.  Not many girls where I live who like to do that.  Anyway, I'm very outgoing and I've never had problems making new friends, so I'm looking forward to building up my own friendships (although I'm sure I'll get on with my hubby's friends just fine...I still want my OWN!). 

As for the comment about British women being cold and closed-off...I haven't met many British women so I can't speak to that...but I would assume it's just like anywhere else in the world, you're going to run into all types.  I'm sure if you live in or near a "posh" city, you are going to run into people that are more "stuck up" (as a general rule).  Just like in America...if you go to New York City, you are going to be snubbed a lot quicker by women than you would be if you went to a small town in Georgia.  American stereotype of Southern Hospitality that is lacking in the North.  Don't get all offended by that statement...just a generalization that people think is true of American, whether it is or not.  Doesn't mean you won't meet nice women in New York City, or be treated well by a Southern Belle.  I'm sure British women are the same.  Though I can say that my husband and his friends say that American women are much more friendly and down-to-earth than British women.  Of course, that is just THEIR opinion.

Anyway, I'm hoping to meet lots of fun British women when I get over there...I need some good shopping buddies!

Hmmm, I work just around the corner from your office .

Do you like beer?

 

(Other alcohol is acceptable too!)


Vicky

I think it took me six months to a year to make friends and then maybe another couple of years to become/find good friends.  It's possible though.  Most of my old friends (OK, all of my old friends) I met through toddler groups and the NCT.  And nearly twenty years later I'm still really good friends with a lot of those women.  And I'm still good acquaintances with a lot more of them.  I also made good friends standing outside the school gates and picking up and dropping off kids.  I didn't gel with everyone I was friendly with and I had a few stop/starts but overall I didn't find people unfriendly.  It's just that a lot of people already have a friend base.
I found the same thing when I started work.  I made 'friends' right away but it took a couple of years for them to become good friends.  Now I consider some of those people my really good friends-but again I'm not friends with everybody there-not because they're unfriendly but just because we're too different. 
My best friends though are people I met through UKY.  I don't know why, really.  Common sense of humour?  Similar educations?  Same pop references?   I have no idea.  I don't think it's because they're American but maybe it is.

I've met a lot of people through our neighborhood, and through my children and their school.  I've even met a few people just by seeing them out walking their dogs in the park routinely.  Most of these people are just acquaintances, but some have become friends.  I don't know how to answer your question as to how long it took because I can't remember precisely at what point they changed from being acquaintances to friends.

My next door neighbors are lovely people.  We have little in common but I met them before we even moved in and warmed to them right away.  They've always been kind to me, and gone out of their way to greet me and ask how things were going.  Sometimes the quick chat I had with one of them over the back fence was the only adult contact I had in a day!

I remember feeling lonely and left out for a while at the school gates, and then I was able to overcome my shyness and found a few mothers who wanted to be friends.  By the end of the first year, a new mother turned up at the school gates and was ignored and excluded as I had been when I arrived.  I approached her and invited her and her daughter over to my house.  She has become one of my best friends here.

When new people moved into the house over the road, I made them some muffins and went over to introduce myself.  I also gave them one of my Dominos coupons to order a pizza and we've been friends ever since!  Sometimes the best way to make friends is to look for other people who need friends.

I live in a small town, and small towns can be insular and provincial and perhaps harder places to make friends.  On the other hand, in a small town I tend to keep coming across the same people everywhere so maybe that's made it easier to make friends.  If I had waited for other American friends or international friends, or people who really understood and could relate to my situation, then I would still be waiting.  Those are thin on the ground in my neighborhood.  It's a good thing I can talk to them online!

I've been here 8 years and have had a hard time making good friends. BUT that is largely due to the fact my husband and I have moved around a LOT - almost a move a year. That has done neither of us - and he's British - any favors.

I started to make a few friends after the birth of my kids, but moving away from them has already showed me that those friendships were fleeting. They were good while I had them though! Just not lifers if you know what I mean.

I didn't gel with everyone I was friendly with and I had a few stop/starts but overall I didn't find people unfriendly.  It's just that a lot of people already have a friend base.
I found the same thing when I started work.  I made 'friends' right away but it took a couple of years for them to become good friends.

I definitely find this to be true, especially about the friend base.  It all just takes time...  Even if I wish sometimes I would have that instant click with someone!

Yes, I wondered the same. 

I don't understand what is wrong with people giving constructive help and advice to those who are struggling?  I was appreciative of the help and support given me on here when I was struggling.  I don't understand the 'superiority' reference at all.  I think this thread has been really nice & mostly respectful, which is about all you can ask.

I think constructive help and advice is great!  I have gotten loads of help here, which is why I keep coming back after spurts of running away in irritation.  But I really don't want to get into another one of those threads, so all I am going to say is that I had another round with the good old ignore function, and resolved any issues I had myself, and I'm sorry to have caused a ruckus!

I introduced my husband to my friends brother and his mates.  Although they all get along and meet up once a week...he felt as tho they were friends with him out of courtesy to me ( which is not the case ) but that's how he felt.  He has another circle of friends now that he met through one guy at a Military PTSD group 54 miles away from our home but this guy turned out to live literally around the corner!!...who in turn has introduced him to further ex-military servicemen and they are all like peas in a pod.  Its taken since May.  He would still not say they are best friends or anything as he is new to them, but he has the foundations there now to start building a great relationship with them.  It takes a little extra time and effort when you are a newbie in any group of people, no matter what nationality your from.

I would suggest going to a group of your interest or need and see if you can relate to other members.

There is a generally cold, miserable air in London, but up north and in Scotland it is very different. In Glasgow, by gum, you can barely avoid having silly conversations with strangers! I felt right at home with that. Whether it makes it easier to make friends I don't know, but it was quite fun. Lastly, I find British women quite cold, although I do observe them being very nice and warm to one another- it's just never extended to me.

Thank you for mentioning the regional differences. I had forgotten to ask everyone where they were settled in the UK as that makes a huge difference. Your experience is relevant to me as I will be applying for school in London, so again, thank you 

I've lived in the UK for five and a half years and have found it very difficult to make friends, but I suspect the situation would be the same anywhere for me (I'm quite shy, don't have any hobbies, and don't like going to pubs!).  My husband has a few acquaintances through work, but most of his friends moved away after university while he stayed.  I find Norwich quite insular; many of the people I work with have worked there for 30+ years, went to school together, etc..  There's also a lot of cattiness and gossip, so I haven't been able to form any friendships.  I do feel very lonely and wish I had friendships of the same caliber that I had as an undergraduate, but I wonder if I've changed too much to make that possible. 

From the sound of it, it seems as though it is more difficult to make friends in the UK versus the US. I suppose it depends on where in the UK you're living in, but in your experience, how long did it take you to make friends in the UK? How did you meet them? School? Work? Etc?

By the way, I just want to make sure that every knows what I meant by my first sentence was that from what I have gathered people in the UK usually stick with their long-time friends they met from school, work, etc. So therefore it is difficult to break into groups and be accepted. Not that this is specific to the UK.

Thank you everyone for your input! This helps those like me who wish to visit and or live in the UK someday!

Also, another question pertaining to a frequent theme in this post that British women have been mentioned as slow about opening up but not as much has been mentioned about British men. I've also noticed that there are a lot of tomboys on here so for you have you made more British male friends rather than girlfriends?

I've also noticed that there are a lot of tomboys on here so for you have you made more British male friends rather than girlfriends?

I tend to make male friends quicker than female due to my tomboy-ish interests (ie video games, comics, etc)    But at the moment as far as counting only my british friends, its about an even split. 

Also, i've found it easier to make friends with other foreigners.  My best friend here is polish. 

I've also noticed that there are a lot of tomboys on here so for you have you made more British male friends rather than girlfriends?

Interestingly enough, I've normally been friends with boys, especially in Uni, all my friends were male (still friends with them) but for some reason, here almost all are female.  Not sure why the switch, just worked out that way.

Speaking for myself (BRIT) I wouldn't say Brit women are cold or unfriendly.  I think thats a huge generalization.  I have friends that are all sorts of Nationalities.  Polish, French, Estonian, Scottish, Welsh, American! I will say however that I do not tend to mix with work colleagues very often.  This is not due to being cold towards them.  They are great people..I just keep work and home life seperate.  I have been friends with work collegues to my own detriment in previous employment and it does not work for me because they have either shown themselves up at work and their behaviour was reflected on me to as I was their "friend"..so I would rather not get too pally pally with them...Doesn't mean I don't like to go out for after work drinks tho   

I would love to!  Several of the ladies (and a few of the chaps) on UKY know I am ALWAYS up for a few beers after work.

 

Vicky

What area are you in?  I think I might be too far away... but if we ever travel over to your side of things, I would love to meet you sometime!