How long did it take you to make friends in the UK?

In Ink's defense, I have met many young girls that I work with and that work where DH does that behave that way and aren't afraid to freely talk about it. I won't say all or even the majority but a lot.

Oh absolutely they exist. But they exist in the US too - and I think given that this is a thread about making friends in the UK, people naturally are assuming that Ink is suggesting it's a UK based thing and has stood in the way of her making friends here....

To be honest, I havent really made any "proper" friends since ive been here. and Ive been here since 2005!

Sure, I had "work friends" when I worked an a office,but once I left the company, I never spoke to them again

And of course I am "friends" with my partners friends.

And I do have a lot of aquantiances in the (tattoo) industry

I'm just not the type of person who goes out drinking. (so cant meet people in pubs)
I'm also not the type of person to join a "hobby group"

So I dont have a proper "friend".
 As someone else said, I am more quicker to get on with males rather then females,because of my intrests. I like muscle cars,tattoos and etc. And i hate shopping and the whole pampering thing, and I am yet to meet a female who share my intrests.

And also, it seems a lot of the females here..are..ermm.."slags" The type who goes to a club and goes home with some random guy on a regular basis. And I really don't want to be friends with people like that

Actually, my experience has been similar to this, except for the "slag" bit.

I've also been here since 2005.

When I worked in an office, I was friendly with my coworkers and went to the pub with them after work once in a while.

I'm friendly with women I know through activities I do, but I don't get together with them on my own time.

I hang out with my husband and his friends (and therefore, their wives and girlfriends.)

I don't think that the women I meet are cheap or sleep around, but they always seem to try to dress sexy - e.g. short skirt, low-cut top and/or heavy eyeliner when they are in the local pub with their partner of 10 years. I seem to be the only woman who goes to the local pub in a pair of jeans,  a plain top and hardly any makeup. It makes me feel like there is too much competition among women around looks,  and it makes me feel like women aren't interested in true friendships with other women.  (I don't think these women want to sleep around or cheat on their partners, I think they just feel like they have to be dressed up all the time.)

When I hung out with female friends in the US, we tended to wear jeans and sweatshirts or similar, because we were comfortable with each other and when we were together we didn't care what other people thought.

When I do go to the pub with DH and friends, I end up talking with the male friends, rather than the wives and girlfriends. We talk about things like current events, politics, science, religion, etc. and the other women never join in.

How else do you explain a lot of females around here that are my age having 3 or 4 kids, all by differant men.

and no I dont like making friends in my boyfriends shop, I learned a long time ago from experiance that a lot of people are just after "mates rates" .just like when i started doing piercing. My partner agrees with me on that one. I see it all the time,someone comes in a couple times,then puts on the buddy/buddy act and asks for "cheap deals",..
 It just doesnt happen at the shop, whenever I am in town I will get stopped by people being nice to me,then next word out their mouths will be "how much for this and that" Last thing I need is someone pretending to be my friend just cause they think i will pierce them for free or my partner will tattoo them for free
Sorry if I upset people by my comment, guess the "slag" is mostly an "essex girls" thing. As I said earlier, I DIDNT say ALL british females are like that.
 

I suppose one thing that I had to try to remember when I moved here was that I didn't necessarily have a zillion friends when I first moved from Santa Cruz to San Francisco either - and I had to build up my little network there too. Music is my thing, so I made friends who were fans of the same bands, and who ran in the same circles (gigs, etc) and then once I'd hit it off with one or two of them, I sort of naturally fell into their fold and their friends became my friends, etc.

And I don't think it's unusual for women to get along with men and I personally don't think there's any need to treat those friendships with kid gloves. DH is not even remotely jealous of my male friends and none of them have ever expected anymore than friendship out of it.... I also have a lot of gay friends who for me are the ideal companions and for whatever reason tend to have large circles of friends who have taken me in as well....

Just look at the girls in town. Their skirts look like belts and its in the middle of winter.

Are you talking about "up North" here? Because this is absolutely typical for Leeds/Manchester/Liverpool, but then again it is also true in Bristol & Cardiff. I see a lot of people saying "I never see people like that where I live in Camberley" who maybe have not lived in a provincial industrial town and hung out with working class/council estate people people. Among whom you do find a lot of slags and guys in sports clothes etc

I seem to be the only woman who goes to the local pub in a pair of jeans,  a plain top and hardly any makeup.

That's a shame, sweetpeach. I've only lived in rural coastal villages in the UK, but most of the women I know dress in sort of casual outdoorsy stuff year-round and not many wear makeup at all. I'm probably the one who's usually the most dressed up and I'm not really dressed up by a long shot! I'm so glad I don't live in a city!

Are you talking about "up North" here? Because this is absolutely typical for Leeds/Manchester/Liverpool, but then again it is also true in Bristol & Cardiff. I see a lot of people saying "I never see people like that where I live in Camberley" who maybe have not lived in a provincial industrial town and hung out with working class/council estate people people. Among whom you do find a lot of slags and guys in sports clothes etc

Yes. The skirt-belts are typical here in York.

What we're saying, I guess, is that if you hang out with chavs you get a certain type of experience, and if you hang out with middle-income Volvo driving Sainsbury's customers, you get a different experience. Neither is the totality of what life is like in "England".

That's a shame, sweetpeach. I've only lived in rural coastal villages in the UK, but most of the women I know dress in sort of casual outdoorsy stuff year-round and not many wear makeup at all. I'm probably the one who's usually the most dressed up and I'm not really dressed up by a long shot! I'm so glad I don't live in a city!

What we're saying, I guess, is that if you hang out with chavs you get a certain type of experience, and if you hang out with middle-income Volvo driving Sainsbury's customers, you get a different experience. Neither is the totality of what life is like in "England".

First of all I hate the 's' word.  I think it's nasty, derogatory and unnecessary.  Second of all I do live in Surrey but I also live in a reasonable sized town where girls go out dressed in VERY short skirts and VERY high heels.  That does not mean that they sleep with a different man every night or that they have five children by five different men.  I'm sure that those people exist.  I'm sure I probably do know some if I knew about their personal lives.  But to imply that it's impossible to make female friends in the UK because MOST or A LOT of women here are like that is simply not true.  I know and am friends with a LOT of women from all walks of life and to my knowledge none of them sleep around.
If you want to make women friends then get yourself out in situations where you will meet like minded people. I have friends here in the UK that I have had for 20 years and they are lovely people who I would trust to take care of my children, who I would go out for a drink or sit down for a coffee with, who I tell my troubles to and who I give support to.  These women exist.  If you're not meeting them in the routine you have now then perhaps you need to change it.

I live in Manchester and while I've noticed that the college students on a night out dress like...college students on a night out, what I've noticed (coming from California-casual) is that many people look very put together and classy.  I think it all depends on what you're looking out for though, I can imagine that I don't notice all of the students because there are just so many of them!

That said, I am the SLOWEST friend-maker ever.  It took me 5+ years to make friends in San Diego, and then I moved to the UK.  I've got a few work-friends here now that I like hanging out with after work (guys and girls) and a few girls that I've gotten to know through horseback riding, but most of my friends are either the close friends of DH or, in one case, one of their wives!

I've never felt like it was the fault of those around me, though.  I am extremely socially awkward and hesitant, so it's definitely me. I am another one of those women who had mainly male friends (I think it has something to do with the fact that they are often more direct and easier to "read" socially, so I have an easier time understanding what's going on!), but I've not noticed that anyone is any less friendly here than in the US.

I'm sorry you feel so alone though. And I know what it's like to feel uncomfortable, for me it's reversed, because I'll often go out in jeans/tshirt/trainers and then realize the other girls have made an effort and all look nice! (not too-short skirt nice, but a nice top and trousers and makeup...)  I don't think that's bad, necessarily, but I *never* wear makeup and am fairly lazy dress-wise, so sometimes I feel uncomfortable just because I feel like I let THEM down by not trying a bit harder.

Do you do anything outside of work and DH that could introduce you to people? Are you interested in something like "Skeptics in the Pub".  That could be fun if it's something you like.

I'm surprised you haven't met anyone through your daughter's nursery or toddler groups, that sort of thing. 

Yes! I always think women with children have a sort of 'in' that the rest of us don't have! It must help a lot to have a pool of other mothers to be able to meet - and you already have one thing in common with them, right?

My friends with children have all much older children. But they (my friends) are still very close to other mums they met 20+ years ago at nursery or other child-related places! I don't want children, but I can't help but be a bit envious of that bond and closeness that they've been able to make.

And I don't think it's unusual for women to get along with men and I personally don't think there's any need to treat those friendships with kid gloves.

I realised after having a very nice evening in the pub last night with two of DH's male friends (whom I guess I consider my friends in a way), that I am just going to socialise with the people I get along with and find interesting and not worry about whether they are male or female.

If I am the only woman in the group talking with a group of  five men while the wives/girlfriends are at the other end of the table talking among themselves, so be it.

I've never really had guy friends.  I had friends that were boys in high school but thinking about it that was mainly for convenience (they had cars, drove and belonged to the same clubs as me) and because I'd known them my entire life.  Since then not so much.  I'm friendly with men but just don't feel like I'm good friends with any.  I don't feel a connection.  Even my facebook is mostly women. 
But saying that, I know that some women do have guy friends or feel more comfortable talking to men and if I was in a pub and a woman in our group spent all her time with the men I wouldn't even think about it or care.  Just because it doesn't work for me doesn't mean it shouldn't work for others.

But I do confess that I do kind of think that the old saying 'never trust a woman without any female friends' might be a little bit true.  But that's just an opinion.

I've had very good female friends in the US, though.

One US/UK cultural difference I have noticed - and this may only be my limited personal experience - is that in the UK there is more of an attitude of "men do their own thing and women do their own thing" - think of those Boots "Here come the girls" adverts.

In the US, I socialised in mixed groups and conversations were mixed - men and women participated equally in the same conversation.

Over here, it seems expected that men and women are interested in different things and men wouldn't be interested in what women have to say and vice versa (unless it's romantic or sexual.)

If I go to the pub or to a party here, the men all go off and talk among themselves and the women go of another way and talk among themselves. Me being the only exception.

I've been in situations where I was talking to a group of men and a woman has come over to me and asked me to join the women because I must obviously be bored.

One US/UK cultural difference I have noticed - and this may only be my limited personal experience - is that in the UK there is more of an attitude of "men do their own thing and women do their own thing"

I'm not sure that's a US/UK thing. In SF I had a real mix of male and female friends, but at one point I ended up dating a guy who lived in Michigan. One time when I was visiting him we went to his friend's house for a BBQ and all the boys went outside and I was quite pointedly parked in the kitchen with the women. I was amazed - it was just SO different to my reality, but the more time I spent in the midwest the more I realised that was the norm.