Americans think everyone wants to live in America

Ugh.

I couldn't come up with a decent subject, but basically it boils down to friends of mine on another message board. Someone causally asked me how things were going with Tim, and I mentioned I was invited to stay through Christmas and was considering it and then all of a sudden EVERYONE jumped on me and is saying things like Tim's going to use me to get his green card....yet not a single friend if Tim's says to him that I'm using him to gain permission to live in the UK! 

Are  some Americans just so full of themselves that they think everyone must want to live in their country?

Sorry, but Tim's been working for the railway for 15 years, I'm pretty sure he has no intentions of leaving the UK for the US, especially when he knows I want to live here!

ARGH!

Are some Americans just so full of themselves that they think everyone must want to live in their country?

Some Americans are, yes.  I would say that most aren't, though.

I have experienced some of what you're describing though- an acquaintance from college was really shocked when I told her that I was in a LDR with a Brit...because he was probably just using me for a green card.    She was a reasonably intelligent person though so I'm not sure why she thought that!

well, I think everyone tends to think all those "foreigners" are desperate to come to their country.  Certainly the British think that -- else we wouldn't be having so much aggro trying to get our visas, etc. 

Sorry to hear this! I guess a lot of people just go on stories and see things in tv and movies, ya know? People usually assume the worst, and look to protect themselves.

Some Americans are, yes.  I would say that most aren't, though.

I have experienced some of what you're describing though- an acquaintance from college was really shocked when I told her that I was in a LDR with a Brit...because he was probably just using me for a green card.    She was a reasonably intelligent person though so I'm not sure why she thought that!

*rolls eyes*  It just makes no sense.

Que music from "West Side Story"......."I want to be in A-mer-i-ca, everything free in
A-mer-i-ca.....!"  Sorry about that, it was the first thing that came to my mind when I read the subject line 

I've gotten a couple comments like that as well (not about my hubby, but about some guy I met in Ireland a couple years ago...) 

I actually have known 2 people who married people who it turned out just wanted green cards. So yeah, it does happen. But some people are just cynical and think it happens a lot more than it does and that it is every foreign person's motive. I don't think the majority think that way though.

I think a lot of people - in general, not matter what country they live in - have this sort of mentality.  A lot of people meet someone online (or while on vacation), fall in love and get married really quickly.  For someone who has never experienced this, they are going to look at the situation suspiciously, automatically thinking there is an ulterior motive because there's just no way that's true love (in their eyes anyway).  And especially when the relationship is with someone in another country...the whole "green card thing" is probably just the first thing to pop into their heads. 

I was in the military and stationed in Italy for 3 years.  This subject was talked about in intense details during our orientation.  They sat us all down and said "Now make sure you are very careful about who you date or let yourself fall in love with.  There are a lot of people out there who just want to marry us Americans so they can have a green card to the US."  I'm totally not even joking in the slightest when I say that to you...and I've talked to other military friends who were stationed in other countries and they got the same "talking to"...so apparently it is part of the military guidelines when stationed overseas.

I'm not defending these people, because I still think it's an idiotic assumption to make...I'm just saying that there are several contributing factors to why people might feel that way...and it's not necessarily because they are cocky Americans who are full of themselves.

Que music from "West Side Story"......."I want to be in A-mer-i-ca, everything free in
A-mer-i-ca.....!"  Sorry about that, it was the first thing that came to my mind when I read the subject line 

Annndd now that's stuck in my head! :p

I actually have known 2 people who married people who it turned out just wanted green cards. So yeah, it does happen. But some people are just cynical and think it happens a lot more than it does and that it is every foreign person's motive. I don't think the majority think that way though.

The people I know were citing stories of friends who this had happened to as well, but the thing that really got me is that no where did I even suggest that Tim and I would EVER settle in the US, and if they had been paying attention to me for the past 6 years, they'd know that I would be the one moving here.

I think a lot of people - in general, not matter what country they live in - have this sort of mentality.  A lot of people meet someone online (or while on vacation), fall in love and get married really quickly.  For someone who has never experienced this, they are going to look at the situation suspiciously, automatically thinking there is an ulterior motive because there's just no way that's true love (in their eyes anyway).  And especially when the relationship is with someone in another country...the whole "green card thing" is probably just the first thing to pop into their heads. 

I was in the military and stationed in Italy for 3 years.  This subject was talked about in intense details during our orientation.  They sat us all down and said "Now make sure you are very careful about who you date or let yourself fall in love with.  There are a lot of people out there who just want to marry us Americans so they can have a green card to the US."  I'm totally not even joking in the slightest when I say that to you...and I've talked to other military friends who were stationed in other countries and they got the same "talking to"...so apparently it is part of the military guidelines when stationed overseas.

I'm not defending these people, because I still think it's an idiotic assumption to make...I'm just saying that there are several contributing factors to why people might feel that way...and it's not necessarily because they are cocky Americans who are full of themselves.

Wow, that's just insane. I mean, I know it was a big deal during the Vietnam War for US Soldiers to get duped into marrying someone so they could come to the US, or who fathered a child and then the mother got the child out of Vietnam by claiming the soldier as the father, but I really wouldn't think that was the case so much anymore. 

Wow, that's just insane. I mean, I know it was a big deal during the Vietnam War for US Soldiers to get duped into marrying someone so they could come to the US, or who fathered a child and then the mother got the child out of Vietnam by claiming the soldier as the father, but I really wouldn't think that was the case so much anymore. 

Well I can't blame anyone in a worn torn country for that! Desperation!!
 
We can all pretend that marriage is for love all over the world, but for many, its not.  Many people are still finding their way out of bad situations or worn torn countries or poverty by getting married. Take women in Russia for example, where there are male only tours available for them to meet Russian women and take them back to the States.

Still, I know there are a gazillion legitmate and loving marriages as well. So assumptions about one's "green card status" are never good!!!   

Well I can't blame anyone in a worn torn country for that! Desperation!!
 
We can all pretend that marriage is for love all over the world, but for many, its not.  Many people are still finding their way out of bad situations or worn torn countries or poverty by getting married.
 

Yes, but the UK is not a war-torn country!  I probably would have understood the "warning" more if I had been dating someone from a war-torn area. 

No, I see your points with Tim and of course, I can't blame you for wanting to move here   

However, I was just commenting on the Vietnam statement and how for some countries it still isn't any different.  I think that as people from the US or the UK, we've got it great and the options to settle in either country are fantastic, because they're both good places to live.  Things get harder though when the quality of life is a huge difference between the two places.  The fact remains, that yes, people do still get married for green cards/immigration to a new life.  Probably not between the US and UK, but for other places around the world, yes.   

I was in Ipswich about 20 years ago when there was still the American military base RAF Woodbridge/Bentwaters. The American GI's were quite accustomed to the fact that many British girls were interested in them and the US in general. In fact, at the dances sponsored at the base, there was hardly any standing room from all the local girls who came. I had 2 British girlfriends who married American serviceman, and my closest British girlfriend became a nanny in the US to get a chance to live here. I don't think they were looking to 'get a green card', but I think that the British/American attraction goes back a long time (WW2 and beyond?) and it seems very natural whether it's Brit man/American woman or the opposite.

All that said, I think there are plenty of people who will marry to get a green card, but I also think that for many others, it may be a hindrance to a relationship. As many people can attest to here, a LDR and moving halfway around the world isn't that easy, so there has to be a strong foundation in the relationship to make it work.

I knew a few Europeans, French and Dutch maybe, who were looking to marry for Americans for green cards.  They were in the US already and wanted to stay.

It was the other way around for us.  No one said DH was trying to get a "green card" for America but a lot of his friends and family thought I was using him to escape America, like it was some third world country I needed to escape because I didn't have any opportunities there!  
He assured them that I was finishing my masters degree and had a full-time job and a nice place and all sorts of reasons to stay there, but the reason I was moving here was for HIM.  
Don't worry about what stupid people say.... as long as you and Tim know the score, that's all that really matters...