In a crisis

Just to clarify something - I'm pretty sure midnight blue is OUT of the home of the man who was being abusive and needs to leave the friend's house she was staying in. From her other posts, I gather that she and her cat are safe, it's just that where she is staying is not an ideal place for her. 

Just to clarify something - I'm pretty sure midnight blue is OUT of the home of the man who was being abusive and needs to leave the friend's house she was staying in. From her other posts, I gather that she and her cat are safe, it's just that where she is staying is not an ideal place for her. 

I have to get out of the place I came to a week ago when I was already escaping an abusive situation. This one has turned to abuse also.

Okay, I apparently missed that part and just thought she needed to leave. 

I can understand that.  He's been through a lot too.  Cat's are real creatures of habit and he's had a lot of upheaval.  Plus he's your "security blanket" I imagine -- the one critter you feel you can trust.
Good luck in finding a live-in situation for you and Puss.

My kitty and I ended up sleeping on an air mattress at my dad's house for several months when my dad was dying, and my kitty behaved better than ever, even though he hated my dad's dog.  I think he knew what was going on.  Sometimes when you go through such hard times, your pet is all that keeps you going.  I understand why she doesn't want to put him in foster care, but it is a hard situation to go through. 

Yes just to clarify, I got away from the ex-boyfriend who was an acute threat to both me and the cat (yes he threatened the cat too).

I am now at the home of a friend and her husband. But the husband is now also a problem -- they are fundamentalist Christians and even though I live very quietly and am not rocking any boats, (believe me, I don't do crack, dance naked on the kitchen table or bring men home!!)  they have started the heavy handed stuff and it came to a very nasty clash in which he told me it's "his way or the highway" -- this guy and his same-church neighbors are like living in one of those recruitment nightmares.

All I wanted was a peaceful place to flee that a**hole who ruined my life, recover and get on my feet again, but THIS guy is ordering me around, is another bully just a different style to the last; they are even trying to get me to change to THEIR doctor, find work at THEIR local supermarket, go on medication because THEY believe in it (I don't want to and I've always lived without it before in times of stress, thanks very much, personal decision) -- I have never had such control and force imposed upon me in my entire adult life. They are trying to take charge of my life, and I'm deadly serious about that, no drama-mongering, I mean it, not kidding, it's to the point of sinister.

He's trying to take away the final bits of autonomy and personal decision making I had left after losing everything for the sake of my ex. Rather than a kind friend giving shelter it's turned into a place where I'm not even a grownup anymore and I'm not even allowed my dignity, the last thing I'm trying to hang onto. Iwent from being an independent woman running my own business in America, running my own apartment, car, work, taxes, to losing it all for a man with probable 'roid rage bouts, to now losing even my last grip on what happens to my life udner these nutjobs who have decided to run with the control ball....

THIS is why I'm wanting to flee this place too. The friend of mine was an old classmate and I did not know her husband before now as I've been gone from the UK for as long as they've been married. I walked from one nightmare into another kind but still a nightmare.

The original offer they made was for me to live here for a few months while working my way to saving a deposit on my own place. Now I've put them on notice I'm seeking a live-in job so that I can get the HELL out of here as soon as I get hired.......

The cat is not under physical threat here with me, but now it's a case of me being under emotional and mental stress of a different kind, under these people.

The cat is not under physical threat here with me, but now it's a case of me being under emotional and mental stress of a different kind, under these people.

I'm very sure your cat can sense the emotional and mental stress you are under.  Animals are very intuitive.

I'm sure he can, but he is still showing behavior indicating he's happy he still has me and I him. He is behaving with more well-adjusted equanimity than I am managing. This is the kind of cat that is so bonded to me that truly his most optimal situation is to be living with me as long as there is a roof over our heads.

Believe me, I would not put my cat through anything in which I can clearly perceive he is suffering because of.

This cat is NOT suffering. He WOULD if suddenly he were gone into the hands of strangers not knowing where I am, even if I could visit.

I'm sorry, I know you mean well but I'm NOT putting him into foster care unless I actually wind up living under a bridge in a box. Only then would that be a necessary step.

I know my cat and I am assessing the situation appropriately -- with all respect, you are not here in this room with an eye to how he is in all of this, and I am.

I know my cat and I am assessing the situation appropriately -- with all respect, you are not here in this room with an eye to how he is in all of this, and I am.

True, but, will all due respect, you have posted very frantically about your current situation and have called it abusive, which IMO means no one is safe, including your cat.

I wish you the best of luck.

True, but, will all due respect, you have posted very frantically about your current situation and have called it abusive, which IMO means no one is safe, including your cat.

I wish you the best of luck.

Yes, it is still very true that this is a high stress time and place that I'm in.

And I thank you Yael for your good wishes, I appreciate it.

It's also true, though, that in all our lives we may go through a traumatizing situation even while living in our own homes with our pets -- do we then foster them out while coping with the emotional fallout, even if they show continuity in their behavior?

I am under stress but my cat and I still have a roof be it less than ideal in the human stakes. And as soon as I am hired into a live-in situation we will move into those accomodations. Meanwhile this animal does not even seem to be aware that anything is wrong.

He is rolling around with his belly in the air on the carpet, nudging affectionately, playing with his toys, eating his meals, being a monkey as usual, and cuddling up with me at night. Do you think that is a cat that needs to be taken away from me?

Heaven forbid, but we can be living our normal lives and find ourselves subjected to a rape, a divorce, death of a child, death of a parent, the trauma of losing a job though not our home, or a serious illness of oneself or a loved one. Meanwhile we are in deep stress but we don't get rid of our animals while going through the situation. Yes technically I and my cat are homeless but as long as we are living somewhere and HE is doing fine -- which he is -- we are staying together and there is no need to cause him the true disruption of actualy losing me on a daily basis.

I'm sorry but I KNOW that that is what would send my cat into trauma, not the current circumstances which, as I've stated, are actually showing him to be perfectly well adjusted.

The man here is abusively controlling to me, but not toward my animal -- there is a dog and cat here who get treated like royalty and the same is extended to my cat. Hell, they are treating my cat better than they are treating me. It's only ME here in this case who is under the pressure that this man is subjecting me to about my life. Not my cat. I am in stress from that but my cat is doing a lot better than I am despite the psychological circumstances his owner is going through. . .

Look I don't know how else to get this across. I feel you are riding me and I'm winding up defending everything from the truth of my situation to the truth of my cat's health and happiness and that's not what I came here to have to do.

My cat IS safe.

Fostering him out is not yet necessary and I hope for it never to be.
If I see that it must be then I will resort to that, but it's the last resort. I am telling you that at this point just now, it is not.

What sort of situation are you looking for?  Housekeeper?  There are placement agencies, as well as adverts I've seen in Country Life.  You could wind up in a stately home!   

I like to look on the positive side of things.

Midnight, from my reading of this thread, it seems that Yael (and Yael, correct me if I am wrong) suggested you foster your cat based on the threat of physical violence from your former partner. People who physically abuse their partners have been known to abuse their partners' animals as well as a means of intimidation and control. I don't think she was suggesting you jettison your cat just because you are under emotional duress in your new living environment. You had described your current situation as abusive as well, and I immediately thought of you and your cat's physical safety. I hope the two of you are able to find a safe place and are able to get back on your feet soon.

What sort of situation are you looking for?  Housekeeper?  There are placement agencies, as well as adverts I've seen in Country Life.  You could wind up in a stately home!   

I like to look on the positive side of things.

Agreed!     Hang in there, I am sure something will work out soon, and that sounds like a great way to solve two problems at once - finding another place and finding employment!
Good Luck!!

Although, keep in mind, simply by the nature of the job, your movements and access to the employers household might be equally as restricted...if not more so. Good luck.

midnight blue, how are you doing?

yes - how?