Sensitve to comments about my accent lately

She sounds like the cow (really b!tch) I work with...always with the comments and small digs. She made a comment the other day about a shirt I was wearing saying it did not fit me well and it looked sloppy. My response - "Thank God my sun does not rise and fall based on your opinions, otherwise I may have to kill myself."

Beautiful silence followed. But I like Vicki's first suggestion best. 

Actually it sounds like she is just trying to get a rise out of you....if you can ignore it and maybe if she sees that it does not bother you she'll give up.....maybe. 

Since we're sharing about being sensitive to comments...

One thing that really gets me, though, is when people have asked to see a picture of my dog, the only one on my phone is a photo with him and my husband, and they go, "The dogs cute... don't know about him, though."

I mean... WHAT DO I SAY TO THAT?! It's happened like... three times. Weird. Personally, I just like to think they have crap taste in men. But I probably have a bias!

"The dogs cute... don't know about him, though."

Reply: "That's funny, your mom said just the opposite last night."

No but really, that's rude. I can't believe anyone would say that, even if the person is not your type! They must have been trying to be funny - DH always tries to tell me when I get offended at comments that that's just the way English people joke. 

"Oh, I'm so sorry you're having problems understanding me. I'll speak slower next time."

Bonus points if you can say it sweetly and with a smile. Personally, I don't think I could.

How about, "You know, I was the new girl once, too, so I recognize you may be overcompensating for your own shortcomings. But, my goodness, your comments are surprisingly unprofessional and immature. * Especially, for someone still on probation. What say we give that a rest, eh?"

*Points if you can put just the right threatening amount of reminder in your tone here; while flashing a "who me?" smile. 

Reply: "That's funny, your mom said just the opposite last night."

Oooh, back of the net!

 



Vicky

thanks for your support...i think she is just joking about things..but at times i can be sensitive/hormonal and it just bothers me more than other times... sometimes you don't want to be seen as the novelty - the american and just as a person

I don't think I ever got over that one -- being the token American in any gathering.  You're just a person at the end of the day -- not a nationality.
I don't know -- sometimes its better just to ignore people like that.  I have a situation at work where the person is pointedly uncordial.  I did send him an email about something he did that was excluding others in the dept. -- I thought I was being fairly joky about it but he ignored it and has been even cooler to me.  But only you know what your antagonist is like and how you feel about it at the time.

Since we're sharing about being sensitive to comments...

One thing that really gets me, though, is when people have asked to see a picture of my dog, the only one on my phone is a photo with him and my husband, and they go, "The dogs cute... don't know about him, though."

I mean... WHAT DO I SAY TO THAT?! It's happened like... three times. Weird. Personally, I just like to think they have crap taste in men. But I probably have a bias!

Sorry but I think that's funny - perhaps it is a British thing   I might reply ' Oh he's just some stranger I picked up to walk the dog! '  They'd know I wasn't serious and they'd also know that I realised they weren't serious.

Comments like that aren't meant to be taken literally.

perhaps it is a British thing   I might reply ' Oh he's just some stranger I picked up to walk the dog! '  They'd know I wasn't serious and they'd also know that I realised they weren't serious.

Comments like that aren't meant to be taken literally.

Absolutely. The British sense of humour is, perhaps an acquired taste (which some people never get, it figures in quite a lot of those "get me outta here!" venting type posts that Brits are advised not to read). The trick is to go with it. Submit. Let yourself be borne along.

Sorry but I think that's funny - perhaps it is a British thing   I might reply ' Oh he's just some stranger I picked up to walk the dog! '  They'd know I wasn't serious and they'd also know that I realised they weren't serious.

Comments like that aren't meant to be taken literally.

It's true.  They don't actually mean that.  It's a joke.  If they really thought you had an ugly husband they would remain silent  OR tell you that you had a very handsome husband and then go and tell their friends all about it.  British people just aren't that direct.

I totally understand where you are coming from.  I've lived here for 5 1/2 years and had the same job for the same amount of time.  There hasn't been a day go by that someone hasn't asked me where I am from.  By now I have perfected my answer. But I've just changed to working in London and I have so many more tourists in my store.  I'd say 1/4 of them are American.  I haven't yet had one of them ask me if I was american.  It's not until we get to talking about gifts to take back to family members to the states and I tell them things I have taken, that they ask "oh, your american?"  You don't sound like it.  And the British customers say I don't sound quite american or British. Just a nice soft cross of the two.  I just say that's probably because I married an Englishman!  But, thing is, I want to sound american. I don't want to lose that. It's part of who I am and I kind of feel like it's part of my identity. If I lose my american accent, then who am I? (rhetorical question)

It's true.  They don't actually mean that.  It's a joke.  If they really thought you had an ugly husband they would remain silent  OR tell you that you had a very handsome husband and then go and tell their friends all about it.  British people just aren't that direct.

We are masters of the 'backhanded compliment', and between people who know each other well, this can be taken to baroque levels of backhandedness. Among friends, her husband being present, a wife may say, "I don't know why I stay with Jim: he's lousy in bed, he stinks, and he's as thick as two short planks!". Everybody will titter and look at Jim, who will smile fondly because he knows she means: "I love Jim dearly, he's an ace lover, his hygiene is impeccable, and he's easily the cleverest person in this room". He'll say, "Like, duh, I'd better take my monthly bath next week", and everybody will smile at the touching scene. It may seem baffling to outsiders, but, hey, that's just the way it is. UK. Love it or leave it! 

Being included in this reversed-compliment thing, as the lady was who showed the photo, is a sign of friendly intent.

Just before Christmas, DH & I went to see the Grimethorpe Colliery Band, and at interval had an opportunity to let the band know how much I was enjoying the performance, especially since their first song played was "Stars and Stripes Forever."  Anyway, one of the members had asked where I was from and I said "Barnsley" and he immediately laughed and made fun of the way I said it--I guess because it didn't come out "Bahnsley."  I took it personally at first, but then I figured it was just novel for him to hear a different accent.  But, it did make me think that I will run into this situation from time to time, and I should just get over it. 

  It's not until we get to talking about gifts to take back to family members to the states and I tell them things I have taken, that they ask "oh, your american?"  You don't sound like it.  And the British customers say I don't sound quite american or British. Just a nice soft cross of the two.  I just say that's probably because I married an Englishman!  But, thing is, I want to sound american. I don't want to lose that. It's part of who I am and I kind of feel like it's part of my identity. If I lose my american accent, then who am I? (rhetorical question)

Exactly.  I don't want to loose my "Americanness" but I find myself adapting to phrases/words just to make it easier on people around me understanding me, then it sinks in and becomes force of habit and I forget to switch back my "American gears" when I speak to family or friends at home... and then they go, "Gena, you are sounding so British!"
"No! No I'm not!" Haw.

Sorry but I think that's funny - perhaps it is a British thing   I might reply ' Oh he's just some stranger I picked up to walk the dog! '  They'd know I wasn't serious and they'd also know that I realised they weren't serious.

Comments like that aren't meant to be taken literally.

I don't think it's necessarily a British thing, as I immediately took it to be a joke as well.

Just good-natured teasing.

If they really thought your husband was ugly they would probably look uncomfortable and mumble something like "that's nice".

I don't think it's necessarily a British thing, as I immediately took it to be a joke as well.

Just good-natured teasing.

If they really thought your husband was ugly they would probably look uncomfortable and mumble something like "that's nice".

Haw, I don't think she was REALLY meaning it... but I didn't have a clue how to respond. I felt awkward.