Would you go on holiday without your spouse/partner?

I am a little disturbed at people being 'stopped' or 'not allowed' to do things by their husbands / partners...


Vicky

Yeap! Me too!  That is a bit scary.  I would never want to be in a relationship where I can't do something I want to do.

I think its very healthy to take time apart.  Holidays apart are nice too, because you can go do your different things and not have to worry about what the other one wants to do or not. 

Yael, I'm glad you're going on your trip!

Having met and spent time with Aless's DH on several occasions, I'd just like to say that I think that folks might be reading a little too much into her comment.   I suspect his stance is much more along the lines of "but we OUGHT to want to do everything together, because that's what married people in love DO" than "I forbid you to live a live separate from mine in any way!"  (Keep in mind that they're newlyweds! )

Just wanted to throw that out there, as Aless is currently mostly AFK while on holiday to the US and may not have had time to phrase her comment in the most ideal way, and likely hasn't had time to get online and correct people's perceptions....

Man I am starting to feel like we should start a "My husband is a train geek too!" board.  The odd thing is that I have probably gone on more train trips lately than he has.

I regularly go on research / conference trips without my husband, which are often like holidays (though the three-week one by myself to Armenia was very lonely without him.  )  I wouldn't cancel a holiday I wanted to take just because he didn't want to go, though I would try to talk him into it.  And now that I have suffered going camping with him once, any camping trips he takes in future will be sans moi.

Man I am starting to feel like we should start a "My husband is a train geek too!" board.  The odd thing is that I have probably gone on more train trips lately than he has.

We should get them all together! 

Having met and spent time with Aless's DH on several occasions, I'd just like to say that I think that folks might be reading a little too much into her comment.   I suspect his stance is much more along the lines of "but we OUGHT to want to do everything together, because that's what married people in love DO" than "I forbid you to live a live separate from mine in any way!"  (Keep in mind that they're newlyweds! )

Just wanted to throw that out there, as Aless is currently mostly AFK while on holiday to the US and may not have had time to phrase her comment in the most ideal way, and likely hasn't had time to get online and correct people's perceptions....

I thought something similar.  I might carelessly (and inaccurately) say that Ross wouldn't "let" me go, but what I would really mean is that he was unhappy about my going.  Going anyway without regard for his feelings would be tantamount to saying "screw you, you don't matter", so I wouldn't do it.  Having said that, he'd never be selfish enough to try and show any serious opposition to something I really wanted to do.  It's not about a power dynamic, it's about respect for the one you love. 

But if both sets of people are happy with their lot (the ones who would never holiday apart and the ones who would never think twice about holidaying apart), why should they think the other set strange?  Relationships and people are complex - hey, it's whatever works for you. 

My fiancé and I had this conversation pretty early in our relationship.  The first time I visited him, his mother told me that she wanted desperately to go to Italy, but that her husband wouldn't go.  She went there on holiday with friends when she was young, and she'd been waiting 40 years to return.  DF's father is something of a homebody, and he just wasn't interested in going.  I asked her why she hadn't gone on her own, and she said that her husband wouldn't like it.  I encouraged her to find a way to do these things that she wanted to, because I could feel her bitterness.

DF is a homebody, much like his father.  That evening, I told DF that I have the travel bug, and I was going to travel.  I told him that I would be more than happy to have him come with me on my trips, but I will go with or without him.

Honestly, he doesn't seem overly keen on the idea, but I'm not overly keen on foregoing travel.  He takes the "default" position on a lot of the things we disagree on, which means that if I waited until we both agreed before acting, he'd get what he wanted solely because his desires don't require any action.  I will always take his desires into account, but I won't let them overrule mine.

That being said, he has always been very supportive of individual travel opportunities when they've arisen.  He encouraged me to apply for a scholarship to study Arabic in the Middle East (which I regrettably did not get), and he is supportive of my plans to backpack with friends. 

DF's mother did eventually decide that she wants to travel with or without her husband.  She hasn't made it back to Italy yet, but she's taken many small trips to different places in Europe without her husband, as well as one big trip to America with him (and DF).  DF says that his father still isn't keen on her taking these trips, but he agrees that his father has adjusted fine, and she is much happier.

I think I would only be upset if it were somewhere I would enjoy going and I wasn't invited -- like if my significant other decided to go to Paris for the weekend by himself -- then I would have problem.  If it was with his friends I'd be OK.  Though hearing tales of Stag/Bachelor weekends, I'd probably have a problem with that too.  Perhaps I just have trust issues.  

Aless is currently mostly AFK while on holiday

what's AFK mean?

Away from keyboard

I've been offline a lot, so didn't see this until today. I pretty regularly go to visit girlfriends for weekends on my own - some stuff just does NOT need male input. LOL. And likewise DH goes once or twice a year on a golfing weekend or to see his school friend in Ireland and I would NOT be interested in joining that!! And I'd happily take a city break on my own to places he's already been and isn't interested in seeing again.

For longer trips I would be unlikely to go alone but that's mostly because we have pretty similar interests in terms of what we want out of a holiday (sun, sleep, food, booze - pretty much in that order) so it's pointless to go alone.

He's gone on a few stag nights/weekends since we've been together, and I really don't mind at all. I know he won't get up to any more than being annoyingly drunk so I say leave him to it! 

I think it's important to cultivate not only your own interests but your independence. And trekking off on my own to visit girlfriends purely for my own enjoyment is really important to me!  Plus it gives him the chance to lie around, play video games, eat crisps for dinner, etc. 

But there are also plenty of trips I wouldn't want to go on because if I'm in Vienna, I want to see castles and mountains, not rusty engines!

Couldn't you agree to spend part of the time looking at castles and mountains, and part of the time looking at engines? Relationships are about compromise.

what's AFK mean?

I'm glad you asked that! Also relieved that I'm not as big a geek as I'd thought! 

They used it on an episode of Ghost Whisperer (of all shows!) where there was a computer gamer died. They checked something on his computer and that was on there! LOL

Couldn't you agree to spend part of the time looking at castles and mountains, and part of the time looking at engines? Relationships are about compromise.

It wouldn't work, since Tim doesn't go on these trips alone. He'd either have to talk to the guys he's with, or I'd have to do things on my own.

Although, the guy organizing a trip to India this spring wants Tim and I to go so badly he offered to spend a few days doing non-train things, like the Taj Mahal....but I can't afford to tag along to India right now .

If we were planning a trip on our own, then sure, we'd compromise.  It's what we've been doing while we've been traveling around the UK the past 2 months. 

It wouldn't work, since Tim doesn't go on these trips alone. He'd either have to talk to the guys he's with, or I'd have to do things on my own.

Oh, I thought you meant just you and him.