Regretting Repatriation

I know there are various reasons for moving back and many of you didn't have much of a choice or just made what you felt was the best decision at the time. I'm wondering, have any of you who have moved back home or elsewhere regretted the decision to do so?  Do you wish you had chosen to stay in the UK (if that was an option) or do you wish you had chosen to move somewhere other than where you've actually moved to - another country/state/city? For those of you with kids, do you have any regrets or sorrow that they won't grow up in the UK? Finally, if you could make the decision all over again, would you repeat the choice you've made or would you choose to remain in the UK?

**For those who Repatriated from outside of the UK, feel free to respond as well**

I think there are always some regrets, no matter what choice you make. It's still very early days for me (only been back a month) so I'm still finding my feet. Furthermore, we have by no means said 'this is it, we're in the US for good'.

But of course I miss things about the UK. I miss a lot actually. For example, I'm having the devil of a time finding a playgroup for my son, whereas in the UK they were a dime a dozen.

I do remind myself that moving, no matter if it's within the country or to another one, is always difficult.

Sorry I can't offer more perspective. Get back to me in 6 months or so!

I've done it, twice actually.  Lived in the UK when first married, then headed back to the US two years later.  Stayed there for 6 years, then moved back to the UK the first week of 2007.  I don't regret either.  Both were the right thing at the right time, and were done with reason.  The move back to the US was because my husband was keen, and so I could finish my half-done undergrad degree.  We had a lovely time there and were very happy.  We moved back to the UK for similar reasons - both wanted to do PhDs, and our field is best represented in the UK.  We're happy here now.  We both get homesick for the US (and did for the UK when we lived in the US), but home is where your loved ones are, and life is what you make of it.  Both statements are tired cliches, but true. 

I moved back to the US in 2003. And for the past few years, I find myself regretting that decision at least once a week.  Of course I thought it was the best decision at the time, but hindsight is a killer!

Anyway, regarding kids: I'm not sure where the best place to raise them would be. I hope I don't go to my grave wondering this - it's been the highlight of my life for the past two years. So, if anyone's got an answer, I'm all ears!  

Oh, and in answer to your last question: if I could do it all again, I'd have stayed in the UK. Hands down.

Here's my story. I'm married to a Brit and we lived here with our two children 10 years ago. (back when my spousal visa was FREE and I was able to apply for it right here in the UK, how I wish it were still like that) Six months after arriving I was ready to go back to the US (I was admittedly young and immature about the whole thing) and a few months later we started the long and tedious immigration process for my husband to get an American visa.

Whilst we were living in the US we incorporate a lot of British culture into our home especially since my children are dual citizens. (my youngest was born here in the UK) About four years after moving back to the US and after several visits back to the UK both my husband and I longed to move back to the UK but weren't willing to go through another international move. We also didn't want to uproot the kids again as we have moved a lot. So we started thinking maybe when the kids were grown or maybe when we got to retirement we would go back to the UK.

Last year we got it in our heads that we really wanted to move back to the UK because in our view it's quality of life over here vs. quantity (materially) of life in the US. We both just got so fed up with the rat race (100 mile RT commutes, a 10-hour working day)and the keeping up with the Jones' mentality that was so prevalent wherever we lived in the US. And just like that we decided to take the plunge and just did it. My biggest concern was uprooting the kids from their American lives especially since my daughter was a freshman in high school. (my youngest is now 9)

Do I have regrets? No. I now love living here and I love the life my kids are being exposed to. We have literally started over again for the third time in our marriage and we have never had so little materially in our lives. But we are so much happier over here. And much to my surprise my kids love it here as well. The only thing is because we do have children, whichever side of the pond we live on, one set of grandparents is going to miss out and there will be hurt feelings and guilt on my part.

I just don't foresee me wanting to repatriate again. But then 10 years ago I didn't foresee me wanting to actually come back to live in the UK, so there you go. But I really don't think I will ever have it in me to do another international move. I'm getting too old.

The only regret I have is that I didn't stay here a lot longer my first time around and get citizenship so that I didn't have to go through the visa process again. It would be nice to have both a US passport and a UK passport so that I can live where I want when the mood strikes. But I do plan on going for that this time around.

Thanks for sharing your story. I've been thinking of repatriating and it was very helpful to read your story.

AmericanMum...I like your story as well. Although, my husband and I have never lived there, we have wanted to for years (only frequent trips). Our 'want' has now turned into a solid plan. The one thing keeping us in the US for the next several years is our 10 (nearly 11) year old son. We have 2 grown, college kids but feel that our 10 year old wouldn't adjust very well to leaving everything he knows, friends, etc. But your insight to 'quality vs. quantity' of life was great to hear. I assumed that but never heard anyone confirm it. It just cements our decision even more. But we have a few years, lol! It was nice to hear your story 
~ER~

I have zero regrets about moving back to the states. Our quality of life is so much better. We have been back for 14 months and the novelty of being back still hasn't worn off and I am sure it never will. 

We just travelled back to the UK last week and while it was very nice to visit, I would never be keen to move back.

AmericanMum...I like your story as well. Although, my husband and I have never lived there, we have wanted to for years (only frequent trips). Our 'want' has now turned into a solid plan. The one thing keeping us in the US for the next several years is our 10 (nearly 11) year old son. We have 2 grown, college kids but feel that our 10 year old wouldn't adjust very well to leaving everything he knows, friends, etc. But your insight to 'quality vs. quantity' of life was great to hear. I assumed that but never heard anyone confirm it. It just cements our decision even more. But we have a few years, lol! It was nice to hear your story 
~ER~

Thanks, ER! Glad to be able to share my experience. I firmly stand behind my quality vs. quantity of life in regards to the UK and the US. I can understand your concerns about making your 10-year old do a transatlantic move, but also remember kids are very resiliant. When I observe my 9-year old son with his friends here, there really isn't that much different between them.

Good luck with your solid plans and what the future holds for you and your family down the road! Doing the big move is certainly an exciting adventure!

Yes, I regret it in many ways -- mainly because it means we are no longer together as a family (physically anyway)  I thought I was doing the right thing in coming back to support my parents with their increasing infirmities and giving DS a chance to experience an American high school. DH thought he should remain behind as his income was needed and DD was about to go to university.  It would only be for a few years ...  But -- no good deed goes unpunished!  We've had nothing but grief ever since.  These things would probably have happened anyway, but at least we would be together in the UK.  I wouldn't have lost my ILR and would be there to help my family now.
Having said that, DS did do very well in high school -- probably better than the school in UK.  I re-learned to drive (!) and finally have a decent -- if boring -- job.  Therefore I have independence I would never have had in the UK.

Hi there.
We repatriated 4 years ago. We don't regret it, the reasons we moved are still there, but there are times when we really feel like wel'l eventually move back to the UK. Our lives are revolved around his career though, that is waht really brought us over to the US again, and we jsut don't know.

The truth is that I've lived there, he's lived here, we've tried out both scenarios and we know we can make it work & be happy either way, but we haven't bought a house or anything because his job is in flux and you jsut never know.

If it were possible I would pack my bags and leave right this second. The only way for my husband and I to be together was for me to move to the UK. I was naive and really did not do my homework when making that decision.

So off I went and now I felt my life was so much better in the U.S. I still do. We plan on going through that grueling process of going back in about 5 years but I am afraid for everyone. I feel soon anyone who meets and falls in love who are from different countries are going to find it difficult if not impossible to be together. With all the scares and so many countries wanting to close down borders I believe free movement will come to an abrupt end. People will not be moving from one country to another without it literally destroying the family unit completely.

I find the most difficult thing here is the huge lack of respect for each other. Employees are paid poorly and treated very poorly here. If you are lucky enough to just find a job at all.

Yes we pay dearly for health care in the U.S. but I found it to be much more humane than here. I learned that I am willing to pay for that proper service again.

I find it so sad that here they can't see that providing horrible customer service is draining to all. Again the lack of mutual respect is the biggest downside here in my opinion. So on that note I dream of the day I will go home and be normal again. Visiting is lovely here but to live here well you really need to be prepared. Again only based on my own experience.

I know I will not regret going back home in the future.

Although many people ask me was it worth it? That was a very big price to pay to be with my husband and had I had a clue how I would feel I would not do it again. Finding someone in my own country to be with would have been easier. But no one said life was easy either.

I must say that as a former UK resident of almost 7 years, I don't necessarily regret repatriation back to the US (FL). I had to do so out of necessity: I left because of divorce from my British husband, now ex. He was abusive and the only way I could get away was by leaving the UK altogether.

Of course, I had wanted to move back to the US for ages, but I had glamorized it all. I've now become disillusioned with the US. As proud as I am to be American, my life in the US is much worse than it was in the UK with regards to income, employment, health benefits, etc. Lack of support (emotionally mainly) from the majority of my own family doesn't help either. I miss the privilege of the NHS, a stable job, and great coworkers.

Despite missing aspects of the UK, I do not wish to return to live there. If I hadn't moved back to the US, I wouldn't have met my partner, who is the most wonderful man. My partner and I now want to move abroad -- it'll be the second time for me, but the first for him. We won't be going to the UK, but to France. It's a few years down the road, of course, but it is what we dream about. We're planning as we speak!

At the time, it was right for me to move back to the US. I could see no other alternative then or now. Honestly, I would do it all over again and not change a thing.

And if I could do so, and I know my partner agrees with me, we'd pack our bags now and move to France.

fyi - the rest of this topic was talking about lack of respect, US vs UK style, and I've split that into a different topic.

I'm in Michigan right now.

I'm from Michigan and he's from North Yorks.  We've been married for about 2.5 years and lived in Manchester, UK straight off the bat.  I left the UK on 08 May. I have my full ILR (still valid as of this point) and was hoping to get my citizenship soonish but it didn't work out with our plan that I'm now really regretting!

I had a stable job and he is finishing his PhD.  Since we're wanting to have kids in probably the next 3-4 years, we got it into our heads that moving back to the US would be a "now or never" senario. You know like get jobs, eventually settle and buy a house, etc.  So we've decided that I would move back early May, find a job, finish my requirements to take the CPA exam and set up shop.  He then was going to move back when he's done with his PhD Jan 2010 and we will see each other in-between. I'm living with my parents right now trying to find a job and sitting here COMPLETELY REGRETTING IT!!! And it's not just because I'm with my parents - they've been wonderful which is why I'm feeling even more guilty!  I don't feel at home at all here anymore and it is SO EXHAUSTING trying to keep up with everyone!  I know for a fact that I could go back to the UK right now and find some kind of a job (I was looking to switch jobs before I left and was talking to recruiters, etc). 

So I've been here four weeks and like I said my family has been more than supportive.  They are so happy we're planning on moving back and I would feel SOOO GUILTY telling them I've changed my mind.  I'm just regretting it so much right now I want to hop on a plane and go back. I feel like the UK offers a better way of life in terms of quality. 

Anyone else have thoughts?  I'm trying not to do anything brash but I'm totally homesick for the UK!!