Nerves before seeing each other?

Thank you for this lovely description of your first meeting.

You're welcome!  I'm glad you enjoyed it.

I'm a single mother which complicates things, and we both feel that our first meeting should be just the 2 of us.

Oh, yes.  It definitely should.  DH has two sons and we had two separate week-long visits with just the two of us before I met the boys.  I hope you can work out a visit soon - it's so exciting to meet for the first time!

When I first met DH the nerves in me were riot!  Even tho I knew I would be ok...my friends had freaked me out..."what if he is a axe murderer" kinda of thing.  I used to tell them that I would never meet anyone, let alone fly to meet someone without thinking I was safe...

I've never been in a LDR before now and I've found that when explaining my relationship, I get an earful about the worse possible situations that can happen. It's so strange.

I'm so happy that it's worked out so well for you and your husband. I remember when your husband posted here (as he's another Californian) and your wedding photos are beautiful. Your story makes me feel good about all the possibilities when my wonderful DB and I finally meet and begin to make plans 

I get an earful about the worse possible situations that can happen. It's so strange.

It's not that strange, really. I'm sure it's just friends looking out for you. And, quite honestly, although there are tons of success stories (mine, for instance), there are probably far more that don't work out. You just have to be realistic about it and recognise that a good online/telephone relationship might not be a good one in person.

jw, I would get it out of the way if I were you.  As mentioned before, things can be so different in "real life" vs online and I would want to find that out before I invested any more time, but thats a personal opinon of course.  I remember when I first met my BF, I dragged my friend to London with me (told her it was a vacation and then mentioned there was someone we had to meet!) and that night, I was SO nervous that I begged my friend for a cigarette - somehow thinking that would calm me down.  Eww!   He said he walked by us a few times before he actually made his presence known (jerk!), but as soon as I saw him, it was like a wave of relaxation went through me and it was perfect  Now I get ANXIOUS, but not nervous before seeing him every time, which I think are two very different emotional states, eventhough they feel simliar physically (butterflies in the stomach, etc).  I've noticed the first few times we "reunited" I would run to him and hug him tight and now its much more subdued after 2 years, but still so wonderful everytime. We always fall right back into how things were when we said goodbye the previous time.   He'll be on a plane one week from right now to meet up in DC for a long weekend.  Wooo!

It's not that strange, really. I'm sure it's just friends looking out for you. And, quite honestly, although there are tons of success stories (mine, for instance), there are probably far more that don't work out. You just have to be realistic about it and recognise that a good online/telephone relationship might not be a good one in person.

I know it's not strange to look out for friends or family, and I appreciate the care very much. I just find it strange how more often than not it becomes a conversation about some horrible, extreme story that was on the news. I've also had a few very positive responses, but I'm finding that the initial reaction of most people is one that is more leary than open.

I know it's not strange to look out for friends or family, and I appreciate the care very much. I just find it strange how more often than not it becomes a conversation about some horrible, extreme story that was on the news. I've also had a few very positive responses, but I'm finding that the initial reaction of most people is one that is more leary than open.

I'm getting the same thing from my friends. "Well aren't you nervous? What if there's no chemistry? What if he smells? What if he's got halitosis? What if... what if.... what if." For a while I started to feel weird because I wasn't nervous. But I'm just not. I've met plenty of people online, and any time I knew someone this long and this well, it turned out for the best. I have no doubt this will be the same... for you and for me.

Go with your gut. It's rarely wrong.

I'm so happy that it's worked out so well for you and your husband. I remember when your husband posted here (as he's another Californian) and your wedding photos are beautiful. Your story makes me feel good about all the possibilities when my wonderful DB finally meet and begin to make plans 

Ahhh! Thank you 

I say get it over with a.s.a.p.....then you guys can start making plans 

I'm getting the same thing from my friends. "Well aren't you nervous? What if there's no chemistry? What if he smells? What if he's got halitosis? What if... what if.... what if." For a while I started to feel weird because I wasn't nervous. But I'm just not. I've met plenty of people online, and any time I knew someone this long and this well, it turned out for the best. I have no doubt this will be the same... for you and for me.

Go with your gut. It's rarely wrong.

I like your attitude!!! I'm very positive about my relationship too. I'm not naive and I realize that anything can happen, but I'm going into this with an open mind and a positive attitude about it all. I realize there is potential for heartbreak, but I think that opening up your heart and soul to anyone comes with risks.

Perfectly normal, although I think it happens differently for each person.

We don't talk much before the trips to see each other. I freak out, he just thinks it's no big deal, and we end up fighting before we see each other. This time, we did not talk about the trip at all, and just stayed on friendly conversation. It worked out perfectly fine.

Now, your nerves will jitter if they are the last one off the plane. He got to BWI Airport and the gate that lets them get off the plane was jammed, and they had to push the plane over to another gate! That made me nervous as anything.

Ahhh! Thank you 

I say get it over with a.s.a.p.....then you guys can start making plans 

I would LOVE to have our first meeting ASAP!!!! We've both thought about just jumping on a plane and meeting, even if only for a long weekend, but then the logical brain takes over and we start counting up the expenses and think that it would be better to wait until we can get away for a longer visit.

We've both thought about how wonderful it will be to finally spend time together, but I know we're both apprehensive about saying 'goodbye' after the visit is over. It's tough enough saying goodbye over the phone now. I know that we're both nervous about how much harder the distance will be after finally coming together.  Does anyone have an opinion on this or any advice to share? Also, is it 'normal' to feel like you're on an emotional roller-coaster sometimes? It's like I'm fine most of the time, but then I start getting very weepy and I can't really control it or explain why. I don't know anyone in my personal life who has been in a LDR, so it's hard to explain my feelings to others. Has anyone else experienced this or have any coping advice?

We've both thought about how wonderful it will be to finally spend time together, but I know we're both apprehensive about saying 'goodbye' after the visit is over. It's tough enough saying goodbye over the phone now. I know that we're both nervous about how much harder the distance will be after finally coming together.  Does anyone have an opinion on this or any advice to share? Also, is it 'normal' to feel like you're on an emotional roller-coaster sometimes? It's like I'm fine most of the time, but then I start getting very weepy and I can't really control it or explain why. I don't know anyone in my personal life who has been in a LDR, so it's hard to explain my feelings to others. Has anyone else experienced this or have any coping advice?

My experience is a bit different since we didn't meet online.  We met when we were both working in Japan, and dated for a year, for five months of which we lived together.  So when we had to be separated for the first time, it was devastating.  I sobbed at the airport, waiting for his plane to leave so I could watch it go, sobbed all the way home (40 minutes on the bus) and sobbed waiting for him to call to tell me he'd arrived safely.  For about a week I would burst unexpectedly into tears, thinking about how long it would be until I saw him again--3 months, every day of which crawled by.  When we finally reunited, we had six weeks together, then I had to return to the US.  I cried that time too, but not as hard or as much or as long.  From then until I moved here, we managed to visit every 3-6 weeks or so.  I was always sad to say goodbye, but it kept getting easier.  The hardest time for me--except for the week after the first separation-- was after we'd married and were waiting for the spousal visa.  I was so anxious to get on with our lives that the wait was excruciating.   Basically, what I'm trying to say is that LDR's stink, and after you meet your bf for the first time, when you have to leave him it will be terrible.  But it will get easier, and the time together is well worth it.          

Before we first met in person, DH and I were careful to try & manage each other's expectations.  Even though we both *thought* the feelings were there based on our online interactions and phone conversations, we said - right, we're just two friends meeting for the first time and not to expect anything else.  I think it was a sensible approach.  And upon meeting, there wasn't any orchestra, birds, rays of sunshine breaking through the clouds, angels flying around, and or any of that. 

We did like each other a lot upon first meeting, but it really took spending time in each other's presence, going out & having fun together, talking face to face etc etc...until more chemistry developed as well as the feelings of wanting something more committed and long term.  Once we had met, being separate was really hard - as we seemed to argue more during those periods & our future together would seem more uncertain, but being together in person as much as we could was what really grew our love for each other.  In that sense, I don't think our meeting (online) and subsequent face-to-face courtship was any different than anyone else's.

We only spent a little over a year doing the LDR thing (and spent about 2 months of that together in person - split into intervals), before I called 'decision time'.  I was looking ahead to my 40th birthday then, didn't feel like I was a spring chicken or had all the time in the world, IYKWIM.  My life where I was living (Tampa Bay) had really opened up for me, I was having a blast, and another fella was interested in me there as well (which I think was all very natural and healthy).  I said either we could continue to be apart for long periods & have an open relationship-see others (because to be honest, we'd probably have drifted apart anyway with the continuing distance and time between seeing each other), or we needed to figure out a way to be together - because that was what made our relationship work fabulously.  We picked the latter. 

 Basically, what I'm trying to say is that LDR's stink, and after you meet your bf for the first time, when you have to leave him it will be terrible.  But it will get easier, and the time together is well worth it.          

Like Historyenne I met my BF in person and we spent time together before I had to return to the US (we never lived together and I think that does make a big difference).  Unlike Historyenne, and to my surprise, I didn't cry nor did it seem terrible to be away, I actually had this feeling of.... it will all work out... that was very calming.  To this day I am still a bit shocked that I had that reaction rather then crying (I thought for sure I would be sobbing) but I guess we all react differently.  I agree with the others that you two should meet soon, regardless if it makes it harder to be away from each other... Historyenne is right, the time together is well worth it! 

Best of luck!

I didn't really get nervous about meeting him the first time until in the car on the way to the airport.  Then it hit me! WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING??? I invited this person....who I spent a lot of time talking with...to stay in my house for 10 days!  That's when it hit me..what if he lied this whole time and is really a pyscho, or what if I just don't like him  Vor what if he just doesn't like me?? It was VERY nerve racking to say the least.  I was so wrapped up in my nerves that I was shaking really bad hahaha.  I don't  think I calmed down until after we got back to my house (where my roomate and his boyfriend were cooking us all dinner) and had a glass of wine hahhaaha.  After that it just fell right into place:)

I was always nervous about seeing him again after that but the minute we saw each other we always immediately "fell right back in" And just yesterday I was thinking that it's almost a bit sad that we won't have those wonderful greetings anymore.  haha it's just not quite the same, greeting him when he gets home from work, than it was jumping on him after a few months of being apart.  And now that I look back...that time actually went really really fast:)

Good luck!!!!

  I agree with the others that you two should meet soon, regardless if it makes it harder to be away from each other... Historyenne is right, the time together is well worth it! 

Best of luck!

Thank you everyone for sharing these wonderful stories and encouraging words. I think the general opinion is that we should meet soon, so I'm going to keep that in mind when we start to make serious plans for our first meeting.