First let me start by saying this is not meant in any way to gripe about my husband. I'm just honestly looking for advice or thoughts on anyone who might have been in this situation, as I'm sure I'm not the only one.
I love my husband to pieces, but his unemployment is really starting to grate my nerves. He was originally made redundant from a job in September, after I arrived in the UK just in August '08. Basically it was "last in, first out" kind of thing and totally due to the work-load decreasing. He found another job within about 4 weeks or so and everything was fine. He really didn't care much for the place or the late hours, but since we were about to be married and he was the only one working, he didn't have much of a choice. Then, a week after our wedding in November, he is made redundant from this job...this time it was more to do with him not picking up his work load quickly enough (he had worked for this company before but it had been a few years since he had used that type of machine and he couldn't get into the swing of things again). I also think the fact that he wasn't too happy there didn't help matters.
Of course, he's thinking, no biggie...he will have a job in a few weeks time again. Meanwhile, I got my FLR(M) and started working day-to-day supply teaching jobs. Up through Christmas I only had about 6-days worth of work, but supply teaching pays £110/day and I get a bit of tax relief for expenses like petrol...so the money is decent enough if I get 2-3 days/week. His sister was concerned if he was even looking for work, and to be fair, he had signed on to 3-4 different agencies as well as got on jobseekers (which doesn't pay the cost of living). He had also put in some apps online as well. But I did joke with her that he might be enjoying his little "vacation" too much to put in a whole lot of effort. The thing that started to bother me is that he has never had a very pro-active stance on things and tends to "wait to be called" instead of chasing things up.
I let it go through the holidays, and now we've been through all of January and still...nothing. Only now, I'm noticing more and more that he isn't applying for things every day, he's still not really chasing things up (unless I nag him, which I swore I would never do), and he seems quite content to stay up all night and play Xbox or PC games and then sleep through most of the day (it's 2:45pm now and he's still asleep despite me telling him 3x since noon to please get up). The only time I notice him looking online for jobs is after I had said something, and even then, I wonder if he's still being a bit picky by not choosing certain jobs because of late hours (even though I assured him it wouldn't be permanent).
I'm really at my wits end because although things are barely getting paid on my wages now, we're still clearing up his accounts in arrears here and none of my things in the states are being taken care of like a small balance credit card and one of my student loans which has exceeded it's forbearance period. Plus, we need to have money by March or April for the rest of my belongings to be shipped over -- and I don't see that happening on just my wages.
I don't know what else to do. I try to be encouraging and suggest jobs to him here and there, but there always seems to be an excuse. All my life I dealt with my dad being out of work and quite honestly being lazy and I don't want to have a repeat of history. I know the economy is crap now and lots of people are out of work and struggling, but he hasn't even managed to land ONE interview. There's got to be SOMETHING he can do...but I'm still not familiar enough with things here to make any more suggestions to him.
This all boils down to the fact that I love him more than anything and I worry for him. He's a good man, intelligent, and he's good to me and I don't want this issue to start causing huge arguments for us. I honestly think sometimes he just doesn't give himself enough credit for what he is capable of. How do I tactfully help him become more pro-active? Am I doing something wrong here -- being too soft on him? Please, HELP!!