Just need to vent a little

And I know many of you will understand where I'm coming from... I don't really feel like I have anyone else to talk to about this stuff besides my boyfriend.

I just keep feeling like I'm in completely the wrong place, and I don't want to be here anymore. I keep feeling like I'm waiting for my life to start... you know? Really, I mean our life together, but... yeah.

But everything's in limbo at the moment, as we're waiting to see if he gets a job out here, and we're planning on getting things figured out by the time he's out here again in the summer. If he doesn't get a job, we're probably going to get married [a wee bit sooner than planned] at the county courthouse and get me over there on an EEA family permit, I hope before the holidays.

Mainly, the part that's driving me nuts the most (besides not being together, of course) is the uncertainty. I'm not sure what's going to happen, where I'm going to end up or when. And I'm a bit scared. Worried that I'm going to mess things up somewhere along the way, forget some  piece of vital paperwork. Not to mention that if I do end up coming out there, I'm terrified I won't find a job.

Maybe I'll feel a bit better after I've been out there (I'm going for a week over Easter... it's all I could spare off from work). He's been out here twice already (darn teachers and all their time off, haha).

I feel a bit silly going on like this. Like I said before, I just needed to get it all out.

How have you guys coped with the stress and the hard times? Just stick it out and hope for the best?

I do know what you mean.  DH and I knew from day 1 that if one of us was to do the moving, it would be me.  So that was never a concern for us, but when we finally did decide to move me out to Glasgow, I still had several months in which to tie up my loose ends in the US and get in as much time with my friends and family as I possibly could.  But basically what I ended up doing was living in limbo.  The decision was made, but we couldn't get down to it and start living together for what felt like a long time!  The time apart does pass, though.  My best advice is to enjoy your time in the States now because if you're the one who's doing the moving, you'll probably miss your current surroundings, even if it doesn't seem like you will now.

Thanks.

I think I was just having one of those nights...

Hey Stephoodle, there are a number of us who are currently in limbo at the moment, so feel free to lean us.  Hang in there! 

Maybe I'll feel a bit better after I've been out there (I'm going for a week over Easter... it's all I could spare off from work). He's been out here twice already (darn teachers and all their time off, haha).

This isnt really what you were asking about, but have you not been to the UK before?  If not, I imagine that this is where a lot of your anxiety lies.  IMO, it would be silly to decide to move to a country you have never visited, but I am sure many have done it before.  Good news is: Easter is right around the corner!

No, I haven't been before. Part of the trip is going to be about figuring out if I could like living there.

I don't think it'll be much of an issue (I'll miss some people here, for sure, but I'm used to being away from family and seeing them seldomly... so nothing would change there), other than the little cultural differences, but I'll feel better once I've been there for sure.

And yeah, I know it's not long, really.

I'm just nervous and lonely and have some other stressful things going on as well.

I completely felt like this before we were married and before I applied for visa, and even after I got the visa. Lots of uncertainties. A bit of melancholy. Impatience. Just ready for us to be together and get through all the drama and for me to be settled in and everything. It's tough when things are still up in the air, or even when you have things all figured out, you still find things to feel uncertain about like making friends, being different, finding a job, driving, getting used to the new surroundings. It's a lot to take in, and though most all of us were pretty excited to move over to the UK, I think a lot of us felt some sort of anxiety or melancholy about it, especially in the "consideration" stage, where you are really trying to decide who should move, etc.
Like Devinshire, for us, there wasn't an option because DH has a child here, but it was still pretty heavy to consider leaving everything and everyone I knew behind to move here. The only thing I can suggest is try to relax, and spend as much time with your girlfriends as possible - because if you do move here, you will miss them dearly, and if he moves there, you probably won't see them as much as you did before he moved anyway...    
Hang in there and try to keep yourself occupied. It's all you can do.

Just a warning: the little cultural differences are not that little.  Don't go into it thinking that the UK is just like America except they have accents and drink tea.   I know you dont think that and didnt mean that, but really look deeper than the "little" cultural differences before deciding if the culture is one you could easily assimilate into.  
I think the first time I went to the UK, I didnt even notice many of the differences or the things you do notice are all cute because they are a novelty to you at that time. It wasnt until the 2nd or 3rd time that I was like "oh thats really different!" or "ugh, that bugs me that they do that" or "I LOVE how this is handled differently".  

Good luck to you though!  I always root for the happy endings!  

Haha, I should choose my words better. By "little" I meant those things that one wouldn't notice right off the bat.

I know it's a lot different than here. And it would take getting used to. But I adapt fairly well. I know there will be days I'll be upset and miss home and be totally confused about how things work, but that will probably be made up for by experiencing new things and places and people.

The boyfriend is worth it. And hell, I haven't had all that much adventure in my life as of yet. So that's how I'm viewing it really... and I'm just going to have to figure it out as I go along, and not be afraid of making stupid mistakes.

But yeah. I'll feel better after I've been.

DEFINITELY been there!! It fares well for you that you will still be in the novelty state for a while I think. Takes some of the frustration of the differences out of it. But on the relationship front, it can be very easy to get caught up in the despair of wanting to be together already and feeling like you don't fit in where you're at anymore, etc etc. And chances are you'll still feel like then when/if you move there. But I want to echo what other people have said and say to take it one day at time and look at the positives. Spend time with your family and doing things that you enjoy doing. And good on you for looking at it as an exciting opportunity! Good luck! I hope it doesn't take too terribly long for you two to figure things out. But if it does take longer than you would have hoped, know that many of us have gotten through it (4 year LDR before marriage - 3 months LDR after marriage to this point here!!).

Haha, I should choose my words better. By "little" I meant those things that one wouldn't notice right off the bat.

I know it's a lot different than here. And it would take getting used to. But I adapt fairly well. I know there will be days I'll be upset and miss home and be totally confused about how things work, but that will probably be made up for by experiencing new things and places and people.

The boyfriend is worth it. And hell, I haven't had all that much adventure in my life as of yet. So that's how I'm viewing it really... and I'm just going to have to figure it out as I go along, and not be afraid of making stupid mistakes.

But yeah. I'll feel better after I've been.

I felt exactly like this before I moved, but surprisingly, I haven't been really, truly homesick yet. I did cry for a minute when I saw my family on webcam at Thanksgiving and had a bad night out when I was drunk and weepy about being different (not too bad for 8 months so far), but I must say that overall, I am soooo much more comfortable here than I ever expected to be. Hope it works out that way for you, too! Stay positive!

I was in that limbo for over ten years. Total accident; I'd have run away screaming if I'd known it was going to be that long. One tiresome grownup thing after another came between us and working things out. It was horrible.

Now that it's all over and I'm finally settled, I can say it was totally worth it. Five years ago, when I had no idea how it would shake out? I wouldn't have been so sure.

I hated the limbo of being apart and now we're in the limbo of when we'll move to England. Good luck with the move and I do hope that the cultural differences aren't too much for you. Some things are just more difficult than we expect and I think people are just hoping you are prepared for the fact that it may be a difficult transition and it may not be for everyone. My boyfriend moved here a year and a half ago. He thought he'd have no difficulty since he's half American and he has visited his dad over here every year. He actually found it really difficult and is only now starting to like it over here. I also didn't realize how much it would affect me hearing him pronounce /th/ like /f/ and his /f/ like /v/. I hate it! Just make sure that when you visit you keep in mind that you would be moving there and think about everything with that lens.

I hope your limbo isn't too much longer!

I also didn't realize how much it would affect me hearing him pronounce /th/ like /f/ and his /f/ like /v/. I hate it! 

HAHA! I'm so glad that's not just me! Thankfully, my boyfriend doesn't do that. Some of his friends do, though, and I'm slowly getting used to it. But it used to be pretty grating.

And thanks again, everyone! I'm feeling much better after my minor meltdown last night. I think it was just from keeping it all in so long!

HAHA! I'm so glad that's not just me! Thankfully, my boyfriend doesn't do that. Some of his friends do, though, and I'm slowly getting used to it. But it used to be pretty grating.

And thanks again, everyone! I'm feeling much better after my minor meltdown last night. I think it was just from keeping it all in so long!

Not just you! Glad you're feeling better about things, it's not easy but it makes it that much more special when you finally are done with the LD.