The official UKY inlaw venting thread

Thanks for the support guys.  I guess it's hard because we know part of it is some sort of dementia that she started having soon after she started chemotherapy a few years ago.  She had massive ovarian cysts and they found some cancerous cells, so they started her on chemo.  I guess it wasn't a massive change in functioning levels or personality, but everything got amplified.  Because part of this is due to a medical treatment, I often feel horrible for getting upset by it.

But her daughter moved out almost 30 years ago having many of the the same problems I do with her. 

I would advise anyone who is planning on moving in with in-laws to either really think about it or keep it as short as possible.  I have said time and time again I think living with them has sort of ruined a chance for us to have normal adult relationships with each other.   I am hoping things will get better when we move.  It isn't that I don't care for them, because I do.  I just get really frustrated/overwhelmed/feel like I have no say in anything that goes on in my life.

I would advise anyone who is planning on moving in with in-laws to either really think about it or keep it as short as possible.

This is excellent advice.

Of course, when we moved in here it was meant to be for two months, tops. So we had every intention of making it a short stay. But sometimes things happen. 

I have the greatest sympathy for people who have difficult inlaws, and especially for those who have to live with their inlaws.   

Another one with a packrat MIL.  She recently told us that she had a big clump of my BIL's HAIR in a Ziploc bag saved from about 10 years ago.  She said she keeps asking BIL if he wants it and he says no. We said 'how about throwing it away' and she was horrified that we would suggest such a thing. 

But this made made me laugh out loud! 

Another one with a packrat MIL.  She recently told us that she had a big clump of my BIL's HAIR in a Ziploc bag saved from about 10 years ago.

Sometime in hopefully a distant future:

"....and to my son, I will the treasured giant hairball!"

Sometime in hopefully a distant future:

"....and to my son, I will the treasured giant hairball!"

eeeeewwwwwww

SO irritated with e verything to do with my inlaws today...including the DH. May be just slighlty hormonal . Nonetheless, can't stand being around any of them or in their house today, but I have no choice. Only one more week and we finally move out after 5 months!!

SO irritated with e verything to do with my inlaws today...including the DH. May be just slighlty hormonal . Nonetheless, can't stand being around any of them or in their house today, but I have no choice. Only one more week and we finally move out after 5 months!!

I feel exactly the same way you do, chi_chi_chapi. And I'm very jealous that you only have a week to go!

Yesterday was my FIL's funeral. My MIL was swanning about like she was at a Buckingham Palace tea party and she was the effing Queen. Fortunately, she spent most of the time outside with a cigar hanging out of her mouth, so I didn't have to see much of her. Thank goodness for the smoking ban.

That's aweful about your FIL, I'm sorry to hear it!

.. But this.....

My MIL was swanning about like she was at a Buckingham Palace tea party and she was the effing Queen. Fortunately, she spent most of the time outside with a cigar hanging out of her mouth

... was hilarious!!

I'm hoping it will make everything better when me move. Lately I've been so moody and b*chy and getting annoyed at everything DH does. I'm hoping that it's just being exacerbated by being around his bickering parents in their dirty house and the financial stress of moving. Not been very happy lately at all. We'll see in a few weeks though!

Lately I've been so moody and b*chy and getting annoyed at everything DH does.

I can really relate to that. Living with inlaws puts a ton of pressure on a relationship.

I feel for ya, ladies. *hugs*  And I'm sorry to hear about your FIL, Chary.

My Hubba Bubba and I have been living with my MIL since the day I moved over.  She has dementia, and I've been her carer basically since day one.  I now am in charge of her medication orders, making sure he takes her pills, etc.  But, my husband and I haven't had a REAL relationship yet, tbh.

But, thankfully, now that I have a job, after our holiday in late Sept./early Oct. we're going to SERIOUSLY look for a place and get out a.s.a.p.  So atleast there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

And I'm glad you and your DH are getting to move out soon, Chi.

Chary, are you and your husband looking for your own place then?  Or no?

Chary, are you and your husband looking for your own place then?  Or no?

We've bought a place, but are having extensive work done on it - work that never seems to end. Hopefully, we'll be in by the end of September.

I know that I have nothing on some of you but my soon-to-be MIL drives me nuts.  Or generally spending time with the ILs becomes a mission.

BF and I are moving in together next weekend.  We haven't been able to pack and prep until about a week ago.  Well because BF is giving up his place (and his parents treated it like a holiday home), they decided to come stay all last week, without asking.  How are we to pack with them around (short answer, we weren't able)?  Then SIL and family decided to pop down for the weekend out of the blue.  6 people total in addition to us.

BF had a convo with his mother -- who is a packrat -- about how we have loads of duplicates and would be getting rid of things (to a charity shop, not throwing in the bin).  During her last visit she bought BF some £5 tumblers because he has a tendancy to break glasses -- he didn't ask her to buy them and they have never been used since.  So at the mention of us getting rid of some things, she started obsessing about the tumblers -- were we going to bin those, surely we needed glasses for orange juice in the morning, etc.  BF said that she could take them if she wanted, if she would use them.  She had a tantrum, near tears.  OVER THE FLIPPLING TUMBLERS.

On Saturday, when we were supposed to be packing, we had to go out for the nice family day -- since 6 of them came down for a visit (that they didn't ask us to do).  These people plan nothing, everything takes an hour later than you think, and then everyone gets angry because there is no plan.  BF's flat is currently a 3 minute walk from mine.  They say they are outside and walking to mine and they arrive 20 minutes later.  We took a boat ride on the Thames which was supposed to just be the regular public transportation, and actually it was an almost 2 hour tour.  We went all the way to Greenwich to the Observatory, but just for SIL to go to the gift shop.  And on and on. 

This evening, I was walking by the washing machine and noticed that my MIL's load of clothes seemed very soapy.  Like, dangerously soapy.  I've been having problems with sensitive skin in recent months (I've posted about it), and I have been trying practically every soap under the sun trying to figure out what soaps cause it (or don't cause it).  My husband has been having problems as well.

I think we figured out what soap it is.  My mother-in-law's soap!

So, I have run two empty loads (tomorrow is our day to use the washing machine we bought).  I am hoping the final rinse will be clear in the current load, but it was pretty soapy early in the cycle.

I'd run another cycle, but it's late.  I will probably end up having to cut into our "laundry day" rinsing it again.

Of course, if we said anything to her about it, she'd deny putting too much in, just like she denied using the drawer for powder (cold washes no less). She can do no wrong. [Edit: I use liquid or liquid tabs in the wash, and I stopped using the drawer in an effort to keep the tubes from clogging up when she sticks powder in the draw, in all slots, including the fabric softener slot.  At first I thought it was the left over powder in the softener slot that may have been causing the skin problems or our hard to rinse clothes.  I swear the foam with the wash today was so bad that I searched around the washer to make sure it hadn't seeped out.  It was like sitcom amounts of suds.]

Living with inlaws puts a ton of pressure on a relationship.

I imagine it would! My in-laws are very sweet, but living with them would drive me nuts. Already, since they live across the street, my FIL drops by early on weekend mornings when we have my stepson and seems shocked that I am still in my pjs at 8 am.  He talks really loudly, too, so whoever is supposed to be claiming the lie-in that morning ends up getting up early anyway because of his booming voice. If he sees us come out of our door and he has come out of his door (they are down the street on the opposite side, so sort of a long diagonal from us) he starts shouting to us so that every neighbour can hear.

Hilarious, but embarrassing, he dropped by unannounced last Friday evening (at least MIL always calls first) and as he walks in the back door he shouts "Are you on the floor?" (meaning are we doing the rock and roll hoochie coo or what?) and then we say no, come in, since he is already in, of course. Then he comes in and sits down, and I had just taken my bra off before we settled in to watch this movie and its draped over the chair, but I have forgotten about this. He sits down in the chair and says "HOOOO, who's waterwings are these? You wanna get these away, mind...."
LOL. he is funny, and sweet, and he was bringing us some fresh veg from his garden and some homemade goodies, but he does know how to work his ticket sometimes.

My fiance's family is coming to town this weekend. He has a new apt since last time they visited him, and he really wants them to see it. They always stay at a popular gambling place about an hour away from here when they "come visit." DF invited them over for supper on Saturday. At first his mom had to "think about it" then she accepted.

We spent over an hour at the grocery store last night getting all the "right" food and drinks. Then his mom texted him today and asked him if a late supper would be ok. I told him to ask how late. She wants to come at 9pm or later. For supper! And she can't even give DF a damn reason for it.  I'd say cancel the whole damn thing but we already bought all the stuff to cook.