The official UKY inlaw venting thread

What's wrong with seeking attention by wearing a pink coat anyway?! Sounds like positive and harmless attention to me. 

Definitely agree!  The thing with my friend though was not that she was (not consciously anyway) seeking attention at all--she just loved pink so much--like ImissEngland does.

DF's mother has screwed up Thanksgiving plans. Our mom's both live in the same city. My dad lives in a different state.

She just decided that they are coming here on Friday to "spend time with her DF's family" DF had been planing on going to that town for T-giving. That's what they agreed on, that's what's been set. DF then said well if they were coming here on Friday, then he wasn't going to drive in on Weds, see them Thursday then be there alone when they left. So they then decided that they were going to just come here on Weds.

They offered for my sister to ride with them and me meet them 1/2 way as that would take off some serious drive time for me. But FMIL's husband smokes. And he decided he couldn't go without smoking for the three hours it takes to get from their town to where I'm meeting them. FMIL suggested my sister could ride behind her and husband would "crack the window" so the smoke wouldn't bother my sister.   Uh no. Sorry. That's not going to keep her from getting sick from his smoke. (She has asthma/allergies) He said there was no way in hell he was going three hours in HIS CAR (uhh..last time I checked DF's mom had the car before she met him) without smoking.  

Then all of a sudden they "couldn't find a hotel room" for DF's sister (no problem finding one for themselves) so she's staying with DF. DF did not check with me before he said okay.  I have Christmas stuff and work stuff scattered all over the living room. The spare bed room is an organized mess of wedding stuff. I had promised my dad I would bake about 6 things to take with me to his place for T-giving.   DF is writing his senior thesis now and going out of town Monday for work so he can't help me clean.

And to his family and my family I say:  

DF's mother has screwed up Thanksgiving plans. Our mom's both live in the same city. My dad lives in a different state.

She just decided that they are coming here on Friday to "spend time with her DF's family" DF had been planing on going to that town for T-giving. That's what they agreed on, that's what's been set. DF then said well if they were coming here on Friday, then he wasn't going to drive in on Weds, see them Thursday then be there alone when they left. So they then decided that they were going to just come here on Weds.

They offered for my sister to ride with them and me meet them 1/2 way as that would take off some serious drive time for me. But FMIL's husband smokes. And he decided he couldn't go without smoking for the three hours it takes to get from their town to where I'm meeting them. FMIL suggested my sister could ride behind her and husband would "crack the window" so the smoke wouldn't bother my sister.   Uh no. Sorry. That's not going to keep her from getting sick from his smoke. (She has asthma/allergies) He said there was no way in hell he was going three hours in HIS CAR (uhh..last time I checked DF's mom had the car before she met him) without smoking.  

Then all of a sudden they "couldn't find a hotel room" for DF's sister (no problem finding one for themselves) so she's staying with DF. DF did not check with me before he said okay.  I have Christmas stuff and work stuff scattered all over the living room. The spare bed room is an organized mess of wedding stuff. I had promised my dad I would bake about 6 things to take with me to his place for T-giving.   DF is writing his senior thesis now and going out of town Monday for work so he can't help me clean.

And to his family and my family I say:  

I dated someone for 10 years and my relationship with his family mirrored yours quite a bit.  They were rude and inconsiderate.  They constantly changed plans at last minute.  I didn't realise it at the time but I was desparate for them to like me, even though they were horrible people.  So I always just made all their inconiderate changes work -- usually at the expense of my family, my time or my happiness.  They never changed and I have to say that my inability to just say no or do my own thing regardless seriously contributed to that.  I now look back at all the Christmases I missed with my family, to accommodate their weirdness,  and it is sad. 

I guess the point is, these people aren't going to change.  They will always upset you and put you out.  Do you really want to be miserable about them the rest of your married life?  If they change plans and it was when you were going to do x, well then do what you were going to.  If you can't accommodate company, then say no.  And if your BF has to go back and say that he was mistaken, well he does.  And if it is awkward, then he darn well remember to speak to you about it next time.  You have to set boundaries or you will be the only one unhappy.

And if your BF has to go back and say that he was mistaken, well he does.  And if it is awkward, then he darn well remember to speak to you about it next time.  You have to set boundaries or you will be the only one unhappy.

I agree with this & it is good advice.  This:

DF did not check with me before he said okay...  DF is writing his senior thesis now and going out of town Monday for work so he can't help me clean...

Well it sounds like DF has a problem to sort out with his family to me!

I guess the point is, these people aren't going to change.  They will always upset you and put you out.  Do you really want to be miserable about them the rest of your married life?  If they change plans and it was when you were going to do x, well then do what you were going to.  If you can't accommodate company, then say no.  And if your BF has to go back and say that he was mistaken, well he does.  And if it is awkward, then he darn well remember to speak to you about it next time.  You have to set boundaries or you will be the only one unhappy.

I couldn't have said it better myself!

For Pete's sake, how ridiculous.    Reminds me of a good friend of mine who loves pink.  She had a wool winter coat in pink.  Her therapist suggested she was seeking attention by having a pink coat, which almost nobody else has, instead of a black or grey coat which is more normal.  Thank god she got rid of that quack.

I just bought a BRIGHT BRIGHT BRIGHT (not neon, but really bright) pink coat.  I thought I bought it because I actually like pink and I already have 4 black/grey coats and the majority of the clothing I have is black, grey, white or brown and I felt like I needed something to spruce up the drabness of my current attire and England in general (bring a little sunshine into my life so to speak)...guess I'm secretly an attention hog too though!  I'm so glad that shrinks are able to see our true desires!!

My MIL sent a birthday package for me/DH (both our birthdays are this month). It contained:

- two bars of Dove soap (like broken off from a multi-bar pack)
- a small used jigsaw puzzle from Goodwill with price tag of 99 cents
- pair of fuzzy stretchy gloves for me (Goodwill)
- fleece scarf for DH (we think) (also Goodwill)
- a plaque that says 'Give us this day our daily bread' or something like that

 

How much you wanna bet there's a piece missing from that puzzle?

How much you wanna bet there's a piece missing from that puzzle?

Ha ha!  At my job in the charity shop, people sometimes ask me if a puzzle is complete.  Like I (or anyone!) sits there and does nothing but jigsaw puzzles all day because I just don't have enough to do at work. 

Sometimes sweet people who donate a puzzle will write on the box "Complete" and then put the date.  Once a donated puzzle had written on it "One piece missing" and then put an arrow and circled the exact spot on the picture on the box of where the missing piece would have been. 

How much you wanna bet there's a piece missing from that puzzle?

I am happy to report that we made the puzzle and it was complete!

I just bought a boring black coat so I would look proffesional and I hate it! I wish I had gotten a pink one.

DF is spending thanksgiving with his family And they are going to be eating At a very red neck casino. I'll be having a nice home cooked meal with my family. Fmil was insulted that i wasn't cooking for them/changing my plans.  I left a few homemade cookies for df , but not enough for him to share.

Next year df and I will be married And will have to split Xmas and thanksgiving between four parents in three cities who all pretty much don't like each other. There is no way anyone/everyone is going to be happy. I'm dreading it Already. But df and I agree that no matter what, we Are spending holidays together next year. And when we have kids, we'll stay home and start our own traditions.

And when we have kids, we'll stay home and start our own traditions.

You don't have to wait til you have kids!  When you're married you can have all th holidays at your place on your terms.  You can invite everyone, and if they come, good, if not, probaby even better.

You don't have to wait til you have kids!  When you're married you can have all th holidays at your place on your terms.  You can invite everyone, and if they come, good, if not, probaby even better.

that's sounding very tempting. Df and his family had their thanksgiving meal at the redneck casino buffet. When df was telling me all this, I was very careful not to say anything negative about his family, but to be sympathetic.

Fmil's husband invited a random stranger to eat with them. Then her husband and the stranger dominated the conversation for the entire meal, so they df didn't really get to talk to his mom and sister.

 Then fmil's husband and df got into an argument about politics. Then her husband pretty much attacted df and said he was an idiot for writting his senior thesis the way he is writting it, and should write it a different way.  

Fmil's husband didn't go to college and knows nothing about engineering. Which makes his "advice" even more annoying to df.

I had a lovely drama free meal that I cooked with my dad and sister.

  I swear, sometimes, MIL is just like this "end of the world smiley"!

Why must everything that happens have a comment, or a story?!

And how is it that things that happened today....happened to someone else in either MIL or FIL's family,like 20 or 30 years ago?!  

Why can't the weather just pass us by without anyone having to say, "Ugh, it's horrible!" yes, it's horrible, but, that's just what happens in the middle of November in the UK, right?! And why is everything a disaster or a nightmare, when it's really not?

People just have to think outside of the box, not just grumble and mutter and moan about stuff! ARGH!!!!!!

This has been doing my head in since I got here-in July! What's the big deal?! Can't they just do stuff without complaining about it before, during and after?!  

And why do they have to talk when we're watching telly?! I'm trying to pay attention to what's on telly, because I'm interested. Why does MIL have to make a comment about everything, therefore, I can't listen or hear what's on telly?! *sigh!*

Ok, thanks for letting me vent. I feel better.  

I swear, sometimes, MIL is just like this "end of the world smiley"!

Why must everything that happens have a comment, or a story?!

And how is it that things that happened today....happened to someone else in either MIL or FIL's family,like 20 or 30 years ago?!  

Why can't the weather just pass us by without anyone having to say, "Ugh, it's horrible!" yes, it's horrible, but, that's just what happens in the middle of November in the UK, right?! And why is everything a disaster or a nightmare, when it's really not?

People just have to think outside of the box, not just grumble and mutter and moan about stuff! ARGH!!!!!!

This has been doing my head in since I got here-in July! What's the big deal?! Can't they just do stuff without complaining about it before, during and after?!  

And why do they have to talk when we're watching telly?! I'm trying to pay attention to what's on telly, because I'm interested. Why does MIL have to make a comment about everything, therefore, I can't listen or hear what's on telly?! *sigh!*

Ok, thanks for letting me vent. I feel better.  

Sounds to me like she's just trying to make conversation...