The official UKY inlaw venting thread

That's a lovely gift idea.  Maybe you could suggest that instead of exchanging gifts in the future you just all pick a charity and make individual donations (the amounts given would be secret.)

My ex's family started doing a wonderful thing a couple years before we got divorced, in lieu of buying gifts for each other.  I don't remember what the charity was called, but basically you pick a family from a list (only first names given and ages of the children) that lives in your city or area and that family has a wishlist.  The families are poverty level and would  not be able to afford gifts  normally.  Everyone from my ex's family would just pick stuff off of the family's wishlist, you could get as many or as few of the gifts as you felt you could afford. We'd all get together for a big Christmas party, and pile all of the wrapped gifts up and looked so festive and we knew how happy and appreciated all that stuff would be.  Some of the gifts were things the family simply needed because they were so poor, as well as fun things.

We used to do that when I was in school.  It was easily my favourite part of the holidays. I *loved* going out and buying those gifts. Thanks for reminding me of that!

On the crazy in-law lines, my FIL just called DH to let him know that we *have* to go round to his for dinner on Christmas Eve.  His reasoning? His new wife feels that we like Pete's mum more and is feeling insecure. Now, I understand wanting to make his new wife happy, but she a) doesn't speak very much English (she's from Japan, they met online) and b) HATES cooking and having people over.  The last time we had dinner at their house, it was a plate of Tesco cold cuts and ribena.  With a bottle of salad cream. Erp.  It's really just a power play on his part. Luckily, my DH is amazing and said "okay, but we've already told Mum we're staying with her so, we can only stay for dinner and then we'll have to leave." I can only imagine the spluttering that went on after that proclamation.

That is indeed a sickness. 

I know, it is sad. 

His new wife feels that we like Pete's mum more and is feeling insecure.

Umm... so his dad just recently married this woman and she is afraid your husband might like his own mother more than her? Seriously??!!

Umm... so his dad just recently married this woman and she is afraid your husband might like his own mother more than her? Seriously??!!

Seriously!  They got married about a year ago, and, at one point Pete's Mum *signed* the same Christmas card as Pete's sister (thus, making it from both of them) which was then sent to FIL, and the new wife sent a rather nasty email telling Pete's Mum to £$£ off and that he was *hers* now. Well, 1) good riddance he's all hers and 2) her English, as I have mentioned, is suspect so *I* personally think she was wound up/helped along in her anger by FIL.

Yep, dinner should be fantastic. 

Ahhh, families.

I have no idea if I posted on this thread.  I have a MIL who is from the dark side, not like the Darth Vader who sees the light at the end, kind of dark side.  Like pure on Emperor Dark side. 

I feel for all those who have problems with malicious in laws, it is horrible.  Horrible I tell you!!!!

My MIL hoards stuff just to hoard it.  Not because she thinks it's going to be valuable some day, but just because she can't bear to throw anything away.  Even old toilet paper rolls.  Seriously. 

That sounds like DH's late grandad, whose house we now own. When we were clearing the house, we found an entire box of those plastic stick-up air-fresheners. Used, not new. Just the round plastic bit. He saved a whole box of them.

(And, yes, in case you were wondering - he was the father of my insane MIL.)

Today MIL came over for a cup of tea after work.  She was telling us about an herbal remedy that we can use in addition to anti-anxiety medicine for DH on our flight to America.  DH responded by saying, "That sounds good then" and she got upset because she said there was no need to be sarcastic with her.  DH and I were completely confused and he told her he wasn't being sarcastic and he thinks it's a good idea, but then she started crying and they had a long talk and he tried to get her to calm down.  She went on to say that we don't reach out to them and she feels like no one cares about her.  MIL has had a cold for a few weeks so she hasn't been feeling well which was part of it, but DH has been calling her almost every day to ask how she's feeling and they haven't called us just to chat in weeks.

We just can't believe how sensitive they are.  We've already worked out that we can hardly ever disagree with them because they think we're being argumentative.  We also can't talk about our own achievements near Step-FIL because then he feels like we're comparing him negatively to us, but if we don't mention anything about DH's freelance work then we're keeping things from them, which is a lose lose situation since DH's freelance is going quite well. Today we went out of our way to try to be nice to MIL (DH opened the gate to the drive, turned on the outside lights for us before we got home, and had MIL's tea ready on arrival so she could get home sooner to walk the dog) and reaching out ended up backfiring.  This is the main reason I'm glad we moved out of their house, because DH and I have already developed a complex of being overly worried about what we say to everyone now in case we cause offense.

The main reason I feel mad enough to actually post this (since on the whole the inlaws are incredibly sweet people with good intentions) is that after MIL left DH was the most upset I've seen him in the past 6 months.  Seriously seriously upset for about 2 hours after she left and I know that this'll make us have to be even more careful around them for the next few weeks.  Aargh. 

This is the main reason I'm glad we moved out of their house, because DH and I have already developed a complex of being overly worried about what we say to everyone now in case we cause offense.

The main reason I feel mad enough to actually post this (since on the whole the inlaws are incredibly sweet people with good intentions) is that after MIL left DH was the most upset I've seen him in the past 6 months.  Seriously seriously upset for about 2 hours after she left and I know that this'll make us have to be even more careful around them for the next few weeks.  Aargh. 

Ugh. Walking on eggshells really sucks, man! My own mother is like that sometimes - overly dramatic and sensitive. I hate that. 

Ugh.  We have gotten yet another package from MIL.  This time it's two religious books.  One is like a new-age story about angels and God and the other is like a journal.  The journal is set up so you have a question on every page with lines underneath for you to answer it.  The first few seemed harmless: 'describe your grandparents' home' or 'describe your favorite holiday memory'.  Then I went deeper and there was 'describe the first time you let God into your heart' and 'what was your first communion like?'.  Um, no.  We do not want this.  I don't think MIL understands that her own SON is not a Christian!!

MIL included a note saying she hoped these books agreed with our views.    I would feel really bad giving these to Goodwill but I don't want them in my home!  

Geeta, is she Christian?

Oh yes. She's actually a Quaker. Married to a Hindu with a Mormon son, a Hindu son, a non-denominational daughter, and a Mormon bishop as a brother.

If she's an unprogrammed Quaker she might think that people are more open to different religious/spiritual stuff than they are.  Most unprogrammed (or "liberal") Quakers don't identify as Christians (although some do), although most will find inspiration/enlightenment from Christian texts and ideas.  Sort of like Unitarians in a way.  Like quieter Unitarians.  As I said, she might just be applying that sort of openness to everyone.

If she's a conservative Quaker (they usually hold more traditional services with a preacher, but some do do unprogrammed meetings), she might be trying to convert you.  Still, they tend to be a bit more open than other Christians, so it might just be her wanting to offer comfort, a chance at growth, etc. 

Either way, you shouldn't feel bad about getting rid of it.

This reminds me of what my MIL did on my birthday. She gave me a £20 cheque knowing full well I don't have a UK bank account, my US bank won't accept it (tried whilst visiting last month), my husband can't put in his account because I'm not on it (no point really) and I'd be a right ass if I handed her cheque back to her and asked for cash.

She gave my husband a Christmas card & a cheque a few days ago. The card says 'Merry Christmas to my Son'. She gave our daughter a Card as well. I love being excluded. Especially since my family sent gifts home with us to give to her and we purchase a very expensive scarf in SF for her...

Feel the love... Maybe it's because I asked her to stop yelling at my daughter and warned her not to hit my daughter ever again...ya think?

Yeah, Geeta--give those books to a charity or a church--don't feel badly.

WebyJ--so sorry--your MIL is so cruel. 

On the religious front, I sometimes get forwarded emails from my Dad about very political, Zionist type stuff and very political pro-Israel, anti-Arab stuff--like Isreal never did anything wrong ever and the Arab countries are always wrong about everything.    To top it off I am one of the least politcal people I know--I'm a total pacifist hippy girl.  If I ever say anything or ask a question I get a lecture that goes on and on and accusations that I am turning my back on my faith.  By the way, my Dad was not like this when I was growing up and never even bothered to take me to synogogue services when I wanted to go. 

I would feel really bad giving these to Goodwill but I don't want them in my home!  

Chuck 'em.