The official UKY inlaw venting thread

I agree. My inlaws are lovely people, but 4 days at their house is more than enough for me. I couldn't stand not being able to cook for myself and my husband, watch what I want on TV, and just having privacy with my husband!

To be fair, my in-laws really have tried to make me feel at home here.  They let me cook when I want to, and compromise with the TV viewing, and FIL always does the washing up, even when I've made a huge mess in the kitchen (I'm a very messy cook).  Living with them has been nowhere near as bad as it could have been, and not as bad as I know it was for some of you.  I'm very grateful to them, but I am also most definitely ready to have my own space, to use my own things, and most of all not to have someone always looking over my shoulder, nosing into my business, and critiquing what I do, however well-meaning the critique may be.  I actually think the well-meaningness might make it worse.  If MIL were just an interfering cow then I could hate her and wouldn't feel the need to hold little resentments in.  But she's not a cow at all, she's really very nice and generous, and the annoyances really just come from too much proximity for too long.  Once we move out, I don't think I'll have any problems with her.  Adults need control of their space, and I think part of the reason they treat us like children (and why I feel a bit like a child in this situation) is because we aren't in control and we are dependent on them.  Sigh.

Anyway, we're finally looking at flats, so with any luck we'll be out of here in a few weeks.  Wish me luck   

I suppose this situation's just like everything in life-there's good bits, and bad bits. I just wish there was more of a balance, in my situation.  I also suppose that it takes a bit of getting used to for me, because I haven't been in a "family situation" for a long time. Just lived with roommates.

Plus, of course, I just always wish that I were slim and had lighter skin, and a flawless face. To use a celeb as a reference point, I wish I looked more like Myleene Klass. Granted, she probably has a great physical trainer, and can afford posh makeup, but, if there was anyone for me to choose to look like, it would be her.

Most of the time, I deal well enough, mainly because DH just sees me as I am, and likes me anyway. I think it's mainly when I'm already having a bad day that my self-esteem goes to the lower levels.

In the end, DH and I can only save up as much as we can, and get out when we can. It's just nice knowing that I'm not alone in this, and that other people have had this same situation, too.  

Okay, I made a Tumblr group blog (although we could move it somewhere like wordpress or blogspot if people would rather.  For now, we'll try tumblr out.  Basically, you will need to pm me your email for an invite to post in the blog.  

Use it to vent.  Use it to post positive, ambivalent, and funny things as well.  Just try to keep it about living with the inlaws:

http://extendedfam.tumblr.com/

So, I got "put in my place" this morning think.

[back story:DH and I have been having issues with our mattress. At first, we thought it was just that DH just didn't sleep well in general. As time went on, we've realised that our mattress just isn't for us.]

This morning, I went into the kitchen, and put my glass down, and Fail asked if I was going to go for my shower. I chuckled and said, "Yeah, hopefully it'll help me wake up!"

Then, when I came back into the kitchen after my shower, because I had to get the dust rag so that I could do my chores, they were talking to each other, and then Mil looked up and said(in a tone that clearly said that I should stop whinging, I think), "Well, none of us wants to wake up in THIS weather, do we?"

Ah. Yes. I shall go and find my "fake eternally happy face". I'm glad I remembered to pack it[sarcasm].

I could also be blowing stuff out of proportion because I'm knackered, though.

Thank God DH ordered a new mattress-it's coming on Thursday!

Okay, I made a Tumblr group blog (although we could move it somewhere like wordpress or blogspot if people would rather.  For now, we'll try tumblr out.  Basically, you will need to pm me your email for an invite to post in the blog.  

Use it to vent.  Use it to post positive, ambivalent, and funny things as well.  Just try to keep it about living with the inlaws:

http://extendedfam.tumblr.com/

but... everyone already uses this thread to vent!

Yeah, but this thread covers more than just living with inlaws, and not everything about living with inlaws needs to be vented.  Some of it is positive.  After a comment by me in another thread, some people expressed interest in doing a group blog, so I set it up. 

Some of it is positive. 

News to me!    

I've posted on the tumblr blog, but, nobody talks back to me. :/ It's kinda lonely! 

So, here's a question for women who are also living with the in-laws right now: What's you're "dream"?

Here's mine: Being able to cook for DH and myself, and being able to have friends and family over to ours when/if we like. Getting out of bed at 11am on Saturday and/or Sunday without feeling like a git. Not eating chips/potatoes all the time. Walking around the house in a tank top, pj bottoms and my bathrobe if I want to. Blasting music during the daytime while I clean the house. Doing chores with DH and having fun doing them. Going back to bed after DH has gone to work, if I want to. Watching silly things on telly without feeling like a git. Drinking alcohol if I want to. Going out without having to say where I'm going, and when I'll be back. Just pop a sarnie in a backpack, grab some money, the mobile, and go! Not having every situation and experience told and retold at least ten times. Knowing where stuff in the kitchen is, and where it goes. Not feeling like I'm invading some one else's territory. Doors not being open and shut a bunch of times during the day. The list could go on and on, of course, but, that's all I could think of right now.

I've been meaning to post over there, but I've been a bit busy the past week or so.

Definitely dreamt about almost all those things when I was living with the inlaws.  I eventually put my foot down and started cooking for Mr A and myself, but not everyone could probably manage that much kitchen time from their inlaws.  Very early in my stay there, they became more and more dependent upon us financially, so they really couldn't do much.  My MIL did make it as PITA as possible, including at one point I wasn't able to use the kitchen until 8:30-9PM with Mr A having to go to sleep at 11pm-12mid at the latest.

I don't really take my kitchen for granted now.  That (and not having to schedule everything including showers, laundry time, etc) is probably the biggest change.  Plus the quiet and privacy.

I am looking forward to family and friends starting to come to visit later this year.

As much as I know what it's like to feel you have to tell people where you're going and when you come back, it shouldn't be something you have to do.  If it is about dinner, just saying whether you'll be in or not should suffice.  You're an adult and shouldn't need to explain things further.  Your husband should sort this out.  If it's a sticky situation with you really needing the place to stay financially, something should be worked out.  It doesn't have to be an argument, but house "rules" should be reasonable when they involve adults.  Especially adults who are not their children.

I did the living with in-laws thing for 3 months, and it was undoubtedly the worst time in my life.  I wouldn't wish it on anyone.

As much as I know what it's like to feel you have to tell people where you're going and when you come back, it shouldn't be something you have to do.  If it is about dinner, just saying whether you'll be in or not should suffice.  You're an adult and shouldn't need to explain things further.  Your husband should sort this out.  If it's a sticky situation with you really needing the place to stay financially, something should be worked out.  It doesn't have to be an argument, but house "rules" should be reasonable when they involve adults.  Especially adults who are not their children.

Yeah, I kinda walk around on egg shells around the in-laws, esp MiL, I feel like. DH has gotten used to the "family routine", and even though it does his head in as well, he just goes along with it. And so do I, I suppose, by some kind of default.

We live here because he's not been able to afford to live on his own, and once I'm earning proper money, we'll live in our own place. I don't even care if it's a real house or a council house or a flat or whatever it is. I just want a space where we have free reign and say over everything that we do.

On the up side, MiL did take me to the doctor's office today, for my first ever UK doctor's visit, and the doc recommended x-rays, and she's also going to take me to Leighton hospital tomorrow.

We have our good days and our bad days, I suppose. And....well, some days can be utterly pants. But, like you said, I'll never take my kitchen-nor, for that matter-my bathroom for granted!

My MIL sent us a card and she said she received my donation on her behalf for her birthday (which I made to Catholic Charities in a backhanded jibe as she doesn't like Catholicism).  She said thank you specifically to me, obviously knowing I was the one who did it (rather than DH).  Hee!  I do think she appreciated it though.

Oh, and the other day, SIL called our landline for DH (he was on his cell).  I pick up the phone and say hello.  She says, 'Hello, may I talk to DHname?'  I was like, who the heck...okay, sure.  Who is this?  She says, 'Oh, it's SILname!'  Wouldn't you usually say hello to your SIL if she picked up the phone when you were calling, rather than acting like a business person or telemarketer?  She is strange.

We just received SIL's package. It contains presents for everyone including my sister's husband (but not my sister) and my dad (but not my mom). What kind of logic is that??

Forgot to follow up on this!  DH was on the phone with SIL and she asked how everyone liked the gifts.  DH said, well, fine, but you didn't get anything for geeta's sister!  She said, 'Oh, I didn't?  Oh, well, better luck next year!'

  

Oh, well, better luck next year!'

  

 

That's so awful it's almost funny!

So, this has been a question that's been on my mind for a few months now.

Why do things need to be "aired"?


MiL said last night that putting DH's pj's under his pillow wouldn't air them out. She puts a bed heater thing into our bed for us, and she mentioned the pj thing this morning. What the HECK does it mean, specifically? I looked on google, but, there were no answers. I checked Wiki, same thing. Is it just a phrase that only MiL uses? Why does it matter? It probably only matters to her, but, I want to know. Thanks!