The official UKY inlaw venting thread

I think it's really hard not having your own family in the UK, you have your own ways of communication, understanding and support that is totally different with your own family. It'd be the same with a USC and a USC too, but maybe it makes matters worse because the cultures are different?

I'm lucky in that I have a lot of aunts, uncles and cousins here on my side of the family. So, for me, it's less a question of culture and more a question of other people's families just being plain weird!

That's a good point lol.

So, for me, it's less a question of culture and more a question of other people's families just being plain weird!

Having read most of your stories, I will second that!

Compared to them, we are so cluttered & dirty at our house.  I am so inadequate!    (but that's me putting that on myself, not them...still couldn't they try to be just a little more untidy & disorganised to make me feel better?!)

I think I saw a bumper sticker, (remember them?) that said "a clean car is the sign of a sick mind"

I was thinking of a guy doing work on our 'ouse and he said he washed his car every day.

Going back to your MIL do you remember a movie where the woman had plastic covers over her furniture and plastic runners on the carpet so that they wouldn't get soiled.

The closest we come to this is we do not wear our shoes in the house.

Back in England I remember as a boy we use to bring the bicycles into the house and leave them in the hallway next to the banisters. Imagine that with the rain dripping off them. Fortunately we had a tile floor.

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Thanks, I feel better!!!!!!! 

Awww, phatbeetle, I hope all that growling made you feel better!!

LOL! That made me feel better too, L!

Last night, my bf and I were making supper. We told FMIL and FFIL that it would be ready at 7:45. Ten minutes before that, FMIL came into the kitchen and started making a snack for herself because she was "so hungry."

 

Oh, Chary, that would piss me off too.

Similar: The last time my inlaws came over for lunch.. they arrived THREE HOURS EARLY.

LOL! That made me feel better too, L!

Last night, my bf and I were making supper. We told FMIL and FFIL that it would be ready at 7:45. Ten minutes before that, FMIL came into the kitchen and started making a snack for herself because she was "so hungry."

 

My boyfriend does that all the time! It's so rude!

GRRRRRR

Mine is that DB is struggling financially (I pay all the rent and bills anyway and he gives me a contribution to help out a bit as he's a student and with the move things are very tight) and for several reasons couldn't come away with me on a little trip so I'm going with friends instead, and there just seems to be lots of passive agressive energy over it, "oh, she's going away...how nice...for her."
At the end of the day, we're not married and even if we were I'd want to control my own money and go away with friends - alot and If they were giving him the $150 a month they promised him before he moved over he'd be able to go as well.

GRRR!

My in-laws have been really great in a lot of ways, they have made me feel welcome and have been very generous with letting me stay with them and helping me adjust, etc.  The trouble is that now, after 4 months, it's starting to wear a bit thin.  I really thought that DH and I would have our own place by now, but since I am STILL not working, we can't afford it.  And even though MIL is still very nice, I know that she talks to DH about me behind my back, that she thinks my taste is too expensive (she has a point there, but I'd rather have one nice thing than ten cheap ones, which is her preference), that I could get a job in admin (like hers) if I just tried, despite the fact that I have no admin experience and the market is glutted with qualified people applying for those jobs, that I'm untidy (another fair point, though I do try), etc etc, and I'm really starting to feel like a burden.  If she'd just talk to me about the things that annoy her, it would be OK, but the not-mentioning-them turns them into huge big deals and I start to feel guilty about being who I am and like I need to tread lightly all the time which is going to become intolerable if we have to stay here for months and months.  She's always asking me questions about what DH and I are doing, and questions about my activities, and questions about my plans and our plans and our finances, and it's like she's all up in our business all the time!  And she's always so negative.  There's always something wrong with everything, and I'm getting tired of agreeing with her negative comments out of politeness.  I could handle all of this, though, because she really is a nice person, if only I didn't have to live in her house and see her every day.  I just need a bit of space and privacy, and everything will be fine.  But I worry about ruining my relationship with her before we can manage to move.  And to top it all off DH doesn't really understand what my problem is.  He has lived with his parents off and on all his adult life, and though his mother gets on his nerves, he's used to her and he doesn't get why I'm so adamant to move.  Part of it is that he's hung up on the idea of staying here until we can buy a house, which will be half past never in this economy, with me unemployed.  But I'm starting to think it would be better if we just rented a hole in the wall somewhere, at least we'd have our own space.  I'm constantly torn between being very grateful for her generosity, and wanting to get the h3ll out of here!  Not fun.       

But I'm starting to think it would be better if we just rented a hole in the wall somewhere, at least we'd have our own space.   

I second this 100%!
Living with in-laws isn't good.

I second this 100%!
Living with in-laws isn't good.

Agreed.  I think I'd die if I had to live with mine.

My MIL has just sent DH an email saying she sent us a book.  He asked what book.  She said it's a book about strengthening your marriage.     She is constantly sending articles from magazines and newspapers on this topic.  I think she's trying to 'help' since DH is the only one who's still married out of the three kids.   

He has lived with his parents off and on all his adult life, and though his mother gets on his nerves, he's used to her

Same with me!! But I think now (after nearly A FULL YEAR of living with them) he's coming round and is seeing them through my eyes. So now he's totally on board and knows they (MIL, in particular) are certifiable.

Not that I'm saying you should stay for another eight months!

I agree - if you can rent somewhere, get out! We didn't because we thought it would only be two months to start with. Then we thought, oh, only another month. We can last. Etc. And now here we are a year on.

I don't have any advice, but just wanted to extend my sympathy to everyone living with their inlaws.  It's so difficult.  I only did it for seven weeks, but I was counting the days.  I really don't know how people survive it in countries where it is, or has been, the norm.  Chary, your situation would have me in tears.  Hang in there. 

I agree - if you can rent somewhere, get out! We didn't because we thought it would only be two months to start with. Then we thought, oh, only another month. We can last. Etc. And now here we are a year on.

That is exactly what's happening with us!  I keep thinking, well, it's OK, it won't be much longer now...  But we've already been here nearly two months longer than we'd originally planned.  Part of the problem is that it's pretty clear that I won't be able to find work in such a rural area, so our plan was to wait until I found a job, then decide where to move based on where I'm working.  But since I'm not working not only do we not have enough money to move, but also no idea of where to go!  I'm terrified because if I don't find work soon, things could get really bad in a lot of ways.  And yet strangely, I get the impression that another thing that bothers the MIL is my evident desire to move out, and away from the village.  Go figure.