The official UKY inlaw venting thread

Just the usual, really.  We went over to celebrate my inlaw's anniversary.  We went over early in the week, so we only planned on an hour or two.  Mr A called his father and asked what they were doing (on the off chance they were planning something romantic, but we knew this wasn't the case really since my mother in law asked what we were doing for their anniversary when we visited earlier in the week).  FiL said that he was off to see a job, but he'd be back by 5 pm.  We made it just around then.  They didn't show up until 7 or 7:30.  We had brought wine, cheese, and cake, but my MiL took it as that meant she had to make a buffet and got upset when no one took a big interest in it.

Anyway, yada yada yada, we go to leave around 8:30 (an hour or two after we planned), and my new Merino wool coat caught on their wicker chair.  It pulled a strand and both of them started to tell me how to not rip it.

Them (both shouting over each other): "You've got to pull it through the other side.  Don't pull on it! You will rip it!"
Me (trying to calm them down): "I am not going to rip it. I am not going to..."
Them: "YES YOU WILL!"
Me: "I am not trying to pull on it..."
Them: " Pull it through. You are going to rip it! DON'T RIP IT!"
Me: "OH MY GOD! I will take care of it.  I am a knitter and crocheter you know..."
FiL (in the tone usually only used little bratty kids who need to go to bed early): Well, I knew how to not run a jumper when it had a pull in it when I was five!

...then why did they think I didn't?

And we almost made it through the whole visit without upset (outside MiL with the buffet).  Almost the whole thing.  I was actually thinking that before we got up to leave.

I've only just found this thread now, but I am so glad I did!  I just read through the WHOLE thing, and all I can say is WOW.  Some people are just downright mean, and incredibly disrespectful!  Not including you in things, making comments about your weight, babying your husbands... In my opinion, it's not just disrespectful to you, it's disrespectful to their own SON too!
 Anyway, I feel so much better about a lot of things now, thanks to these posts, I am starting to realize that in-laws will be in-laws and there isn't neccesarily anything wrong with ME! 
Can't wait to sit down and vent about my problems on here and get some feedback.  My issues mainly lie with my SILs and BIL (my husband has 6 brothers and sisters..not fun)

I also want to say to abbeygirl- I really hope you're getting closer and closer to moving out! 

I also want to say to abbeygirl- I really hope you're getting closer and closer to moving out! 

Thanks! We search all of the time. Literally-ALL. OF. THE. TIME. We were supposed to have a viewing of a place yesterday, but, after work on Friday, DH took me to see it on our own, and it wasn't the place for us. We wouldn't get any day light at all, since it's under a bridge,so, we've kept on with our search.

I haven't posted lately, because it's always much of the same with MiL. But, yesterday took the cake. I've been sick since the end of Sept. and I asked DH to get me some meds to hold me over the weekend, until Monday, when hopefully I can get a spot at the surgery after work. MiL kept on and on at DH saying everything under the sun about taking too much meds, and one shouldn't go to the doc's for every little thing, blah, blah, blah.

When I came downstairs to put my laundry in, since I hadn't put it in on Friday night, when she had put on the time switch, she said that she had asked DH if I wanted him to put my laundry in for me, not that it takes a whole lot of energy to do or anything. Yes. Meanwhile, I've got shivers, and a headache and cough that hurts my head and my ribs when it happens. She's always got to be the one who's suffering the most, everyone else had better be happy and satisfied with life, because she's the only one who's allowed to suffer. DH has noticed it, and it's put him off her more and more, daily.  I don't even have to say anything anymore to DH. He notices on his own. *sigh*

Oh Lord.
How I have needed this thread.

I realize that I have it fairly easy compared to some of the horror stories out there (The giant hairball and the nudey MIL) but still. There are times where I literally feel like I am going to suffocate and die. Like I cannot live one more day in that damned house.
DH and I moved to England about a month ago. Before we moved, we agreed to spend ONE MONTH living with the ILs so that we could look for a flat. I stipulated the one month agreement, because I knew that if it was any longer it would damage my relationship with them, and I didn't want that, as I used to like my ILs.
So, we are now five weeks into living with them, and it is like a switch has been flipped. We've had an awful time finding a flat, although we think we've got one, but it's not available until the end of December, which means we've got to stick this month out and I just feel like that is the worst thing ever, but we really have nowhere else to go.
My FIL has turned into Mr. Hyde (or whichever one the evil one is) and will now simply flip a lid if you do something to displease him. For example, they had relatives coming into town tonight, so my husband and I are staying at SIL house so that the relatives can sleep in the guest room that we were staying in. Originally we were only going to stay one night here, but the relatives are going to be here for a few more days so we decided to just stay at SIL so that we can have a bed. So we tell my FIL this in the afternoon, saying, "Don't worry about it. We don't want to cause trouble or make the house too busy."
Nearly seven hours later we get a call from my MIL telling us that FIL is upset because he rearranged a room that all of our stuff had been in and put an air mattress in there for us AFTER we told him that we wouldn't be staying there. We specifically said DO NOT MOVE ANYTHING in that room, as it's fragile. However, he's seen fit to pile ladders and other hardware on top of our belongings, and has now moved it all aside to inflate an air mattress that we will not be sleeping on. And he is deeply offended by this, and I know that there will by hell to pay tomorrow.
My DH is Chinese, but born in the UK, however his parents are from Malaysia and moved over here over 20 years ago. However, the Chinese traditions still run strong, and I am expected to respect and obey those traditions and customs, and if I don't I run the risk of mortally offending someone. It is exhausting. I don't mind other cultures, and I am excited to learn about it all, but there is absolutely NO give and take. I can't even cook for everyone, because they won't eat it unless it is Chinese food. Dear God, I have eaten more rice than a white person should eat in their entire lifetime.
Add to that the fact that they chew and talk with their mouths open, turn the tv on while I am working (I work from home) and then try to ask me questions and have deep conversations with me, disrespect my DH and treat him like he is five, get offended because I don't do this or didn't say that...
UGH.
I could go on and on and on, and I will probably do this in the future, but I can't go on tonight.
Thanks for listening, and pray for us. We need this flat to come through ASAP, or I will be moving under a bridge.

Wowzer! That sounds brutal, hang in there Camarinadoo. Sending good vibes your way in hopes that you get your flat SOON. Hugs 

Hang in there camarinadoo...Sending good vibes and good karma your way!
This thread is great to just VENT when you need it ;-)

Oh man, camarinadoo, I completely empathize with you.
We were supposed to spend 2 months with my in-laws when I first moved over here and ended up spending 5. If we had stayed 1 day more, I was positive it would be either the end of them and/or me!

I will keep both my fingers crossed that your flat search ends quickly!

wow I really hope your flat comes through soon..so not only do you have to deal with the cultural difference of England but also of his asian family..It is only a few more weeks till the end of December you can do it. And then you won't have to be with them anymore..they sound horrid though..and again I am sorry you have to go through this..Good Luck

BIG HUGS to you, Camarinadoo! I totally understand how you feel. My DH is Anglo-British, and I'm Filipino-American. If you've seen my past posts, our living situation is just as bad. His parent's house is a shoe box, and all four of us are living together.
BUT-not for too much longer. On the 18th, we're finally moving out of this popsicle stand!
He doesn't see things the way I do, but, that's another story. I totally empathize with how you must be feeling. My in-laws haven't been guilty of moving things about that shouldn't be-even though they probably think that we've moved things about that shouldn't be. I hope you and your DH are able to find your own place soon!

BUT-not for too much longer. On the 18th, we're finally moving out of this popsicle stand!

I'm so glad to hear that you're finally getting your own place, Abbygirl!  You must be so excited!

I'm so glad to hear that you're finally getting your own place, Abbygirl!  You must be so excited!

I can't even put into words how excited I am. We went to our new house to put some of our belongings in, and I didn't want to leave at all. Just kept pottering about, dusting here, tidying up there. Our washer/dryer combo's coming in tomorrow, so, I'm gonna wait round for it. DH is gonna go back and forth between both places, bringing in our books and bookcases. I can hardly wait to do my pilates again and work out with the wii fit! Most of all, I'll be able to invite people over, and let my family come over when they can afford it. I'm over the moon.

I can't even put into words how excited I am. We went to our new house to put some of our belongings in, and I didn't want to leave at all. Just kept pottering about, dusting here, tidying up there. Our washer/dryer combo's coming in tomorrow, so, I'm gonna wait round for it. DH is gonna go back and forth between both places, bringing in our books and bookcases. I can hardly wait to do my pilates again and work out with the wii fit! Most of all, I'll be able to invite people over, and let my family come over when they can afford it. I'm over the moon.

And take as many paracetamol as you want! And eat cream of wheat! And stay in bed when you have the morning off!

And take as many paracetamol as you want! And eat cream of wheat! And stay in bed when you have the morning off!

LOL exactly! you can cook and do what you want! You can sleep in and take a shower when you want. I am sooooo happy for you!

Congrats on the new place, abbygirl!     Much deserved.

I'm so happy for you, abbygirl! 

I had an argument with my FIL last Sunday and I still feel awful that we fell out.  DH, DSS and I went over to have a Sunday dinner with them. DSS had been terrible all morning, just not listening and smarting off, etc., saying no when I asked him to do things... so I was really frustrated with him. Well, I asked him to sit down on the sofa, but he said NO and then went into the kitchen to ask MIL for some chocolates (while she was busy juggling pots and pans for the dinner) so I went and grabbed his hand and led him back to the sofa and said, "No, we are having dinner, so you need to sit down and wait until after your dinner to have some sweets." So he started crying and throwing a fit and everything, and I suggested maybe we should just go home so he could go to his room if he wouldn't behave himself. So, FIL starts telling him he can have what he wants and he can stay there with them, etc. So, DH starts telling FIL to stay out of it and stop undermining us when we are trying to discipline him and teach him manners. (FIL does this all the time.) So then FIL says, "He wasn't even doing anything!" (FIL was talking to someone else and wasn't even watching what had happened). And then I just flew off the handle and started telling him I was sick of him treating me that way and asking why on earth he would think I would be telling the kid off if he hadn't done anything! Then it just ended up with us putting on our shoes and leaving instead of having our dinner, which upset MIL. I cried all day, partly out of frustration because DSS was being so bad all day, and just being upset because I felt like I ruined our dinner with them and I hated upsetting MIL because we are very close and I know she went through a lot of effort for the dinner and everything. 

I love my FIL, but he drives me crazy sometimes. Every time we take DSS over there, he starts acting up and when we try to tell him to stop, FIL always butts in and says to leave him alone and that he isn't doing anything! I mean, I know I'm just his stepmother, but I discipline him because I care about him and don't want him to grow up being a brat. In my opinion, ignoring him while he runs around annoying people and smarting off to everyone wouldn't make me a good stepmother. The thing is, I would understand if that was the only side of our relationship that FIL ever saw, and that I looked like some wicked stepmother who was always telling him to sit down and shut up, but it's not like that at all. They see DSS clinging to me like a little monkey a lot of times and me taking him to do fun things and giving him lots of positive attention, too.  I try to treat him as I would my own (I don't have any kids, but I guess my natural instincts kick in) - if he falls down, I pick him up and make it all better, I cook his dinner, wash his hair, dress him, and everything else when he is with us and have done since he was 2 years old. Does that not also give me the right to tell him to sit down and be quiet when he is acting out?!