The official UKY inlaw venting thread

Jewlz, your father-in-law really needs to stop undermining you.  I'm sure it's a big part of why your stepson acts up when he's around your in-laws.

Jewlz, I think you are doing everything right in the situation you are in. I know having a step child can't always be easy as I'm sure my own stepmother whom I love dearly love would tell you herself.  And good on your husband for stepping in and telling your FIL you are in the right too. I know you'e upset about it all but honestly you did the right thing and worry so much about pleasing everyone that it will all blow over soon.   I think you're a fantastic stepmom.

Jewlz, I think you are doing everything right in the situation you are in. I know having a step child can't always be easy as I'm sure my own stepmother whom I love dearly love would tell you herself.  And good on your husband for stepping in and telling your FIL you are in the right too. I know you'e upset about it all but honestly you did the right thing and worry so much about pleasing everyone that it will all blow over soon.   I think you're a fantastic stepmom.

Totally agree!

Jewlz, let's get your perspective right - you are not just the stepmother, you are the stepmother.  It's a difficult role, and it sounds as if you are doing a fab job.  So, just hang in there and keep up the good work.

Have you and DH considered sitting down with MIL and FIL to explain that you and DH are responsible for teaching, training and discipling DSS when he is with you? Grandparents had their chance with their own children, now it's your turn.  A grandparent or any other family member who undermines a parent's teaching, training, etc. is out of order - this is an issue that needs to be addressed come hell or high water.  If FIL is going to misbehave, discipline him - don't go to anymore Sunday dinners with DSS. 

Jewlz -- you're doing nothing wrong & it's your FIL that is out of line...you're a fantastic step mom & you remind me of my mom & her relationship with my 2 older brothers (her stepsons)...they say (even today) they are closer to my mom than they were to their mom...and my mom also knew when and did put her foot down to them, and they respect her & love her for it.


As for me...I spent an hour in the presence of the Dragon today(my MiL) and there are so many things wrong with that woman and what she says & does that it would take me an entire lifetime to get them all out...so all I'm going to say is  GGGRRRRRFCKITALLTOHE££KISSMYAMERICANBUTTANDIWANNAGOHOME!!!!  and maybe I'll fell better , but I doubt it. 

Thanks for all the advice and support, everyone. FIL is elderly and a bit set in his ways. I don't think discussing it further would do anything but start the argument over again, and he is in bad health and not feeling too well this week, so I think I will let it go for now. I'm pretty sure DH and I made our feelings about his comments very clear when we got up and walked out last weekend. I've seen him a few times since then (they live across the street, so we see them all the time) and it seems to be blowing over, but I just hate arguing with people, and I'm worried about his health, so I'm feeling guilty about the argument. But, I did have a solid reason to kick off on him, and DH said I shouldn't feel guilty since he is the one who started telling him off first, anyway!  Still, I'm a big softie, and FIL is stubborn, loud, and sometimes obnoxious, but he is also funny, sweet and thoughtful, too. I guess we have to take the good with the bad when it comes to family! 

As for me...I spent an hour in the presence of the Dragon today(my MiL) and there are so many things wrong with that woman and what she says & does that it would take me an entire lifetime to get them all out...so all I'm going to say is  GGGRRRRRFCKITALLTOHE££KISSMYAMERICANBUTTANDIWANNAGOHOME!!!!  and maybe I'll fell better , but I doubt it. 

Yikes! I'm really sorry your MIL is so dreadful.  I love my MIL to bits, so I got lucky there, but I dated a guy once whose mother was horribly rude to me all the time, so I can only imagine what it would have been like if we had gotten married! 

Sorry to hear this Jewlz and WebyJ. 

Sorry to hear about your bad experiences, Jewlz and WebyJ

You guys make my MIL not seem so bad but she's not talking to me or my husband since we told her we are moving back to the US next  year. She thinks we are leaving and never coming back -where do they get these ideas. We have travelled back 4-5 hour drive each way every 6th weekend for the last 8 years. And been back to see my family twice a year.
Yet, the ONLY time she's come to our house in all that time was the 2 times I gave birth!

She's gone mad on presents for the kids and threw an absolute 'crying silence fit' if we didn't spend the entire of Christmas at her house with brothers-in-law and their families 4 days in a Semi-detached with 10 people.... I might not live to get back to the US.

I have never in my life dreaded Christmas before.....

Oh my word.
FIL strikes again.
I swear that the man has so many psychological issues that he doesn't know what to do with them all. I'm almost positive that he has anger issues, and now I'm discovering this martyr complex that feels that the entire world is trying to get at him or hurt him because of his race.
Now, I understand that they experienced racism when they first moved to the south of England. I know that it's still alive and well, and that it does still happen.
However, that DOES NOT mean that the man who backs his car out of the space on the road shoveled snow back in front of your driveway just because you look differently than he does. And it doesn't mean that every single cashier is going to cheat you, or not give you what you've bought.
I'm getting to the boiling point. I cannot stand this man any more. He is ALWAYS right, and if you dare to cross him, he will tear you apart with his words or actions. He keeps his entire family under his thumb with this insane power trip, and then acts like a two-year old if you don't do what he wants. It's how he keeps control, and how he makes sure that he always gets his way. It's unbelievable and I've truly never met anyone like him.
We're supposed to be moving out of here right after Christmas, and it is not soon enough. I'm sure that my MIL and FIL have both noticed that I only speak out of politeness, and that I creep around the house trying not to be noticed. But right now, I don't even care. I'm getting to the point where I'm going to do permanent damage to these relationships because I can't take it anymore.
Ugh, ugh, ugh.
I just have to make it for one more week...
and don't even get me started on Christmas. I've already resigned myself to the fact that it's going to be miserable and I'm going to cry. At least I'm prepared.

Also, hang in there Jewlz and WebyJ. I feel your pain, and I am cringing every day just as much as you guys are.
Prayers are being sent your way!

Also, hang in there Jewlz and WebyJ. I feel your pain, and I am cringing every day just as much as you guys are.
Prayers are being sent your way!

Aww.. thanks  , at least I only see my MIL once every few weeks (last week was the first time since October that we had seen her)...though she did phone up a day or so ago (I'm trying not to remember) and say that she's not getting DD anything for Christmas as she doesn't want to 'burden' us with having to ship it to the US when we move next year...uh, ok...it's not like we don't have 100,000 other things to ship so what's one or two more? Though the real reason she called is that she wanted new photos of DD (her only grandchild), not for her but so she could send off to her friends to say 'see what a beautiful grandchild I have?'...oh there's so much more but if I go there my head will explode.

Good luck to you camarinadoo...only 8 more sleeps till Boxing Day!   Hang in there.  

Aww.. thanks  , at least I only see my MIL once every few weeks (last week was the first time since October that we had seen her)...though she did phone up a day or so ago (I'm trying not to remember) and say that she's not getting DD anything for Christmas as she doesn't want to 'burden' us with having to ship it to the US when we move next year...uh, ok...it's not like we don't have 100,000 other things to ship so what's one or two more? Though the real reason she called is that she wanted new photos of DD (her only grandchild), not for her but so she could send off to her friends to say 'see what a beautiful grandchild I have?'...oh there's so much more but if I go there my head will explode.

Do we have the same mom? 

Sorry to hear of your terrible in-laws, camarindoo and WebyJ. I really actually love my in-laws and wouldn't trade them, they are very sweet for the most part, it's just that FiL doesn't think before he speaks most of the time, which causes a few problems.  I feel so lucky compared to some of the rest of you! 

Waiting in dread for DH to come home with his father.  I don't have to spend a lot of time with FIL during the year, and it is only fair that he comes to us for the holidays.  But, I. Just. Don't. Like. Him.    

Will try to summon my best acting skills to be kind and polite...and will come here often to vent!