The official UKY inlaw venting thread

Okay, Here goes, I am going to vent about my in laws. They are emotionally unavailable. I have two kids, one is 5 and one is 15 months. My oldest, best friend is from the same small village as my in laws and she is FINALLY getting married (she is 38 hooray) in September. Last weekend my in laws came up to Manchester to visit us, they live in Bucks, they have only seen my daughter 4 times in 15 months....so I ask them if they will babysit the kids while we go to the wedding. She says Okay. Ten minutes later she tells my husband they can't do it and we should make "alternative arrangements" so basically, this means she can't be arsed, and we can't go to the wedding. Oh, and my parents live in NY and we will have spent about 8 weeks with them this year. Crazy stuff. Meh.

When DH and I got married last year, my grandmother's friends threw us a wedding shower. MIL's friends were also going to throw one for us for everyone we know at our family's church. DH and I kept asking about it, but she would never set an exact date. I found out later on that she had told the people not to throw us a shower because my grandmother's friends were and there was no need for us to have two showers.

My sister just got an invitation to a baby shower for one of her friends. MIL is friends with my sister's friend's husband's parents. (It's a small town, lol.) Turns out MIL is hosting the shower and this is the girls FIFTH baby shower.   

I am so fed up with my MIL. I've tried to be nice, but feels like I'm getting a slap in the face every chance she gets. 

small vent:

My MIL offered to come down to help out when I have my surgery in September. I could probably get past the fact that the two times she has visited, she refused to give me the baby back when she clearly needed to be fed or have her diaper changed. I could also maybe try to ignore the way she would totally rearrange my house for me and only help out by making me sandwiches filled with butter (ugh!) but I cannot get over her telling my husband the baby would need to start on COW'S MILK at 6 months. Um, yeah, no way am I leaving you to take care of my 5 and a half month old after hearing that. I am positive she would make some sort of executive decision to wean her early.

I should probably get over it, but I am completely paranoid about leaving my daughter alone in a room with my MIL. She is so opinionated about how things should be done that I always expect to come back into the room and find that she has decided to do the complete opposite of anything I have in place.

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!







Thanks I feel better!!

PB - one of those days huh...I feel ya!~
Letting it out, always feels better.

Do you know we havent spoke to my MIL in a month - she hasnt called once since the grave stone incident (long story and so petty).  She will expect a call today but DH doesnt want to call her when he hits the rig so he just may not.
Good times... roll on summer

And you (not CW, I mean the collective 'you') think you have the mother-in-law from hell - check it out.

Okay, maybe the poor girl committed a faux pas or two, but geeesh! 

And you (not CW, I mean the collective 'you') think you have the mother-in-law from hell - check it out.

Okay, maybe the poor girl committed a faux pas or two, but geeesh! 

I just read that story and was coming here to post it! 

I wonder if it's some kind of hoax though, but that's really bad!

DF sent it to me this morning, I think he was consoling himself as my mom has started some new problems.  She doesn't like our wedding menu now. 

The full story on SKY.  The girl has diabetes!  Which explains why she needs certain foods, and needs to eat right away and needs more food and probably sleeping in if it was a long and tiring drive.

 I was going to say that they probably both had issues, but now I am leaning more towards the girl.

t is tragic that you have diabetes. However, you aren't the only young person in the world who is a diabetic.

I know quite a few young people who have this condition, one of whom is getting married in June. I have never heard her discuss her condition.

She quietly gets on with it. She doesn't like being diabetic. Who would? You do not need to regale everyone with the details of your condition or use it as an excuse to draw attention to yourself. It is vulgar.

As a diabetic of long standing you must be acutely aware of the need to prepare yourself for extraordinary eventualities, the walk to Mothecombe beach being an example.

You are experienced enough to have prepared yourself appropriately.

http://news.sky.com/skynews/Home/UK-News/Mother-In-Law-Email-Carolyn-Bournes-Stern-Etiquette-Message-To-Heidi-Withers-Goes-Viral/Article/201106416021513?lpos=UK_News_Second_UK_News_Article_Teaser_Region_2&lid=ARTICLE_16021513_Mother-In-Law_Email%3A_Carolyn_Bournes_Stern_Etiquette_Message_To_Heidi_Withers_Goes_Viral

I don't know why they cut that out of the story.  It really shows what an a@@ the future mil is.

Also, it really is the son's responsibility to tell the girl things like when they wake up.  If you are asleep how are you supposed to know what time everyone else gets up unless someone tells you. 

My parents get up at 6:00am, no way I am doing that. 

Wow, well I'm sure this woman didn't mean for it to go across like this, especially across the web!!!  I'm not sure how to even read the email, except the woman has a HUGE gripe and thought email was the most appropriate.    However, she probably should have chatted with her son and her son also probably should have explained how things work in their family.  Or maybe the son does know and just wanted to say 'hell with it anyways'. 

However, the Diabetes stuff is really, really, really inappropriate.  The MIL obviously has NO IDEA what its like for a person with Type 1 diabetes and what they go through.  (I'm assuming Type 1 given her age, but could be wrong).

I wonder if the Future Daughter in Law had a rebuke for the email.   Yikes, goodness knows now what's flying around in their family 'dirty laundry'!!!!   

 

I heard about this story but, until today, had not read it.

What can I say??  Wowza!!   

I'm all for good manners and such, but this woman was clearly out-of-line in her condescending tone and scathing criticism of her future DIL.  Holy cow...I think I would been hard pressed not to pass it on to my friends.  As the DIL of my own MIL-from-hell, I sympathise with the young lady.  Sure, she may have offended her MIL by sleeping in late, telling jokes about the family, etc.; however, to rebuke her in such an elitist and demoralising manner really showed that the MIL was, in truth, the one lacking in manners.  My MIL, on the other hand, knows not to say anything to my face because I will (politely) tell her to mind her own business.

I'm also shocked that people are defending the MIL's actions.  Her generation and my MIL's think nothing of blurting out their opinions--justified or not--because they feel they are entitled to do so as the matriarch of their family.  I'm not sure if this is a particularly British thing, but my parents have never done this to my DH or I.  They would have a quiet word with me if it was something that serious.  I'm also taken aback by her TOTAL lack of empathy in regards to the young lady's medical condition.  Diabetes is a very serious disease and she should have expected the girl to have particular dietary requirements.  I myself have PCOS and my MIL's attitude has likewise been unsympathetic.  I've never talked with her about it, but when I had a difficult pregnancy, she was not at all compassionate.   

I would love to be a fly on the wall in their homes after the news broke...god knows what this revelation has caused! 

Relationships are difficult enough without the overbearing influence of one's in-laws...

Besides which, it was the mil and the son's responsibility really.

When my bil came to stay I called up my sil and asked, what doeshe eat for breakfast, does he need goat's milk, special tea/coffee?  It isn't that hard.

I'm a little bit shocked that the MIL is actually a Step-MIL. I wonder how long she has been married to the FIL? I don't know, if it was his mom I could see her overreacting/having a hard time with him marrying and taking it out on his fiancée. But the fact that she is just his step-mum makes it all a little bit more bizarre to me.