The official UKY inlaw venting thread

Well, your FiL is clearly playing with a different deck than the rest of us. My FiL wants me to call him "Dad" which I'm not comfortable with, but I just avoid addressing him by name and write "Dad" in his Christmas and birthday cards.

My parents have been married for 40 years and my dad has gotten away with not calling my grandparents (his inlaws) anything. He genuinely likes them, but he keeps himself out of situations where he would need to say their name. It's a running joke in my family and I think it's totally hilarious. I think he would occasionally say my grandfather's name, but he would never say my grandma's name. My husband is kind of the same with my parents. And actually he doesn't really call his own parents anything (which I think is totally weird)! His siblings call their dad by his first name and their mom, 'mother' or 'mammy'. I've started calling my inlaws by their first names, but I would never call them mom and dad. I have my own mom and dad!

My parents have been married for 40 years and my dad has gotten away with not calling my grandparents (his inlaws) anything. He genuinely likes them, but he keeps himself out of situations where he would need to say their name.

Lol.  I can understand the sentiment. I try at all costs to not say J's parents names.  Mostly because I really have no idea what to call them, and I don't want to be told off.  J says call them by their first name , but for some reason I feel like I should (even after 4 years of our relationship) call them by Mr/Mrs, especially his Mum, but then I'd feel too formal and strange. So I just avoid it! 

Lol.  I can understand the sentiment. I try at all costs to not say J's parents names.  Mostly because I really have no idea what to call them, and I don't want to be told off.  J says call them by their first name , but for some reason I feel like I should (even after 4 years of our relationship) call them by Mr/Mrs, especially his Mum, but then I'd feel too formal and strange. So I just avoid it! 

I avoided it too for a long time. But, the other day my MIL called and DH wasn't there so I answered the phone, 'Hi Marie!' which I never would have said before. I'm not sure that I've called my FIL his name in his presence just yet.

I too avoid calling my in-laws anything. DH had no issue calling my parents Mr. and Mrs. PlainPearl initially and then switching to their first names after the first formal meeting.

Haha I am very glad to know that I am not the only one who goes out of the way to not say my In-Law's names. It would be nice if there were an official set of rules for what to call them--Mr/Mrs up until you're engaged or married, perhaps?

The thing that I find amusing in my husband's family is that whenever DH is talking to his sister (or vice-versa) they always talk about "my mum" or "my Dad," like they don't have the same ones!

My husband and I both do this.  Trying to catch the person's eye when you talk to them so you don't need to say a name. 

My in-laws did suggest mum and dad in a card once and I just ignored it.  It was never mentioned again.

I actually knew my hubby's Dad a year before I ever met my hubby!  So he was and still is Brian.  In cards I'll write Dad and or Brian.  I want him to know I love him like a Dad, but since I've always called him Brian, that's more comfy for me.

How ever did I miss this thread?? I'm afraid my gripes aren't really humorous, I'm pretty sour.


Both of my inlaws drive me nuts.  I think really most of it is the situation me and DH are in.  He has been a carer for his mom for 8 years - she has a degenerative disease that includes balance issues.  Its not uncommon for her to have multiple falls, some where she konks her head and needs to go to the ER.  I'm not working at the moment and DH likes to spend time with me, which involves us sitting in the same room his mum is in all day every day.  We visit outside maybe 4 hours a week. We have virtually no privacy.  What drives me nuts about her is her stubbornness.  DH will say wait here, I need to go to the bathroom etc.  She won't wait. She will get up and literally barrel out of a room and crash into things hurting herself.  Every day she gives me a heart attack. I know she has a disease, but listening to instructions and not purposely putting herself into situations where she can hurt herself drives me nuts!

My FIL I guess drives me nuts the worst.  He's mentally checked out from his wife.  He barely talks to her/interacts and is always gone - which means me and DH are always home taking care of mum from the time she gets up until bedtime then up during the middle of the night. Ask FIL to watch mum while we go to Tesco's 5 minutes down the road to get food and he won't. DH will come home 10 minutes later to find mum on the floor with her head cut open needing to go to the hospital cause FIL is in his office. 

Other FIL gripes: yells at MIL when he's around for things she can't help, enters a room dramatically and stands there staring at you until you look up.  What do you want, applause? Talks over you - forget adding anything to a conversation.  Drunk on wine a lot, traps you in rooms for 45 mins to an hour to tell you stories he's told you 100 times about his old nickname, stinks up entire rooms with farts, takes a spoon and eats out of random things in the fridge - yogart, jam etc. Does not just take one spoonful, he double dips that spoon.  Eats up food DH and I buy and hide in the fridge. 

I could go on...but one more from this evening...

DH is able to leave the house and go to a friend's for a game. I stay behind. FIL said he'd be back at a certain time so DH could get to his friends at a set time - FIL was late, so I stayed to watch MIL until he arrived and so that DH could just leave.  I was planning on an evening by myself as FIL and MIL were going to a resturaunt to visit FIL's old school friends he hasn't seen in ages.  FIL says, come with us.  I tell him no thanks politely.  FIL pushes it and asks me no less than 20 times telling me he hopes he can count on me... and asking me in good faith or whatever.  No way am I forfeiting my evening alone to hang out with some 70+ year old people I don't know. I tell him I'm on a diet and wouldn't be able to have food there.  He tells me not to eat and come anyway.  Ugh. NO NO! I tell him no again. I hear him on the phone to the resturaunt I'm guessing or the cab company telling them he's bringing three people.  What did I just say??  Finally he says the cab is on the way. I'm like I'M NOT GOING!  He looked hurt.  Good grief.  So I've probably caused some sort of problem now between us.  I should probably mention I have social anxiety as well. I probably would have spent time in the bathroom hiding out. Yes, it sounds odd... I know.  Rant is: I just want time alone... without my inlaws.  Why is it so damn hard??



 

Getting ready to cook the Sunday roast (the only day of the week she does the cooking, generally), my MIL starts asking my husband how she should cook the very nice silverside beef joint.

My husband asks me.  I double-check the Jamie Oliver perfect roast beef recipe, and give him the instructions.  And when he realises that it's only going to take a couple of hours (at most) to cook, he sends me to ask his mother what time she wants to eat. 

So I ask her, explaining that the roast doesn't need to go on yet then, because it won't take so long (this is at around 1 pm).

My husband seasons the meat and sets it aside.  About 90 minutes later, we figure we'd better get the oven heating up.  We go out into the kitchen-- no roast!  She's already put it in the slow oven.  Where she will leave it until it's very well-done.  Then take it out and spend 10 minutes dithering and asking my husband if it's done enough.  Then when it's declared 'done,' she'll put it back in the oven for the next hour (at least) while she makes the rest of the meal.

Every. Freakin'. Week. 

She ruins things because she hates me, and refuses to follow any advice I have about anything.  And, on the rare occasion when I do the roast (and they're always perfect, because it's not that difficult), she finds some way to complain about it.  And also pouts for the rest of the week because I did it instead of her, even though she hates to cook.

I really want to stab someone with a meat fork, and I honestly don't know if it's her or myself.

My ILs are insane.  We have been estranged from them since mid-2009 when they came, once again, hat in hand asking for money. 

After reading some of the posts here, I'm glad they live 3500 miles away from us and we don't speak, except on Facebook.   

I just wanted to reply to all the comments on what to call your in-laws.  I am engaged currently but was married for 13 years before.  Ex-in-laws sort of made it clear they were Mom and Dad (would have no idea how to address them now if I ran into them though).  They made this clear by signing birthday cards and Christmas present tags as Mom and Dad.  In fact the first Christmas they amused me greatly by having every tag read Mom and Dad #2 so there was no confusion.  But since I don't have a Dad just a step-father my mother always signed things Mom and Jack.  So there would never be confusion (not to mention I can tell handwriting differences).  I would suggest if you have no idea what they want to be called, look for those cards or little things that are written just to you and signed.  How they signed it is how they want to be referred.

However, with my ex-husband my mother signed everything with her name so for me it was clear but looking back my ex was probably just as confused and avoided it all cost, which I didn't catch at the time or I would have teased him mercilessly about it (something he wouldn't have liked hence the divorce).  Jack was a no brainer though.  If I call him that so wouldn't my ex.

Now with my future mother-in-law I highly doubt I will call her mom.  I have yet to meet her as my fiancee tries very hard to keep lots and lots of distance between him and her, lots of baggage there.  So I feel it would be appropriate to call her by her first name or try to make that claim.  My fiancee just calls her Hitler.  Please don't spam me saying how insensitive, he has that humor where everything is made fun of and teased and because it winds her up he does it even more.

It is amusing how we struggle with some of the basic things.

SP

I just wanted to reply to all the comments on what to call your in-laws.  I am engaged currently but was married for 13 years before.  Ex-in-laws sort of made it clear they were Mom and Dad (would have no idea how to address them now if I ran into them though).  They made this clear by signing birthday cards and Christmas present tags as Mom and Dad.  In fact the first Christmas they amused me greatly by having every tag read Mom and Dad #2 so there was no confusion.  But since I don't have a Dad just a step-father my mother always signed things Mom and Jack.  So there would never be confusion (not to mention I can tell handwriting differences).  I would suggest if you have no idea what they want to be called, look for those cards or little things that are written just to you and signed.  How they signed it is how they want to be referred.

Oh, I know my FiL wants to be addressed as "Dad" but that makes me uncomfortable so I avoid it.

I'm sure mine wantto be refered to as mom and dad.  They said so in the card we got when we got married.

I, however, already have a mom and dad and I'm not doing it.  I find it creepy.

Can't vent about my MIL (who is MUM) as she is lovely. I can however vent about my 3 BIL.
Since dad passed in October, hubby has been the one to take mum shopping every week. Well, its both of us actually which is fine. BUT, no one seems to care that we have lives too. SOOOO, hubby has worked all week, has to be in to work tomorrow for 530 till 4pm and again on Sunday and then is working straight through till Wed afternoon. Only time  for us to take mum shopping is tonight. I would take her but 1) we only have the one car and 2) I don't drive here anyways. Just annoyed as hubby's oldest brother is retired....not sure why he couldn't take her this week.

Ok vent over!

Dear MIL,

Please stop asking about my job hunt every time I see you. Yes, I'm looking for one. No, I don't have one yet. I'll let you know when this changes. Also, please stop bringing up the fact that I need a job several times every time I see you. It makes me feel like crap.

Sincerely,

DIL