The official UKY inlaw venting thread

I have minor irritating moments with my in-laws. My FIL often makes passing snide insults about American cheese, humor, and politics. Like he once made a completely unfunny, incomprehensible "joke" about clam chowder and when I didn't laugh, he chalked it up to Americans' lack of sense of humor. b*tch, please. He recently expected me to agree with him that John McCain was a crazy warhawk without, I'm sure, actually knowing much about McCain. It's quite rude to make these remarks, and I refrain from saying negative things about the UK or its politics to their faces, even though I have a lot of negative thoughts about both. My FIL is also fat. He once insinuated that all Americans are fat. All this is fairly typical behavior of many brits - sort of fixated with America but ever eager to put it down. So whatever.

My MIL and her sister, I've noticed, are a lot more snide and cynical than I think most Americans would be. For example, when I go on cruises, they make fun of the whole notion (they assume it's all old, snooty, rich people). She's sneered at the idea of American Scots doing Highland Games in America, etc. calling it "ridiculous." They seem to enjoy putting things and people down, which gets tedious. But I think some of this is attributable to the English tendency toward cynicism in general.

I also find it off putting how reserved they are. When they greet their son or me, they never seem excited. They're always monotone, same volume, no grins, no hugs. Even dinner meals are..."boring." Sometimes there is just silence and when I do speak up I feel really self-conscious because it seems like they are judging what I say. My husband barely even speaks at meals with his parents...he's like a little kid with them. I know English culture is just a lot more reserved and quiet, but I sure do miss the hyper-ness, excitement, and rowdiness of Americans sometimes. Other than that they have been very kind and open and normal.

This week my FIL has sent my husband a text saying to keep the mortgage in his sole name (we're moving house) and a FB message saying that our son looks more like one of our friends than like DH.

Obviously it is all 100% BS, and I am once and for all done with the man. Grrrrrr.

Feeling a bit frustrated and needing to vent at the moment. MIL is here for a just over two week visit. Things are 95% wonderful, but there are a few things chapping me a bit.

She loves to sit on the deck and enjoy the sunshine and watch the turtles, ducks, geese, swan, crane and other critters who live on and in the lake. It is great for her, and although hubby and I love to do that too, we prefer to do it in cooler weather, so we get a bit of 'us' time to watch our shows we enjoy, and a moment to relax while she is out there. However, she is in and out the door as often as a five year old on summer break from school. Instead of just coming in, or going out, she will pause at the door to talk, or stand there with it open while talking. Joey hears the outside birds and starts shouting to them, plus flies come in.

Part two: not only is Joey being set off by the door being opened so often, but his routine is disrupted because of another person in the house, later bedtime, and us being on a different routine. So, he is making a bit of noise. Even when he is just doing his usual quiet chatter, she comments on him being noisy, and either calls him 'Noisy', or just looks at him and says 'Noise', or has a full, one sided conversation with him about being noisy. I've explained several times the reason for the noise, or calmly mentioned he is just chattering, yet she still does it. I'm not keeping him covered or moving him to another room. It is his home and he should be allowed to speak.

Part three: She is determined she is going to have him saying "cheeky boy" before she leaves. She says it at least 200 times a day, if not more. I've tried explaining there are phrases he has heard every day since he moved in here just before Christmas that he still isn't saying, so he may never say "cheeky boy". I haven't mentioned that there are some phrases he has only heard a time or two then started saying, for fear she will try even harder. Hubby has said more than once in the past week he hopes Joey doesn't say it because it gets on his nerves.

Other than those things, it has been an enjoyable visit. I suppose I should focus on the fun we have been having, and the way she has been spoiling us. It is just the frequency at which these things have been happening that makes them seem so overwhelmingly frustrating.

TamaMoo, your door story reminds me of my in laws visit back in May. We were having really beautiful weather and they wanted fresh air in the house. Great! Shut the f-ing door and open the window that actually has a screen! They're so used to having their back door hanging open all the time (in Ireland, in the cold), that they didn't even think about it. We live in the city, so it was flies galore in here! One day my MIL brought the sheets down from their bed to be washed and said the duvet didn't need washed because it was so warm they weren't using it. Okay, we had the air on, but whatever. Once they left I went in the room and realized they had the window hanging open. Well, no wonder they were hot! A/C doesn't work when the window above the vent is open all the time!

Oh, and they used the scrub brush I use for baby bottles to clean the pots and pans. I'd have to wash the bits of scrambled egg out of the bristles before I could wash bottles. I asked my husband to ask them to stop, but of course he never did. Don't get me started on the soggy sponge constantly left in the sink. 

Like you, we had a great visit, there were just a couple of niggly things. Oh, and who knew Law & Order was on so frequently! 

Yikes! The door open all the time would drive Joey (and me) insane. The window open with the air conditioner on would have drove me nuts, too. But having them use the baby bottle brush for pots and pans and the soggy sponge would have driven me to the point of saying something. Things like that should be so obvious, but some people just don't get it.

The visit has been mostly wonderful, and other than the three things I mentioned in my other post, I will really miss her when she goes home.

This is not something I usually do, but I need to vent and I know y'all will atleast listen, probably understand.

We live next door to my in-laws. Have been here almost three years. I have accepted the lack of "family" - no Sunday dinners, no babysitting, nothing. It's just how it is. But last week took the cake.

DD2 (15 months old) came down hard with a stomach bug - within 12 hrs we were in A&E for treatment because she couldn't stop vomiting. Got her home, only to find out she'd passed it on to her 5 yr old sister and DH. For three days and nights, I took care of all 3 of them, cleaned up puke, bathed, washed laundry, changed beds, hardly slept, and when I did, I was holding one of the girls or sometimes both of them. We were out of Sprite, Dioralyte, paper towels, Jello, Dettol, you name it. I NEEDED to go to the store. So I sucked it up and sent his dad a text, just asking if either he or my monster-in-law could come sit at my house with DH and our older one (while they slept), so I could take the baby and run to the store. 30 minutes, tops.

And they said NO. No, they'd rather not, because they don't want to get sick.

Their son. Their granddaughters. But no, they could not be freaking bothered, because they might get sick.

I will never. ask. again. EVER.  I can not wait until I get citizenship so we can get the hell out of here.
Thanks for letting me vent.

I've no words for that. I'm so sorry.

I mean.... Okay, don't want to get ill... they couldn't have offered to go to the store for you? sh*t.

I mean.... Okay, don't want to get ill... they couldn't have offered to go to the store for you? sh*t.

I agree.  They could have gotten the supplies and left them on the front step, texting you after they did so.

I mean.... Okay, don't want to get ill... they couldn't have offered to go to the store for you? sh*t.

I thought the same thing! At least run to the store for you!

Wow, that's horrible Texasgirl!!!   Sorry!!!  

Hope the kiddos are feeling better now too. 

Wow! That is just unbelievably selfish!

Yes, I can see the point of not wanting to get sick, but as others have said they could have at the very least gone to the store and gotten what their own son and grandchildren needed to get better!!!  Sheesh!

I hope everyone is feeling better, or well on their way.

Thanks y'all. We are on the mend here - had to pack DH off on a business trip with a load of medication and still no appetite, but atleast things are slowly returning to normal. He's been gone for 3 days now, and asked me today if his folks had checked in on me and the girls since he left.  Ummm, nope!

Thanks for the kind thoughts!! It's nice to know I'm not alone. 

Wow! You poor thing!  I was coming to whine about the fact the phrase 'cheeky boy' now has the ability to make me feel violent when I hear it.. for the 1,000,000th time in a week (because MIL is intent on teaching Joey how to say it), but I suddenly feel like it is trivial.

I completely agree with the others. It is their son and granddaughters. They could have at least gone to the store, left it on the front step and texted. They could have either picked up money from the front step before going, or collected it in a few days when everyone is germ free.

I'm glad to hear everyone is on the mend, though.

She's coming home early.

My MIL was supposed to be away until Thursday night.  We made plans.  We bought supplies, and my husband started building a patio for our new propane grill.  It was all going to be finished and tidied up before she got home, so that she'd have nothing to complain and meddle and nip over.

But she phoned yesterday and declared that she's tired of 'being sat around [my SIL's] house,' so she'll be home this evening.  And then it will start:

What have you done there?  You'll never finish it.  Why don't you do it this way?  Who picked those bricks?  That's never going to last.  That one's crooked.  Do you know what you're doing?  It's all going to be flooded anyway.  How can you put that there?  Is that going to be ok?  Now everyone's going to see it.  I bet [neighbour lady] is watching.  What is she saying about it?  She'll be telling everyone [insert ridiculous gossip].  Who's that driving past?  He just wants to see what we're doing here.  He'll tell everyone.  I'm going to break my neck tripping over those bricks.  Why does everything have to be grilled, anyway?  It tastes awful.  Will I get some of those bbq packs to go on the grill?  You're going to burn the house down.

And 85% of this will be in gaelic, so while I get to stay 'blissfully' ignorant of the specifics of the crazy, I get to watch my husband become more and more frustrated and agitated, until he snaps at her, and then the tantrums and binge drinking start.

The worst part is, I have some sympathy, because I'm 90% certain the reason she's leaving early is that her feelings are hurt, because whenever she visits there, the 'other granny' (who lives just up the road and can see the kids whenever she likes) plans all kinds of sleep-overs and outings that she just has to take the kids for.  So my MIL (who sees them 3-4 times a year, at most) gets hardly any time with them.  And my SIL knows this, and won't do anything about it.  Not because she's scared of her MIL, but because she just can't be bothered, because it's not about her.